Tuesday, January 09, 2007

Bad Idea #389---Using Your Hoo-hoo to Smuggle Smack

There is just so much wrong with this story that I had to write something about it.

Over the weekend, Cassandra Jones, 42, of Connecticut was arrested trying to smuggle heroin, some unidentified pills and a scalpel to her husband, who is serving a 25-years-to-life sentence in prison.

Up her you-know-what.


Disguised by a tampon.

That must have been some freaking tampon!

Believe you me, there is absolutely no man on earth worth putting a scalpel up my privates for.

No how. No way.

Honey, I love you, but if you're going to be IN the poky instead of giving ME the poky for 25+ years, there's not a snowball's chance in Hades that I'm going to risk a do-it-yourself hysterectomy.

"Washington County District Attorney Kevin Kortright, who has prosecuted hundreds of prison contraband cases, said he's seen everything from snack cakes to typewriters used by visitors to try to secrete drugs, weapons and other contraband."

Ok, I can theoretically imagine someone sticking a Ho-ho up their hoo-hoo, but a typewriter? Great googly-moogly! How is that possible?

Wait a minute. I read that wrong.

Never mind.

The most disturbing thing about this scenario?

Jones is a 3rd grade teacher.

How scary is that?

30 comments:

shirley said...

Ewwww... imagine how she grades homework!

carmachu said...

You women do really stupid things to keep men.....granted, so do we at times for women, but nothing THAT stupid.

Yeah, its very scary she's a teacher. What the hell is she thinking?


I watch a show on supermax prisons. THey slip drugs on postcards. POSTCARDS. Split them open and reseal them.

Anonymous said...

Ouch.
My husband would be lucky to get a cake - never mind any contraband in it. Actually, if my husband was in prison (and guilty) I wouldn't be baking him a cake. I'd be so pissed off at him.
A teacher. Hmm. Not good. Love is crazy, blind - all those things.

quinn said...

Yeah well that teacher gets an F

for #$%$%^ FOOL

Anonymous said...

Oh my that is too funny. Especially the Hoho up the hoo hoo part. Actually my first reaction about the typewriter was the same as yours. Then I had a gross thought about who would actually eat the hoho. Put me off hoho's for life.

Thanks for the compliment on my pictures. It made my night.

Anonymous said...

brilliant post...dumb-ass teacher...nuff said!!

**still laughing at ho-ho up the hoo-hoo!!**

Anonymous said...

OK... I'lll just have to say this: a tampon with heroin... that must make you have multiple orgasms, really intense ones, while walking around...

Hmmm... *off to patent office*

Anonymous said...

Dutchy is REALLY excited about her idea!

RC said...

that's certifiably disgusting.

maybe you should have saved this for a valentine's day post on true love.

brenda said...

My son is a correctional officer and he says there's no telling what some of the folks could be if they'd put as much energy and imagination into a job search as they do in smuggling stuff in to the inmates.


Whoa! I think I'd be checkin to see what this gal was teachin my child. "Ho-Ho in the Po-Po 101".

Mr. Fabulous said...

A hoo-ha you can smuggle a typewriter in with?

I think I dated that girl...

Once.

Anonymous said...

What I would like to know is who found it... and how :0{ Your prison visitor searches are pretty damn thorough. Glad I don't do that job!!

Anonymous said...

Hmmm...but HOW did they know?

Do they search every tampon on the premises? Or did they catch it on the metal detector? Or were they tipped off? Would she of gotten away with it if it wasn't for the metal scalpel?

Oh, nooooo, please tell me they didn't use drug dogs! And if they did, explain how every dog always knows when it's period time BEFORE any woman does!?

And how was she going to retrieve the tampon with cameras all over the joint? Too weird. What some women won't do for some men!

Great story, mom! Hugs...

Deb said...

that is more than ummm strange. However I will admit to smuggling Coke in my hoo-hoo on an airplane trip with girlfriends so we could party it up one weekend in a different state...

It is scary she is a 3rd grade teacher though!

Anonymous said...

That is too funny! Everything but the kitchen sink.

She should get a prize or something...

Anonymous said...

A scalpel! That makes me cringe just thinking about it.

Samantha said...

That is wrong on soooo many levels!

Anonymous said...

"...heroin, some unidentified pills and a scalpel..." A scalpel!?!?!? Ouch! I wonder if she has my remote control up there too, it's been lost for while >:0 Great post!

Anonymous said...

Okay, I am squirming in my seat just thinking about that! YUCK! You are so right....NO man is that good! I love my husband as well.....but I assure you, this teacher will not be smuggling anything in the ho-ho region! Sometimes truth really is stranger than fiction!

PS: I just commented that Angelina Jolie isn't in any position to pass judgement on anyone. I might have mentioned vials of blood and making out with her brother.....but I can't be certain! :)

Anonymous said...

OOPS!!! hoo-hoo, not ho-ho region...can we say Freudian slip?

kim said...

amazing the things people do ... thats just more proof, you never know what people are thinkin - wait a big part of them arent thinkin at ALL !

Anonymous said...

Wow! I never ceased to be amazed by crazed people! I'm glad Duane "Dog" Chapman "The Bounty Hunter" is around! Thanks for visiting me!!

Annie Drogynous said...

LMAO at the Ho Ho up the hoo hoo!

This story is almost as good as the woman who mailed pot to herself. Although the scalpel up her hoo ha (as I like to call it) wins hands down.

Anonymous said...

Ho hos. You crack me up.

What's up with these yahoos?

phlegmfatale said...

OMG - she's a teacher? Horrors!

I once worked with a woman who was going to Mexico and rolled an 8-ball of cocaine in papertowels and did the tampon action with it so she'd have coke on the beach. I said, "Duh, you're going to Mexico. Why not just buy it when you get there?" This strongly influenced future choices for me - didn't want to have anything in common with someone like that!

Anonymous said...

How does one ... a TYPEWRITER??????? I agree. I don't want to know how.

Sassy said...

Ah, ummmm, ewwwwwwww. Like I'd put something that MIGHT CUT ME up my vaajaajaa. Riiiight-o.

Anonymous said...

As always, This freaked me out!!!But gawd, what if it breaks?
Geez, a typewriter?
are you kidding me????

Anonymous said...

WOW. I am slightly curious as to how they were caught. That would be a hard job to have...the confiscator!
~BendingPeak

Lord Matt said...

Eek!