Sunday, December 23, 2007

1 Day of Bah Humbug!


You know, I did a really dumb thing a few years ago, and I can't believe I did it again. You'd think I'd have learned my lesson. So today's humbug is going to be a public service announcement.

The directions on the bottle of Nair say "Shake Well", and by golly, they mean it!!

When I had my "me" day yesterday, I decided to take care of a couple of grooming things that had fallen by the wayside in the past week. My pits were starting to look a little like that thing that grows on Barbara Boxer's head.

Unfortunately, I have a couple of small moles under my left arm-pit which makes quick shaving in the shower an impossibility (yes I KNOW about mole removal and electrolysis, something I might have time to get around to when I'm 60), so I've used Nair or Neet or similar products for eons---through all of their stinky evolutions. I just slap it on, wait 5 minutes, wipe it all off and take a quick shower to get the residue before I enjoy a bath. Easy peasy.

Except I frequently forget to shake the $*&^%! bottle. Although it works fine, apparently all the really powerful hair-dissolving goodness sinks to the bottom to form a concentrate that has the equal power of "Round-up" or the industrial version of "Weed-B-Gone". And is just as caustic if you've got sensitive skin.

Normally, I toss the bottle when it feels like there's just a couple of inches in the bottom. But was I thinking? NOOOOOOOO!

Luckily, about a minute into the process I started feeling the burn, realized what it was, and jumped in the shower instead of standing around going "whaaa??" like the last time while I lost 6 layers of skin.

I only lost 2 layers this time. So I only have to do part of the chicken-arm-wing thing!

Only two days left! You guys ready yet?

On the twelfth day of humbug, Santa left for me

Semi-flaming armpits,
The Internet is watching,
My ex-inherited-inlaw,
More freaking football,
Too tired to be blogging,
7 steaming bowls of stupid,
Hubby's buttocks blasting,
5 Chin hairs,
4 exploding Snapples,
3 open tubs of frosting,
2 dead pens,
and a lump of coal for under my tree

11 comments:

Casdok said...

Ouch!! And you have to do it again!!!!!!!!!?

Mrs. G. said...

Yowza chickie, I think it's time you went European. A little aloe gel, perhaps. Merry Christmas Eve, funny girl.

Melissa said...

Ooooooh. I burn for you. Not in a lustful kind of way.

Valerie Marie said...

MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL OF YOU!

Jennifer McKenzie said...

Merry Christmas anyway ATM!!! I've just read all the posts I've missed and I have one thing to say.
WOW!!!
After your week, I think I'd pull the covers over my head.
Hang in there. Only a day left.

litzi said...

Hi Attila,
You could subscribe to the “feminatzi” way of thinking and forgo getting rid of the hair on your legs and underarms. “I Am WOMAN” or some such shit. The additional fuzz might help keep you warm during the cold Colorado nights this winter, though by the spring thaw your body might look like Barbara Boxer’s head. Eeeew!

I hope you have a wonderful Christmas!

Chris H said...

YIPEE , it's Christmas here already..... MERRY CHIRSTMAS CHICK.

Angela said...

Merry Christmas
Love your month posts

Marymurtz said...

OUCH!!!!!!!
I tried Nair once, on my legs, and it was like napalm. Never again.

And now I'm off to bake cookies for Santa. One of his elves sent three little packages in a box today, which I cannot wait to open tomorrow!
:)
Merry Christmas!

Brenda said...

Ouch and ouch! Hope the wing thing eases up on ya soon.

I've going now to catch up on the rest of the Humbugs.

sarala said...

Egad!
I'm afraid of wishing you a happy holiday.
But I hope you have one anyway. Thanks for a year of laughs!