I was going to write about a funny in the news today. A guy in London tried to mug a woman for her two bags full of dog poo (she didn't carry them around for kicks, she was walking her dog who seems to sh*t a LOT).
While trying to find more details, I went to Google News and typed in "poo".
And something completely different caught my eye.
Apparently a health organization in the UK has published a guide to crapping correctly.
You heard it here first, folks.
Good Defaecation Dynamics was produced by NHS Tayside, and has the seal of approval by the Continence Foundation.
Tips for blasting a dookie include "When you sit on the toilet, make sure your feet are well supported. You may need to use a foot stool."
and
"Keep your mouth open. Aim to do this every time."
Come again?
First of all, how in the world could I position myself using a footstool? My knees would be around my ears. I'm trying to download--not give birth--for pete's sakes!
And why should I keep my mouth open? To catch flies? To keep my ears from popping?
Hopefully some blogger in the UK will get his/her hands on a copy of this informative publication and give us a holler.
Inquiring minds and all...
P.S. ...On the dog poo woman. Her dog must have been absolutely massive to produce two bags of doody. Why didn't it just bite the damn mugger's arm off?
9 comments:
*shaking head* Now there's a person who's got time on his hands.
You have absolutely nothing to do if you write a guide on how to go poo.
Bahahaha. That completely passed me by.
Nice catch!
Now, I've heard everything!
As we say in Texas, "Who gives a sh*t" on how to take a sh*t!
Wonder what that lady was feeding her dog?
Friends tell me of an Oprah episode about poop where she "approved" the soft serve kind. I wonder if it's like Oprah's Book Club, and if there's some way to place her seal of approval on poop?
I was self-taught at potty (I didn't take direction well), but in the eight years it took me to learn, these techniques never occurred to me.
I saw the comment you left on my "Blogging Against Disablism Day" post, and came over here to check you out and think very deeply about what you had to say. But all I can think of is:
Asshats *and* poop? Where have you been all my life?!
Love the blog!
While surfing, did you find the ratemypoo.com website? Totally disgusting. I haven't looked at it in years, but I gag at the memory.
Hallo I absolutely adore your site. You have beautiful graphics I have ever seen.
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Greets to the webmaster of this wonderful site. Keep working. Thank you.
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