Devil 2, Angels 0

I haven't done this in awhile, most likely because when I have these kind of dilemmas, they aren't blogworthy.

You know, when you've got an angel on one shoulder and a devil on the other, arguing in your ear about you which way to go on stuff. Usually it consists on whether I should put skim milk in my coffee or real cream. If real cream is available, there's no contest. The devil always wins.

But that's boring.

I was talking to my good friend Elizabeth tonight and relayed an incident that happened over the last couple of weeks and she encouraged me to blog about it, even though I try to stay far far away from the political when blogging.

I was a bad, bad Attila. Again.

I have to confess. Hubby and I have a mixed marriage. Our 12-year wedding anniversary is coming up on New Year's eve, and so far, we've been able to work with it. We knew what we were getting into.

When we first got together I was an unabashed egg-sucking liberal dog (to quote former radio host Ken Hamblin). Hubby, on the other hand, was (affectionately) a shithead conservative Republican. But when you got down to brass tacks, our views really weren't that different. He wasn't a radical religious right sort of person---he just leaned economically to the right. Plus he recognized how my kids needed a couple of government programs to help get us through tough times when they were both uninsurable and their treatments cost about 1500.00 a month which I didn't have as a single parent trying to keep a roof over our heads without help from my vanished ex-husband.

And he wasn't about to step in and tell women how to manage their bodies as far as reproductive rights go. Gays? To each his own. So we were pretty simpatico.

Over the years, we've both come somewhat to the middle. But we've kept our separate party affiliations.

As an added bonus, I get more interesting mail from my party, which he loves to look at so he can eyeball the enemy.

Anyway, last week at about 10am, the phone rang for Attila's Hon.

"Hi, I'm Bob, and I'm calling from Washington and the National Republican Party. Could I speak to Mr. Attila?"

To be honest, I LIVE to f*ck with these people for a couple of reasons. First of all, because it's political, you can't tell them that you're on a "do not call" list. They don't have to respect that. But to us, it's just more telemarketing.

Secondly, if it was from the local Republican party, I couldn't mess with them, because we live in a small town and these people KNOW us! If it was the National Democratic party calling, I'd willingly hand the phone over to hubby. I won't condemn him for his opinions/reactions, and he won't condemn me for mine.

So it's a free-for all!

I said, Hi Bob, he's not here. Like many corporate white-collar Republican nobs, he works from 9 to 5 at an office. Do you have a number that he can call you back on?

Bob said, "Are you Mrs. Attila? Could I ask you some questions?"

And I said (sharpening my swords), Why yes I am. Yes you may!

Ok, I admit it. I think I was drooling a little in anticipation.

"How important is it to you to have a Republican in the White House after the next election?"

Not a bit! Why do you ask?

"Uh. So I guess you're not a Republican?"

No I'm not. We have a mixed marriage. In fact, Mr. Attila has to sleep on the couch quite frequently!

"Uh".

I took pity on him. After I laughed like a lunatic in his ear.

Bob, Mr. Attila gets home after 5pm our time. Call him then.

The next day we were out. I came home and checked the caller ID to see who called.

They called TWICE! During the 9 to 5 period.

Then we had the weekend and no real self-respecting Republican works then (just kidding---well, only a bit, because those guys didn't call THEN, did they?), so we didn't get any calls.

On Monday, we got a call from them around 11am, and when I answered the phone, I got a dial tone.

Now that really pisses me off. They have those automatic computerized dialing systems that call 3 numbers at a time and hang up on two of them if someone else answers first. You can't tell them you're on the "do not call" list, but they're allowed to use telemarketer crap like that designed just to chap your ass and inconvenience you.

Tuesday was of course, Christmas, so no calls then.

On Wednesday, I was prepared if they DARED to call during the 9-5 hours. And they did.

The person didn't give a name, but identified himself as calling from Washington from the National Republican Party.

I said, You know, I told you guys that hubby works a 9-5 job, and you'll have to call him after those hours.

And the guy said, "Are you Mrs. Attila? Can I ask you some questions?"

Certainly!

"How important is it to you to have a Republican in the White House after the next election?"

I said, It's very important to me! Because if a Republican gets elected, I won't have to give my husband a blow-job for the entire term!

"Uh--uh--pardon me?"

We have a deal. If a Democrat gets elected, he won't have to go down on me for 4 years. And basically, we're both really selfish people and want instant gratification, so this election will be important. I'm tired of wasting MY time trying to fulfill HIS needs, just to get a slap and tickle in return. We're both going to vote for each other's parties and hope for the best!

Then I told the guy to call back either before 9am or after 5pm to talk to the hubmonster. He was completely speechless. LOL

So TODAY I get ANOTHER call from them, around 2 in the afternoon.

"I'm calling from Washington from the National Republican Party. May I speak to Mr. Attila?"

Me (wondering what it will take to REALLY make them take notice) says, You people have called multiple times. I've told you over and over again that my husband works a 9-5 job, and amazingly enough he STILL isn't here at 2pm after your 10th call. Do you have anything you want to ask ME?

He says, "Mrs. Attila, are you a Republican?"

I said, Why no, I'm not.

And he said, "I think I'll call back later."

LOL

I can't stop myself. I need help.