More Stupid for Breakfast

What in the heck is UP with The National Children's Bureau in the UK? They recently issued a 366-page guide to those in charge of pre-school children to root out racism before it can take hold.

Nurseries are '"encouraged to report as many incidents as possible to their local council."

To quote: This could include a child of as young as three who says "yuk" in response to being served unfamiliar foreign food.

You have GOT to be sh*tting me.

I mean it.

Ok, in the U.S. we are the kings of pork barrel spending. 200 dollar toilet seats, 50 dollar widgets, etc, etc.

I KNOW we have no room to talk, because we've spent a bazillion dollars on studies of cow farts, but by the same token, you'd think that some of our UK critics would realize that giving this council 12 million pounds a year (which roughly translates to about 24 million dollars in yankee money, but don't quote me on that) could be better spent on things like fluoridated water or orthodontia for all the good this directive has.

At the age of 3, neither of my guys would eat anything with curry in it. Did it make them prejudiced against people from India or Pakistan? Did they know where India or Pakistan is? Did they know there was such places as India or Pakistan? Doh.

Little Guy wouldn't eat anything orange, including carrots and oranges. What a pig he was, discriminating against rabbits and Floridians. He wouldn't eat cotton candy either, which clearly shows a bias against clowns.

Sometime in the past, I wrote about how in the 6th grade we did a study on Eskimos, or Inuits in North America. We were shown a standardized and locally infamous film where a father killed a caribou, cut out its eyeball and handed it to his toddler son, who took a big bite out of it. When we watched it in my class, the kid named Gregory in front of me (who weirdly enough I was thinking about around a week ago out of the blue) turned around and yarked on my pants and shoes.

Was that racist against Inuits?

In my opinion, no. If somebody handed me a plate with an eyeball on it, I'd promptly hand it back. Maybe with a little pukey added sauce on my part.

You can't account for personal taste.

My husband despises Lima beans, but he doesn't walk around damning Peruvians.

And inquiring minds want to know: People in the UK traditionally eat blood sausage, toad-in-the-hole and Spotted Dick.

If some "foreigner" turned THEIR nose up at those culinary choices, according to the National Children's Bureau, would they be accused of discriminating against AIDs victims, frogs, and men with freckles on their privates (don't EVEN want to go there!)?

Stupid. They eat stupid for breakfast.

Stupid for Breakfast

Guess who ate a big, steaming bowl for breakfast? We ought to make it official that people who create these kind of signs at least know how to spellz gude.

And which "America" is she talking about? North America? South America?

Let's run right down and insist those Guatamalans speak English only, why don't we? What about those people in Quebec? No French for them!

Sheesh. I actually feel a little embarassed.

Life's a Stage

Is this guy for real? Does he regularly eat big steaming bowls of stupid for breakfast?

That's what I've been asking myself for the last day after reading about the verdict in the Vincent "Don Vito" Margera trial.

On Wednesday, Margera, 51, whose claim to fame is from the MTV show Viva La Bam (about his nephew Bam Margera) was found guilty of groping two underage girls (12 and 14 years old---and not the women pictured) at an autograph signing at a Colorado skate park.

"Big Boob," he said to the 12-year-old.

His attorney claimed that, "her client may have been obnoxious and vulgar but said he was acting according to the character that his fans loved and expected to see."

Oookay. I don't know on what planet I'd "love and expect" to see a slovenly old creep grab little girl titties, but maybe that's just me.

He's also charged with 12 counts in breaking conditions of his bail, which will be heard in court in December. 12 counts? Wonder what he did? Offer a 10-year old a bite of his salami sandwich?

After the verdicts were read, Margera threw himself on the floor and flailed around, knocking down his attorney in the process.

"Jesus! I can't spend the rest of my f------ life in jail! Just f------ kill me now!"

"I can't stand up! My legs! My legs! I can't move," he yelled as deputies tried to calm and subdue him.

"I didn't f------ do nothing. You can rot in f------ hell!"

"I can't move. I can't move," he shouted as deputies surrounded him and the astonished jury looked on.

"I can't get up!" Margera said. "My legs are broke! Help me. Help me!"

It took four deputies to carry him out of the courtroom. All the evidence that was left of the scuffle was a lonely little Hershey bar on the floor.

At the initial incident:

"When two female police officers arrived at the mall parking lot to arrest him, Margera called them "psycho lesbian b------" and thought he was being "punked."

During the arrest, Margera claimed his arm had been broken, prompting a visit to an emergency room. He was cleared and taken back to the police station, only to be returned to the emergency room when he complained he couldn't breathe and was having a heart attack."

I've never seen the TV show that he was on---in fact my original interest was piqued when the incident occurred simply because it happened in the neighborhood where I grew up---but it makes a person wonder.

Is that guy so clueless and histrionic in real life? Was the whole incident a part of his "schtick"? In a world where 4-year-olds get suspended from school for kissing other 4-year-olds, did he think that it was ok for his "character" to grab the breasts, butts and thighs of young girls?

Stupid or creepy, take your pick, I guess. His family must be so proud.

