Thursday, May 18, 2006
You Can Prick Your Finger...
George Carlin had it right. It's all about language and how we "arrange" it.
I'm going out on a limb here.
Well not really, because I know that women have actually secretly manipulated the universe for the last 20 years or so, and we just like to let men think they're in charge.
In another 20 years, we'll have complete world domination and hot men will be wearing thongs in public and the others will be forced to shave their backs, strap up those saggy man boobs and wear girdles while they do the dishes.
:::Subliminal Message for male readers: Hooters! You didn't process the above paragraph! Beer! Bunions are sexy! NFL! We wimmens are really reading romance novels while you're tailgaiting and not plotting against you! Rimjob! Uh, keep dreaming. Leave The Seat Up! Hugh Hefner and Donald Trump would be hot even if they were broke! Foot Massage on your gnarly-ass stanky feet! You are getting very sleepy! Like when you eat all that turkey and stuffing on Thanksgiving and loll on the couch, snoring and farting and dreaming of Jessica Simpson feeding you cheesy pizza bites in her kicky red cowboy boots!::::
If you're easily offended by smut in a general sense, please hit the back button.
That is if the above hasn't chased you away already.
Mom, this means you.
My last post was about language, and how it's evolving too fast for me to keep up.
It didn't start out to be about my nephew's silliness, but I thought that bit was cute enough to stand on it's own.
It really started with an article I read the other night, about how some citizens in Arizona were objecting to a Las Vegas restaurant franchising in their area.
It's a successful eatery called "The Pink Taco". Their supposed signature dish is tacos made with magenta corn tortillas.
I didn't "get" it.
Like I said a couple of days ago, oh boy, am I out of the loop.
So I asked my husband.
"Have you ever heard of a Pink Taco?"
Huh? A what?
"A Pink Taco. I just read an article about how this Arizona city is up in arms because a restaurant wants to franchise there and people find the name offensive. Do you have any idea why? Have you heard anything about this?"
After a moment or so of thinking, he got a look on his face.
Several looks, actually. One after another.
I recognized them.
The first was the "I wish I belonged to another species" look. Complete with a blush that turned him beet red from head to--uh--neck.
The second look was--"Sh*t! I can't lie! She Googles!"
The third was---"How can I come out of this looking good?"
What he actually said was, "Are you going to hurt me?"
Then he added, "You know, when I was in college I used to go to a bar in Ocean City called 'The Bearded Clam'".
So then I got it.
Well blech. Double blech. Silly me.
I have a lot of references saved up in my favorites places. Some include scatalogical euphamisms and fart terms. I never like---uh---really pored over them in detail--I just have them in case I ever need a creative way to say "chuck a turd".
Included in those references are dictionaries of slang terms about sex.
So I pulled them up. Not a "Pink Taco" entry amongst them.
But what I DID find, was acres of mostly gross euphamisms about female body parts and female bodily functions.
Who comes up with all this stuff? Need I ask?
Nestled in the gazillion definitions of breasts, menstruation, loose women, illegitimate children, female genitalia, sex, bums and blowjobs is one brief category. About the male naughty bits.
Listed are definitions like:
Sporting a Sequoia
Ladies, I think we need to step up the timeline for that world domination thingy.
Hillary or Condi in 2008!