Friday, December 14, 2007

10 Days of Bah Humbug!

I love to bake, although I'm not a natural baker. Unlike Rootie or Flamenco Mom, who make it sound (and look) so easy, I really have to work at making stuff look good.

So when my hubby asked me to make some things for the open house at the offices next week, I was game. Everything that doesn't look perfect will still taste good unless I burn it to cinders, and the guys will scarf 'em up. Plus I was roped into making a few dozen cupcakes for Little Guy's choir party this week.

I figured I could get my baking skills warmed up on those.

I'm one of those people who have to plan ahead, so I made sure I had a few boxes of cake mix and those tub thingys of frosting in the pantry. I bought them a couple of months ago, and like Velveeta, the expiration date is decades away. Not really. But sort of. Eggs? Check. Oil? Check.

Hubby was going to be away all day Sunday for the Bronco game, so I figured Sunday would be cupcake day.

Little Guy got out the big bowl and we set to work. 49 cupcakes baked, cooled and ready to frost. He got a tub of chocolate frosting off the lazy susan and opened it up.



He showed me. The foil that keeps everything nice and fresh was peeled back under the lid. About a third of the frosting had been scooped out of the tub.

What the....????!!!

I set it on the counter and got out another tub. I had a fairly good idea (I'll bet YOU do too) who the culprit was, but decided to deal with him later.

The next tub was vanilla cream cheese frosting. The foil was loose and I lifted it up. A couple of spoonfuls were missing.

Now I was getting REALLY pissed off. I took the third and last tub off the lazy susan. And yes, the foil was loose. There were actually FINGER MARKS in there from where the frosting had been scooped out.

My entire stash of frosting was ruined.

I hollered for the Big Kid to get his butt in the kitchen.

I wrote about Big Kid's late night forays into the pantry last spring.

Around that time, Big Kid scarfed up a pound of raisins I bought for a recipe in the dead of night. He had a massive panic attack when the undigested whole ones rehydrated and came out all gray and puffy in his poo the next day, because he thought a parasite or an alien was laying eggs in his digestive tract.

He finally said something after his third turd attack (they don't call it colon blow for nothing!) and I had to sift through his doody to get to the bottom of it. Pun not intended. ("No I am NOT GOING TO CALL THE X-FILES!! Aliens didn't lay eggs in your intestines! THERE AREN'T ANY X-FILES IN REAL LIFE, YOU DOOF!")

I showed him the frosting. Did you do this?

"Oh that. Yeah. But that was weeks ago." Like it doesn't count if I don't catch it in say---a week.

WTF were you thinking?

"I was hungry."

Why didn't you put it in the fridge after you opened it?

"Because then you'd know and you'd yell at me."

Why didn't you eat a whole one instead of opening a new one?

"It was different days. The opened ones were probably yucky. I might get sick."


On the third day of humbug, Santa left for me:

3 opened tubs of frosting,
2 dead pens,
and a lump of coal for under my tree


Kym said...

I love (uh, not really but I'm trying not to say bad words) I love how kids act like anything they did bad over a week ago is somehow not their responsibility.

There is no statue of limitations on cookie stealing, car banging, window breaking etc. Now, if I can just convince my kids of this.

litzi said...

Hi Attila,
While the cat’s away, the mouse nibbled. Big Kid must have had several marvelous sugar highs from ingesting all that canned frosting. Did you have to make a special trip to the grocery store to replenish your larder? Perhaps you should padlock the pantry or set mouse traps to snare your ravenous son.

How’d the cupcakes turn out?

Jennifer McKenzie said...

OMG!!! That happens at my house too!!! Does Big Kid live here? Am I married to him?
Now, that would be cool. I'd have YOU as my MIL instead of the one I've got.
Darn it.
You crack me up.

Ann(ie) said...

He and I would totally get along. I have been known to be a frosting bandit.

Scarlett Demon said...

Hi Atilla, thanks for stopping by my blog. I'm still around, albeit quietly! Lots on my plate at the moment, not least of which a new baby on the way! Thanks for thinking of me. I hope you're doing well and managed to find some un-nibbled frosting! xx

Grim Reality Girl said...

At least nobody got sick from bad frosting! Though he does need to learn to hide the evidence.... who can resist frosting? (maybe this thinking is why I'm not at goal weight?)

Chris H said...

HUMPH!!! Friggin kids eh? You can keep em!

Rootietoot said...

HAHAHAaa! Oh! HAW!*snort* HAHA!

Yeah...once my eldest got into the tube of black icing, his mouth was all black and around his lips. He denied it, denied everything with his face in the mirror and his black teeth and all. KIDS!

I'da just decorated the cupcakes with powdered sugar and called it 'snow'.

And the raisins...Hahahaa!

Anonymous said...


Go Big Kid, GO!

-stops, and looks around sheepishly-
Oh, wait. I was supposed to agree with you, right?

-hangs head-

:] I hope they turned out fabulous, even with the frosting snafu!

Beth said...

I LOVED his answer as to why he didn't put the opened ones in the fridge:
"Because then you'd know and you'd yell at me."
Granted, he only postponed the "yell," but good thinking on his part.
I am absolutely shocked that you don't make your icing from scratch!

Flamenco Mom said...

HA HA HA! I almost shot coffee out my nose just now. The raisin thing? I may not recover from that one; that one is priceless.

Thanks for the shout-out Attila!

Brenda said...

"There is no statue of limitations",,,commenter,,,I'll have to use that one.

I have a hard time understanding why kids do the things they do. I was a kid once but I don't think I was ever so imaginative.

Lola Magnolia said...

Mom, this just proves that you're a better mom than I because I would have killed Big Kid. Literally.

I'm not a good cook or baker. My daughter got this baking cookbook from her brother for Hanukkah and we decided on Sunday to bake cookies from scratch. Followed the directions explicitly and they still didn't turn out right nor taste that good. Don't know what we could have done better since we followed everything word-for-word. It sucks not being able to cook right!