Sunday, November 15, 2009

Day 23


I know I should be grateful that the weather has been as beautiful as it has for the last 10 days or so, considering it's November.

This morning, all I can think of is Bah! More snow! Driving down the mountain in this crap just ratchets up my own anxiety level about 10 notches.

Found out why Big Kid was no longer on Risperidone. Back when they consulted with his neuro-psych, they didn't actually consult with him. They consulted with the doctor who was on call for him. Of course, he didn't know Big Kid's history, and when he prescribed the Haldol (which the kid was on for a total of 2 days, because it wasn't working), they discontinued his Risperidone. ::sigh::

Since he was sedated yesterday, they stopped the anti-psychotic they were using and let it get out of his system. Started him back on the Risperidone last night. Hope to God it works.

The kid had a little bit of a urinary tract infection the other day, and a bad reaction to the anti-biotics. He came out in a rash. The infection seem to have cleared up, so they're going to go ahead with the feeding tube in his stomach today.

I'm trying so hard to be kind and patient to those around me. I'm a sharpish, no-bullsh*t kind of person by nature, so it's difficult, especially now, since the original numbness I've been engulfed in (between raging bouts of panic) is wearing thin.

I know I look like the dog's dinner. I've been dressing for comfort, not style. Yes, sometimes I've forgotten to comb my hair for a couple of days and just threw it up in a bun. Makeup? Heh. At least I'm clean though.

Anyway I can only imagine how I'm viewed by the medical professionals who are in and out and rotating. I know image can be everything. Most have been kind with my incessant questions, and probably see me as a frumpy, frantic mom with a permanently stunned look on my face. A couple of have been impatient, and talk to me like I'm 12.

I've been persistent though. If they want to me to sign for a procedure, I need to have all the facts. If I don't understand something, I'm going to ask and ask for clarification until I do.

One impatient young medical professional started calling me "hon" over and over kind of in a snotty way. He wouldn't have dared if my husband was with me, and that alone annoyed the crap out of me. After the third time, I was thinking, "Pal, I don't care if you call me Attila or Mrs. Mom, but if you call me 'hon' one more time, I'm going to rip out your thorax and present your lungs to my son for a transplant."

And then of course a moment later I was praying, "Oh God, oh God, forgive me for being so nasty to this man who is trying to save my boy."

So on top of everything, now I have to deal with the voices in my own head. ;-)

Still no changes on the x-ray, and he's on 70% oxygen. He's resting quietly.

Thanks again for all your healing thoughts, and please send me the strength to have more patience.

20 comments:

Juan Scawymuthafucca said...

I can only imagine how this is all wearing on your last nerve. Hell, it's wearing on mine! ;) There seems to be too much to do and too many people involved so the ball was dropped. I hope putting him back on the medication helps, that the replacing the feeding tube works better and I'm keeping my fingers, eyes, toes and bra crossed that the "hon" doctor doesn't cause you anymore grief 'cause I would hate to be around if that happens! xoxoxo

Ashley's Mom said...

You continue to be exactly the Mom you are being. Big Kid needs you the most. Yes, he does indeed need the medical professionals, but you are the alpha dog in this pack.

Many, many prayers continuing to come your way...

yorksnbeans said...

Keep on asking those questions!! Don't let them intimidate you. Just make sure to take care of yourself. Hugs....

St Jude said...

Ripping out thoraxs, presenting lungs. Ah, there's the old Attila I know and love, I knew she would be lurking there somewhere.

I hope being back on his appropriate med will have the desired effect.

litzi said...

You mean those voices in my head are figments of my imagination? I thought they were similar to the myriad of Facebook friends I’ve been accruing.

The doctor who persisted on addressing you as hon could use a refresher course in Bedside Etiquette; obviously he failed it miserably in medical school.

There have been some Baby Steps forwards in getting Big Kid’s psychiatric meds adjusted; now they need to concentrate on getting his lungs to function without a ventilator.

Please try to stay optimistic…(((hugs)))

Webster said...

Under the circumstances I felt that your response to that doctor was completely appropriate. Actually, under ANY circumstances, I think it would have been completely appropriate. I mean, really, how disrespectful of him. Best he learn his bedside manners early in his career.

It's good that you ask questions, and it's their job to answer them until you understand. That's just the way it is.

Sounds like Big Kid is getting better, ever so slowly. You must be exhausted. My prayers are with you all.

Kim Ayres said...

Go for the medic's kidneys, liver and heart, then wrap them in his bladder and make a haggis :)

Beth said...

Mothers know their kids better than anyone else. To some extent, they should be included in the medical team as consultants. Keep asking questions and making suggestions. Never mind what they think of you – you’re doing it for your son.
I’m sending thoughts and prayers for you to have the strength to stay patient but I also want you to stay persistent!

Frau said...

Baby steps forward....I hope today is a better day for all. ((Hugs))

Jan said...

Good for you! Your family continues to be in my thoughts and prayers.

Anonymous said...

You are doing a GREAT job as a mom and an advocate for Big Kid - that's a huge challenge. Don't worry if you lose it with "Dr. Hon" - chances are good the rest of the staff is none too pleased with that behavior either, but they can't convince him how inappropriate it is.
slow progress, hope the risperidone takes hold soon and helps him settle...will keep you all in my thoughts.

Jeanie said...

I hear you on not needing this snow on top of everything else. I am in Colorado near Boulder. I agree with so much that was said above...You are the alpha dog here and BK needs you. You are doing a great job. And I will say it again and again...take care of yourself so you can take care of him.

Rootietoot said...

COnsider calling Dr. Hon "sweetmeats" or something next time he comes around. Here's to the risperdone working. More prayers, warm thoughts, all that.

Chicago Mom said...

You poor thing, don't worry what anyone is thinking about your hair or clothes. If they knew what you were going through they would be amazed you are still walking! My advice for dealing with rude docs is to kill'em with kindness and make them feel guilty for being rude or short with you. More prayers and hugs to you!

Big Pissy said...

It's amazing to me that you're able to do what you do everyday....hold it all together...carry on....not many people could do it.

Constant good thoughts for you and your family. :)

amy said...

I couldn't imagine how difficult it would be to remain patient and kind when you know that your child's health (and life!) could be in someone's hands!! Shame on them for not remembering what it is like to be human sometimes.

Anonymous said...

:How close are you to the Mayo Clinic? I dont like this place. I dont like Colorado. I hope youve all had your shots. finally. They waited pretty long for that. Yeah, the nurses are nice but whose in charge? I dont like this. Big Kid is a nice boy and deserves the best.

Stinkypaw said...

I'm sure the quacks think of you as a caring mother, not about the way you dress. It's only normal for you to be frazzle, who wouldn't be under the circumstances... Do take care of yourself and maybe you should bring your bunny slippers over, it might be good. ;-) Bug hugs

Green Girl in Wisconsin said...

Attila, if there was one warrior-mother I'd want in my corner, it would be you. Big Kid is blessed that you're his mom and I bet all those people at the hospital think so, too, regardless of what it seems like in the moment. Stay strong.

Joanna Jenkins said...

I'm with Green Girl-- Warrior Mom is the perfect title for you. You are Bid Kid's advocate so march on-- bun, no make-up and all-- And putting a young doc or two in their place is simply a lesson in manners (theirs)-- I think a lot of young docs skipped the "How To Talk To A Middle Aged Woman" class in med school.

Fight on! xo