Saturday, May 06, 2006
Rules For Letting Loose
I was going to write about a funny in the news today. A guy in London tried to mug a woman for her two bags full of dog poo (she didn't carry them around for kicks, she was walking her dog who seems to sh*t a LOT).
While trying to find more details, I went to Google News and typed in "poo".
And something completely different caught my eye.
Apparently a health organization in the UK has published a guide to crapping correctly.
You heard it here first, folks.
Good Defaecation Dynamics was produced by NHS Tayside, and has the seal of approval by the Continence Foundation.
Tips for blasting a dookie include "When you sit on the toilet, make sure your feet are well supported. You may need to use a foot stool."
"Keep your mouth open. Aim to do this every time."
First of all, how in the world could I position myself using a footstool? My knees would be around my ears. I'm trying to download--not give birth--for pete's sakes!
And why should I keep my mouth open? To catch flies? To keep my ears from popping?
Hopefully some blogger in the UK will get his/her hands on a copy of this informative publication and give us a holler.
Inquiring minds and all...
P.S. ...On the dog poo woman. Her dog must have been absolutely massive to produce two bags of doody. Why didn't it just bite the damn mugger's arm off?