Thursday, January 18, 2007

Technology is Amazing!

This post involves a little "girl talk", so if you're uncomfortable with that you might want to hit the back button.

But it's not like this is a private conversation, so feel free to jump on in.

I read an article the other day about a Russian man who grew a penis on his arm.


Once I got beyond the "ewwwww" factor, a lot of questions kept popping up in my mind. Inquiring minds and all...

I tried to talk to Hubby about it, but he just looked pained and made sure "his" were all still there.

Apparently the man had a birth defect. His johnson was only 2 1/2 inches long, crooked and he had no scrotum. Russian doctors amputated it and attached it to his arm.

Yes I know this sounds like the beginning to a really bad joke, but you can read the article here, and see the visuals.


Using body tissue, they grew it to 6 inches, then reattached it in the "right" place.

Unfortunately, the article is pretty vague about many of the particulars.

Like:

How long did this take? I'm guessing that it had to have taken weeks or months. I doubt there is some kind of miracle qualities about arms that grow tissue at an advanced rate, or else we'd hear about people walking around with ears and noses and stuff attached to their arms for replacement parts for accident victims.

Michael Jackson would probably have 4 noses in assorted shapes and styles growing on his staff... I mean his employees.

So considering that the procedure probably took at least a couple of months, did the patient have to have special shirts made? I can't see him strapping that thing under his watchband to keep it in place. Or did he just wear [eek!] short sleeves?

What about nerve endings? Did "it" have sensation or movement, or was it just a flopping useless hunk of meat?


Kevin Federline jokes aside, I tried to imagine what the experience would be like. The closest I could come to was considering strapping a kielbasa to my forearm for a day.

I wouldn't think it would be pleasant, and it would probably make ordinary life difficult, like when you have to stick your hand down the garbage disposal to pull out chicken bones and gunk.

And geez, what if he got excited? I swear, if I was at the mall and saw a guy with a boner on his arm in the panty department at Sears, I'd rip my eyeballs out and throw myself headfirst down the closest escalator!

I think technology today is amazing. The doctors reattached the patient's member and fashioned a new scrotum with silicone testicles. I'm sure it made a huge difference in his life in regards to his body self-image and esteem. They also inserted silicone tubes to ensure that erection is possible.

But I do have a skeptic's view of the surgeon's final claim.

“Women will never suspect it is artificial.”

Yeah, sure. And frog's legs really do "taste just like chicken!"

Heh.

38 comments:

zydeco fish said...

Fascinating, but I wonder if it is really true. The photo is not flattering at all.

~Deb said...

Okay...I read this and was like, "This is not real!" I'm reading this article that you provided and I'm still shocked! I bet you anything this is going to be a huge hit for the transgender community and the women who want to become men and get a sex change. Baffling.

Great write up!

Terri said...

How did you come across this?
It's crazzzyyy!!

Rootietoot said...

Well, you know how important it is to a man. A woman can have no breasts and will still be a woman, but a man with a woefully inadequate pecker is no man a'tall.
Naturally, the (most likely male) doctors were sympathetic. Too bad they didn't do it to him when he was a kid. Imagine the cache' it would have given him in high school!

Anonymous said...

“Women will never suspect it is artificial.”

Yeah, sure. And frog's legs really do "taste just like chicken!"
Well, we ARE talking about Russian women afterall....they don't suspect they are being given steriods until they start 'growing their own'!

Anonymous said...

Gross and disgusting (I checked out the link) and once again you have given me my daily laugh!

Have you ever thought of writing a column for a newspaper? You should check out local ones and see if they like your stuff. (You could use your blog - although they'd probably censor or edit you!)

Anonymous said...

Oh eeewww

What do men do with those things all day? All that flopping around, hanging left, hanging right...I would think 2.5 inches would be a blessing.

Anonymous said...

Oh mY GOodness...
What a big loud laugh...
Very very funny.

Yes it does give "rise" to some unusual questions...and I quite agree about the ripping the eyeballs out and escalator part...

How ever do you find such articles?

Gawd I would never dare to google "grow your own penis"...

Ha!!

Anonymous said...

Hi Attila,
OMG, your post is incredibly entertaining as well as educational (??). Is this the result of your being “house bound”? The story sounds like a 21st century version of “The Six Million Dollar Man”, the TV series that ran from 1974-1978. Here’s a visual; the guy with the extra “appendage” shakes hands with a blonde bombshell and things begin to perk up…there’d be no need to question if he was glad to see her.

I wonder if John Wayne Bobbit considered this operation after Loretta wielded her knife.

Thanks for the laugh this afternoon!

abfh said...

Bwaaaah! I've read about doctors who grow thumbs and other small body parts for their patients (tissue engineering really is a fascinating field) but I never would've thought anyone would be brave (or crazy) enough to try THAT!

And what's really scary is that in a few years, when this surgery has been perfected and is less risky, all the guys with tiny dicks may be getting it, just like we now have millions of women getting boob implants... the surgeons will be advertising their easy financing program for dick jobs... you'll go to a baseball game on a hot day in July and half the guys will be sitting there in long-sleeved sweatshirts...

