Thursday, December 13, 2007

11 Days of Bah Humbug!

It's time to sit down and send out all the yearly Christmas Cards. Not only for friends and family, but for all of our business associates and clients.

Why not just run them off on the computer? Because when you own your own business in a small town, the personal touch just means so much. Truly.

Except I can't find a &^%$#!!! pen that works!

I buy ball point pens in black and blue by the bag. But whenever I need one, they've all disappeared. I've looked in the junk drawers (yes, we have more than one). Little Guy has a supply in his locker and in his backpack. Hubby swears he didn't take them to the office. Big Kid? Pick up a pen? Actually write something down? Hah!

He answers the phone, and then tells me 4 days later that the cable guy was going to come 3 days before between 1 and 5, when we weren't here.

We have this neat ceramic pen holder thingy that Little Guy made in art class a few years ago. Every time I clean and find pens, pencils, etc., I put them in there.

But when I actually NEED a pen, what do I find?

2 green pens that Big Kid accidentally bought at the campus bookstore, thinking that they were regular pens. A weird wood-shaped pen that doesn't work, but I can't bear to part with because we bought it as a souvenir the first time I met my birth-famiily in person and we all traveled up to Cheyenne, Wyoming for the rodeo. Several promotional pens that have NEVER worked but have also never found their rightful place in the garbage can. An unsharpened pencil that bears the name "Bubba's Big Balls" whose origins mystify all of us. And a bunch of little screw-drivers that we use to unlock various household doors when somehow they manage to lock by themselves.

I found 2 in my bookbag that I used in class, but both of them are completely dead. I tried to unclog them using a lighter, but only succeeded in melting the plastic holding the ball point in. Argh!

Dorky Dad once wrote a post about how his house is a pen magnet, but I swear mine is the opposite. Is there a black hole for working pens somewhere out there next to the black hole for single socks? One that's next to the black hole for nail clippers?

Maybe there's a portal in my house that beams them over to the woman above who has a monstrous ball point pen collection.

If that's true, then I wonder who in the hell got beamed all my missing tampons, because I can never find the one in my purse when I desperately need it!

So I'm off to town to buy more pens.

How's your day going?

On the second day of humbug, Santa left for me
Two dead pens
And a lump of coal for under my tree
Here's my latest on Disaboom if you have half a mind to go there. Or just half a mind. ;-)


Boo7 said...

LOL Attila....I just love wandering over to your blog and finding out I am the first one to comment for the day!!

I have the disappearing pen inssue in my house too!! Actually it's more of a combo of yours and Dorky Dad's issue....when ya don't need one...there are an abundance of 'em in the strangest of locations!! However, when you expressly need one for a very defined purpose?? Fugget 'bout it!!


Anonymous said...

-throws ATM a pen-
We have too many damned pens here.
My stepdad has been known to steal them from the bank, along with mints and toothpicks.

weird, i know.

Rootietoot said...

I have no pens. I have to write checks by slicing open a vein and dipping a shish-k-bob skewer in the blood. Hizzoner (Long May He Prosper)has kept the same pen he received as a college graduation gift 20 years ago.Probably because he refuses to let anyone use it. I don't know what the kids write with. Green crayon, probably.

Michael Manning said...

Lots of love! I finished my mail outs--mostly to business associates and a few close friends, but it took me a day and a half to address them!

litzi said...

Hi Attila,
Too funny! I’m at the opposite end of the spectrum with pens; every time I go into Staples for office supplies, another bag of Bic pens mysteriously shows up in the cart. That’s in addition to the “good” pens that I gravitate towards while picking up the cheapies. I’ve been obsessed with writing implements since I was in Grade School. I still have a few old fountain pens from the 50’s around, along with a couple that I pilfered from my Mom’s desk that date back to the 1930’s. Perhaps you should consider getting a pen on a chain to wear around your neck or one in a holder that will adhere to whatever surface it’s placed on. I don’t know what to tell you about the misplaced tampons; being the only female in your household, it’s rather difficult to explain who’d need them….

Beth said...

Your pens are off somewhere mating with all the pencils I've sharpened and then can never find!

Chris H said...

Pens, socks and nail clippers... .sure you are not in my bloody house! We have the same problem.

Casdok said...

I can never find a pen either!

Anonymous said...

The thing is that when I don't need something I find a thousand of them and when I do need something there are none to be found.

pens, socks, note paper, butter, coffee, but toilet paper is the worst.

Brenda said...

I used to have that penless problem but I fixed it by buying new pens at least 3 times a month. Now I can usually find at least 1. Some day I'm going to open a closet or move a sofa cushion and be attacked by thousands of "lost" pens.

phlegmfatale said...

I didn't decorate - I have NO energy for Christmas this year. Didn't send out cards, neither. Mama tired.

Anonymous said...

Next year try Send Out Cards.

Don't need a pen...! But the cards still go out in the U.S. mail (not e-cards)....pretty darnded cool!