Sheesh!

My First Trifecta! A Richard Cranium Asshat Who Ate Stupid for Breakfast!

So many labels, so little space.

Except between the ears of this week's award winner---store employee Chris Melton. Lots and lots of space there. So much space in fact, that stupid has been breeding like rabbits and have gobbled up whatever thinking brains cells this dingleberry might have ever owned.

A Package (liquor) Store in Atlanta, Georgia, has been busted for selling cups of ice with their booze through their drive-thru window.

State regulations show it's a violation of law for these types of stores to sell anything but bags of ice. The store owner said he didn't know it was a violation and the Georgia Union of Booze Distributors has tried to reinterpret the law to claim that cups of ice sold with a lid through a drive-thru should constitute a "closed container".

Thankfully, the powers that be are stepping up and enforcing the law.

The soundbites from f*ckwitted store employee Chris Melton are one part amusing and two parts frustrating. He insists that it is an American right for people to buy liquor and a cup of ice to drink on their way home.

Where did he get his civics lessons?

“These cats, they have a hard day at work, they come to the liquor store, buy a cup of ice…most people. I’m not saying all of them. Before they get home, they’re gonna drink and drive,” said Melton.

“It’s the American way.”

“They’re going to do it the American way and have a drink while they’re driving,” said Melton.

Does this Asshat actually manage to find his own heinie in the morning or does he need a map?

More Stupid....

You know, I don't know whether to give this criminal a big wet smackaroo, or what. When I saw this article, all I felt is relief. How crazy is that?

My hubby is more cynical. "It's probably a 20-year difference in a prison sentence if he gets caught, and he's not the idiot".

Well maybe so, but we both agree that on April 5th, some mother unfortunately-not-named-by-the-media ate a great big honking steaming bowl of stupid for breakfast. With raisins and a sprinkling of dumbass.

That night, she not only left her keys in her car while she went into an auto store to get oil, but left her sleeping 18-month-old baby as well.

A car-thief drove off with her car.

And brought it back two minutes later.

While she was in the parking lot yelling at him, he ran away and called over his shoulder, "You're lucky you had your kid back there. I ain't gonna do that with a kid in the car."

What kind of idiot parent leaves their baby in the car in this day and age? Unlocked. With the keys inside. At night. Really?

And what does it say about me when I find myself more pissed off at her than at the would-be thief?

Stupid for Breakfast

Here's another example of parents who got up and ate a great big steaming bowl of stupid for breakfast. And most likely for lunch. And probably for dinner.

In fact, I think stupid is all they have in their pantry.

A 12-year-old girl meets a 41-year-old man on a "chat-line". Oy.

What in the hell is a 12-year-old doing on a chat-line?

She tells her parents the "boy" she's talking to is much younger. And she doesn't inform them that he thinks she's 19.

They met him in person when he showed up on their doorstep and apparently didn't think that he looked 41.

But obviously he wasn't 14. Or even 16.

Idiots.

Did they think he had some kind of old fart disease that aged him prematurely, or do they normally think someone who looks old enough to be a grandpappy is an appropriate boyfriend for a 12-year-old?

They allowed him to take her out on a date that night (although they just met him) and he did. First to an arcade, and then a motel room. And again on the next day.

Then they permitted him to drive her 600 miles to his home, presumably to "meet his family". More grandpappy sex ensues.

The 41-year-old man---who must also have a fridge full of stupid for snacks---later gets himself busted in a way so asinine that it only gives credibility to his side of the story.

Thinking that she was 19, he called the police in her town to do a wellness check on her, fearing that she might have been raped in her home. The police investigated, the 12-year-old spilled the beans and Kurt Andrew Hakmiller was charged with three counts of committing lewd acts on a child younger than 13.

The dumbutt's defense? "I don't care if she's 12! She's my girlfriend and I love her!" Eww.

The parents' defense?

Could there possibly be one?

No, thought not.

So Much Stupid, So Little Time...

A Russian woman has successfully sued Coca-Cola for making her ill. She claimed that she became addicted to the soda after participating in a bottle-cap promotion which--ahem--compelled her to drink 3 liters a day for 5 years to win prizes.

She now has a chronic condition whose main symptoms are insomnia and heartburn. Doh!

Two Russian courts agreed with her after viewing her evidence---dozens of inflatable mattresses and radios she swapped for bottle caps.

She was awarded about the equivalent of $117. in U.S. currency.


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A German court has ordered a gynecologist to pay 18 years worth of child-support for botching a contraceptive implant.

Since the parents are no longer together, he also has to partially reimburse the father for child-support payments.

How messed up is that?

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Your 15-year-old son calls from school because he's afraid that another student might be planning to attack him.

What would you do?

1). Tell him to go to the school office immediately (a place of safety) and ask to speak to the principal or campus security.

2). Get on the phone to the office, tell them of your concern and request action.

3). Arm yourself, your two daughters and a family friend with a box cutter and a knife, drive down to the school, storm the classroom and assault the 16-year-old student.

Who had seconds of stupid for breakfast?