I have a lot of excuses. Dr. Phil would love them. I grew up in a household of boys, I'm the mother of boys, my mother was a minister, I have abandonment issues, my parents were divorced, nobody ever understood me, I had to invite my own date to the junior prom, blah blah blah.
Why don't I just come clean and admit that I'm a twisted individual with a base sense of humor?
I wasn't planning on writing another weird biological function story any time soon after that last post about the nippelous foot, but hey, I don't control the news. And when someone is fighting an internal war with the "Puff the Magic Dragon", I can't help but perk up and take notice.
I have problems subduing the Barbarians at the Gate myself.
I broke down and admitted it in this post, which I recommend as reading before you go on. Just so you appreciate how deep my affliction is.
But I think I might actually stick a pencil through my jugular if this happened to me. Would I complain to a newspaper? Hell no! I'd find me some panties lined with odor eaters and walk around with a bag on my head:
Apparently Stewart Laidlaw has now been banned from his regular pub. Since the smoking ban has taken effect, it has become obvious to one and all that putrid and noxious fumes come flying out of his butt on a habitual basis.
He can clear the bar in 5 minutes or less.
According to the proprietor: “It is just disgusting. He revels in this and does it all the time and it’s absolutely foul, it would make you sick.
We are a bus station pub and trying to keep new custom. The final straw was when an old gentleman came in and had his gin and tonic and the old guy was almost sick.
Other people have dropped handbags, shall we say. But when everybody’s choking and I come out with the spray and say don’t do it again, they will appreciate that and stop it."
The Fife License Trade Association agrees with him. “The landlord always has the right to refuse someone and if he feels he has to use that, that’s his prerogative.
You can’t just have one guy sitting there farting his day away and nobody else coming in. If this guy keeps coming and upsetting customers you have to address that."
Now how embarrassing is that???
P.S. I'm running away for a few days to get a little away time before spring break is over. Unfortunately, the kids have decided that they're running away with me.
I'll post the American Midol results and prize information as soon as I get back. Be good!