Where DO you find these stories?! I'll probably be laughing at this one for the rest of the day...

Myron said...

Silicone balls, huh? Wouldn't it have been funnier if they gave him stainless ones? I mean some good tighty whities and he wouldn't clank when he walked but when he started gettin' busy.....

Anonymous said...

First response....ewwww.

Second response....to ask, if they can make it grow longer, why can't they make it grow longer in his pants? Why did they have to move it to his arm? That just seems wacky!

Anonymous said...

While I have never heard of a "member" being grown, I did hear of a man who lost his nose to frostbite and had it regrown on his forehead. I think it took close to a year. He kept a bandage over it. WOW! Sometimes truth IS stranger than fiction!

carmachu said...

I hate to see your favorite list as you scroll trough the internet....

Interesting...

Special K said...

I remember a number of years ago there was a similar story, only the person in question had to have a replacement nose which doctors grew on (wait for it)...his forehead. Dude, you can't even wear a hat to cover that shit.

Special K said...

Oops...if I'd read the other comments before flapping my gums, I wouldn't have cited the story already mentioned by the queen of mayhem.

My bad.

Big Pissy said...

This is one of the most bizarre things I've ever heard!


Thank you so much! *LOL*

Anonymous said...

OMG! The thoughts now going through my head...

Is it okay to play with it when it's on your arm?

Do silicone testicles itch as much as real ones?

Do you need to check it's still there even more often once they've relocated it twice?

Oh the questions. Oh the images.

HY-STERICAL

Anonymous said...

OK, that's just false advertising. I got all excited. OOO! GIRL TALK! I CAN FINALLY FIGURE OUT WHAT Y'ALL TALK ABOUT WHEN THERE ARE NO MEN AROUND! Then I read it. It was absolutely hilarious. An arm penis. And to be honest, if my arm penis got a boner in the JC Penney I'd probably hurl myself headfirst down an elevator shaft.

Still, is that what you women talk about? Arm penises?

Anonymous said...

Are you sure this wasn't out of that publication that's tracking Bat Boy?

Penises on arms. Ears on a mouse's back. What's next, boobs on the knees???

Still, I have to say, no matter how much nice women like to say, "Honey, it's not the size of the boat, it's the motion in the ocean," 2 1/2 inches wouldn't even make a ripple.

Kim Ayres said...

So this is what girls talk about is it?

I can't help but think they should have attached it to the middle of his face and when anyone asked what it was he could say "f*ck nose"

quinn said...

I had a hard enough time just getting past the first photo of the chick with a chicken perched on her. Kinda made me do a double take.

Then to read the rest , well, I guess it makes one think alot of things. My thing was if I were a man and went to shake his hand I might be taken-a-back..and be very carefull to be sure I was in fact shaking his HAND!!!

Wouldn't want him to be TOO HAPPY to see me!

Anonymous said...

So... ehm... all that time it was attached to his arm... was he able to "use" it like that??? Now THAT would be fascinating... in some nasty wrong sorta way...

Anonymous said...

I'm scared.

brenda said...

I've really had a bad day today but that made me feel better pretty quick. I'm truly thankful that I have all my body parts in all the right places.

Samantha said...

Waaaaaaaa, that sounds so weird! Imagine if you went out with him!!

Anonymous said...

Okay, that is just so odd.

Rev. Qelqoth said...

Well, that certainly puts plastic surgery into a whole different ballpark altogether. So what next? Amputated midget hookers with snot running down the testicles that are surgically grafted onto their chin and...oh...err...

...I just came.

Anonymous said...

Just one little thought springs to mind... urm how did he take a wee??

Lisa Goldstein/Kelly Kelly said...

hoooo boy. I was in disbelief reading this one. Life is strange. hee hee.

Lisa

shirley said...

Oh. My. GOD!! Meanwhile, still no cure for cancer, huh?

Nikki said...

LMAO

Attila, where do you come up with this stuff?

I must have really been awkward for him to masterbate.

LMAO

Anonymous said...

Wow. We've gone from growing ears on rats to growing penises on arms...

Weird how medical science takes strange turns like that!

~Joel -- aside_the_line

Annie Drogynous said...

Okay...I can't get past the ew factor.

Gonzo (Marijke) said...

My imagination loves this news! Just like you, I started to think about all kind of questions...

Maybe it's a nice way to get rich, in the future... Your body for hire for growing body parts? Three penises on the left arm, $30,000 every month (x 3 = 90,000), a few noses (Michael!) and ears (too late for Van Gogh) on the right...? And a few tits on your back!

Greetings from The Netherlands ;)

Girl In Her Underwear said...

Ha ha! I laughed through this entire thing. I got my husband addicted to this site, so he's been trying to get me to read this post for two days. He even pulled it up on his phone at the family lunch before my grandmother's funeral. It's prompted a lot of conversation in our house. Now I hear tons of penis on the arm references. Thanks a LOT! Just kidding. Amazing how Ironman can work this topic into almost any conversation.

Anonymous said...

I'm speechless.

Ask anyone... I'm NEVER speechless.

Anonymous said...

Only you would find this, Attila. "Is that a penis on your arm AND are you happy to see me?"