Quick! Call the Waambulance!

Be warned. You've entered the whine zone.

I can't do it. I simply can't do it.

I thought that taking a class or two during the summer semester would be enjoyable and a breeze if I didn't have Big Kid and his assignments to worry about. But now I've decided to withdraw and to take the summer off. I can get my money back, and it won't effect my grade point average. I've got the newest textbook, so I can retake it in the fall.

Making this decision is like lifting a huge weight off my back. Unbelievable!

A month or so ago, I wrote about how our doc took Big Kid off the stimulant meds because although they enabled him to focus for his ADHD, they exacerbated the manic part of his bi-polar disorder. Anybody new coming in, click on the tag at the bottom to catch up. Since the spring semester is over, we've tried different doses of Strattera (a non-stimulant treatment for ADHD) and it simply doesn't work.

It's been one long, hard year since he came home from college with the screaming meemies, and lately I've been called upon to perform duties that are well, frankly, pretty damn distasteful. Not butt-spelunking distasteful, but yucky on a different level.

The kid has little or no impulse control without the meds. He wants things, but in his world they should be delivered upon demand, before he does any actual work to earn them.

We go around and round and round on this issue. He really really doesn't seem to get the concept. I think he believes he has a shot of converting me to his world-view if he keeps at me long enough, and so the cycle is relentless.

Then again, he has some friends whose parents pay them to simply stay away, so I guess there is some basis for his belief.

When he's on meds for attention and impulse control, you can reason with him intellectually. When he's off, well---it's a crapshoot. The worst part is that it's difficult to tell how much of it is his illness, and how much of it is manipulation.

Seriously, if you haven't been there, you wouldn't believe it. Trying to put it into words is like trying to recite the Bill of Rights backwards. People like my mom, or Big Kid's granddad or his other dad truly believe that if I just said "no" that would nip this in the bud.

Ha. Saying "no" is just the beginning.

There is an endless song and dance that must be performed, and I could do it in my sleep. I could take it on the road to Branson, but my younger brother caught the show when he was here installing the bathroom, and he said it wasn't very entertaining.

Big Kid sees Little Guy getting new stuff and feels that life is unfair. Yet he selectively chooses to ignore the fact that Little Guy works his butt off. LG does extra things beyond his assigned chores----takes out the trash, weeds the garden, feeds the dogs, empties the dishwasher, etc to earn money for the things he wants. Just like in the real world. Big Guy thinks we're favoring Little Guy, and resents it.

So I've had to become the money monitor. I have to make sure there is no visible cash any where in the house, even in my bedroom. If I don't, it will be gone faster than I can say "I don't like Green Eggs and Ham."

He isn't even very smart about it---so it's difficult to tell if he's trying to get caught because he's bored and wants to stir the shit-pot or not.

If Hubby's money clip (which was left on the counter) only has a 20 and a 5 in it, think Hubby isn't going to notice that the 20 is suddenly missing? The kid doesn't go rooting around in my purse or drawers or anything, but if cash is visible, and nobody is around, he feels the impulse to put it in his pocket. When he gets caught he says "I found it."

As if our dining room table is a street corner and some stranger accidentally dropped a bill there next to the invoice for newspaper delivery. heh.

I've also had to become the cigarette police. If the kid has a pack, he will compulsively smoke one after another until they're gone. Then he'll complain of breathing problems, work himself into a panic attack, and REALLY have chest pains. I'll rush him down to the doc, who will point out the evils of smoking and tell me that if I can't get him to quit, I'll have to dole them out to him. WTF?

I've been thrust into the role of cupcake monitor as well. There are 8 cupcakes to a family pack. Kid says, "Can I have a cupcake?" I go to let the dogs in, come back and there are 3 left in the box. I buy a pre-made angel food cake (no fat) to make strawberry shortcake the next day, and when I wake up in the morning 7/8ths of it is gone. He so thoughtfully left one piece for someone else to enjoy.

I realize the other meds he takes make him crave sugar and carbs. He's packed on the weight since he came home last year, which makes him more depressed. His back hurts from carrying all the extra weight, and he doesn't feel like exercising. On the good side, I buy a lot of salad stuff and fruit, and he'll eat it if I put it in front of him. It's at night or early mornings when everyone else is asleep that he'll get up and consume everything and anything with sugar in the kitchen. What am I supposed to do? Put a padlock on the fridge when I go to bed?

He sees the commercials for Trim-spa, and actually thinks if he takes a pill he will wake up slim with no effort on his part (look what it did for Anna Nicole). He sees the commercial for NutraSystem (where Dan Marino basically says he couldn't see his own dick until he lost 30 lbs), and is convinced that if only we would plunk down 300 dollars for that tasty "special food", he will lose weight the quick and easy way. He'll eat two boxes of macaroni and cheese and chase it with a Slimfast shake and wonder why the Slimfast isn't working.

Point out that 2 boxes of mac and cheese are about 10 servings, and he thinks we're insane. Portion control? What's that?

So last week, we went to the doc's to let him know that the Strattera hasn't had the effect we'd hoped. I mention to the doc that the boys are leaving in 2 weeks to go visit their other dad, and he says, "Ok, we'll just keep things as they are and start back when he returns."

What??? Are you kidding me? The kid is actually scheduled to have a job and work out at his dad's this summer.

On one hand, I see the doc's point. The kid is stable (no more screaming in the front yard wearing nothing but his shorts), but I was hoping that he would be beyond simply stable at this point. He did well last semester in school on the stimulant meds, and we stopped because they made him a little more irritable at the end of the day. If he isn't here to be monitored, the doc doesn't want to prescribe anything that could de-stabilize him.

The Kid was disappointed. He hates struggling to maintain attention, and has been looking forward to getting a chance at earning his own money and having a taste of independence. I was disappointed, and had trouble containing tears.

But what can you do?

Near the end of the month, the guys are going out to the coast to visit their other dad. Hubby and I desperately need some time alone to rest and recharge and be a couple, and I can't tell you how much we're looking forward to this.

Little Guy will come home after 2 weeks. This has been a rough year for him too, and he deserves to have our undivided attention. Big Kid will come back after another month, hopefully ready to start back with driving school before the fall semester.

And me? I just won't know what to do with myself. But I'm sure I'll get used to it.

Sorry for the whine-fest. Hoping you'll find a much more relaxed Attila in another month. :-)