Monday, May 15, 2006
Parents Behaving Badly #3
So many dingleberries, so little blogspace.
This past weekend, Genevieve Rachel Nielsen of Arizona was told by authorities that her entire life was based on a lie.
Her father picked her up for an overnight visit in Michigan in 1976, when she was 21 months old and absconded with her, raising her to believe that her mother had died in a car accident.
Oakland County never closed the case of the missing girl. Earlier this year, they teamed up with the U.S. Marshall's office and followed a tip that the kidnapping father was serving time in prison under an assumed name.
Nielsen and her mother, Laura Gooder have received each other's contact information, but as yet there are no reports on a reunion.
As a parent, I just can't imagine the level of spite that goes into crimes like these.
Obviously, there have been incidences where one parent snatches the kid because there are legitimate abuse concerns that have been mired down in red-tape and there are safety issues. I'm certainly not condoning it, and it doesn't seem to be the case in this instance.
I've been divorced, and I've been mighty pissed-off at my ex as well. There were times when I sort of wished that he would just disappear from the face of the planet (no painful tortuous demise, mind you--just a poof! and he's gone), because I was just tired of dealing with all of his crap.
But as Judge Judy is so fond of saying, "You picked him."
Why yes. Yes I did.
So even if I wanted to be spiteful and ignore the fact that he has rights, if I want to be a good mom I have to remember that our sons have rights too.
They have the right to have their dad be a part of their lives. And as adults, it's up to us to make it work. Not steal away their heritage and rob them of relationships with people who love them.
As a reunited adoptee, I've lived with "not knowing" for many years. Some adoptees don't care to know about that part of their lives. Some do.
But at least my adoptive parents never lied to me. They gave me all the information they had received upon my adoption, and it was never a secret.
There is an entire subset of adoptees who are called Late Discovery Adoptees (LDAs). These are people who were never told that they were adopted, and many found out after a parent's funeral. BB Church is one of those adoptees and writes about the damage these types of lies can cause in his blog.
I just don't understand how any person can lay claim to being a good parent when the entire foundation of their relationship with their child is based on a lie.
Whatever their intentions, in my opinion, it's just a bad, bad thing to do. No excuse is good enough.