Parents Behaving Badly

You guys already know I've got a bug up my butt about personal responsibility. This week's story really takes the cake.

Or should I say cheese sandwich?

The Chula Vista school district is the largest elementary school district in California and serves about 18,000 meals a day.

In 2004, the district had a parental lunch debt on the books to the tune of $300,000. They had to find a way to control the rising costs before it started to effect their budgets on equipment and books, because deadbeat parents had no incentive to pay.

Enter the cheese sandwich. The district decided that the children whose parents owed a lunch debt would get only one choice at lunch.

If you guessed it wasn't pizza or burgers, you'd be correct. It was cheese on whole wheat.

And it worked. In 2006, the lunch debt was decreased to $67,000.

But the deadbeat parents are angry about the "sandwich of shame". One girl cried when she couldn't have macaroni and cheese. Another hid in the bathroom to avoid getting one. A boy was upset when a cafeteria worker took away his pizza and told him to pick a sandwich instead.

“The kid was humiliated,” said his father.

Well whose fault is that, ya bonehead? The school district's? Seriously?

Other districts across the nation have implemented similar measures. One district in North Carolina used peanut butter and jelly as their alternative meal, but that didn't seem to work very well. PB & J is usually the meal of choice in that age group. ;-)

Stupid Asshat Parent Behaving Badly

I didn't know whether to file this under "Did You Eat a Steaming Bowl of Stupid for Breakfast?" or "Asshat of the Week" or "Parents Behaving Badly". It's so nasty that it seems to encompass all three.

So I'm going to call it Stupid Asshat Parent Behaving Badly. Really really badly.

Julie Figueroa was recently convicted of forcing her 12-year-old son and 13-year-old daughter to take explicit nude photos of herself so she could put them on the internet to meet men. Some of the pictures were taken with her son's cell phone camera, and he took it to school and shared the photos with his friends. [eww. ewwwwww]

The kids are now in the custody of their father.

Figueroa apparently didn't comprehend the potential damage to her children or the level of inappropriateness involved in this crime. She came to her sentencing wearing a pair of tight jeans that had "Booty" on one butt cheek and "Licious" on the other---emblazoned in rhinestones.

I'm sure that wasn't lost on the judge.

She was sentenced to 9 to 48 months in prison. As she was handcuffed and let from the courtroom, her 20-year-old daughter went into a rant.

"This isn't fair!" she screamed.

I agree.

No child should be forced to take beaver shots of Mommy.

What in the hell is wrong with people?

Parents Behaving Badly---Danny Vu, Again!

You might remember Danny Vu when I wrote him up as Asshat of the Week. He's the guy who tried to sell his toddler daughter to a customer in his nail salon for $7000. Why? He needed some money to fix up his home.

Turns out he tried to do it before.

After his arrest, another client came forward and reported that Vu had offered her his daughter for $10,000. Vu faces trial in January.

Since there's been a lot of anti-adoption brouhaha of the "Natural Family or No Family at All" type going around on some of the adoption blogs lately, what I want to know is:

Is there NEVER an instance where adoption is an appropriate solution for a kid?

You'd think trying to sell your child for cash would rank somewhere on the top ten I Really REALLY Don't Want to be a Parent list.

Sheesh.

Wanna-be Parents Behaving Badly

In yet another case of baby-rabies gone wild, the body of a St. Louis woman was found with her fetus cut out of her womb. Chief on the list of suspects is a cousin, who confided to her boyfriend that the "stillborn" baby they recently buried wasn't actually theirs.

Update---the woman was a friend, not a cousin, and is now being charged in the deaths of the victim's three other children. The bodies were found yesterday.

This came hot on the heels of the kidnapping of baby Abigail Woods, also of Missouri, which fortunately didn't end in the death of either baby or mother (not for lack of trying on the part of the suspect though---mom suffered a slashed throat).

Last year in Missouri, a similar crime happened when Bobby Jo Stinnet was murdered, her baby cut out of her body and stolen. The baby was later rescued, unharmed, in Kansas.

Makes a person wonder...

What in the hell do they put in the water in Missouri?

Parents Behaving Badly

What would Mr. Rogers say?


You know, when I read the first stories about the following incident, I was furious. I imagine I looked like a red-faced cartoon character with steam shooting out of my ears.

And I had tears in my eyes.

After a neighborhood spat, Darren Galbraith hung a sign in his yard directed at his neighbor, whose 13-year-old son has autism and other developmental disabilities.

It said, "CAUTION. RETARD'S IN AREA."

Despite protests from the community, the police and disability advocates, he refused to take it down.

Carrie Heaton, the boy's mother commented, "They've put up this sign now, that we feel is very discriminatory against my son."

I sat down and wrote an indignant post full of scathing comments such as "flabby bully and high-mileage wife", and noted the misuse of the apostrophe with, "who's the 'retard', you ignorant dipsh*t?"

Obviously, this incident was a huge trigger for me.

I put the post on ice, and walked away from it for a few days.

Since the initial reports came out, additional articles have followed-up on the story and given a more complete--and complex--view of the situation.

My self-righteous fury (which seemed to be so black and white originally) is now muddied down to many shades of gray. I thought about abandoning this subject completely, but it has been weighing on my mind.

It seems as if most of the adults in this boy's life are failing him, and it makes me feel so sad.

In the two years that the Heatons have lived in this Nephi, Utah neighborhood, the police have been called many times.

On one side are multiple neighbors who've complained about an unsupervised boy who throws rocks (at cars and at other children), exposes himself, pokes dogs with sticks, enters their homes uninvited and rummages through their belongings.

On the other is a mother who blames the situation on mean-spirited and bigoted neighbors who are picking on her son for his disabilities.

"People like to use him for a scapegoat. They're always threatening, if he steps on their grass, 'Well, we're calling the cops. We're calling the cops.' You know what? Call the cops."

Just like in her last neighborhood.

Hello?

What was that?

The police have a different story. Heaton's son does have a history of throwing things at cars and going into other people's homes. He once walked into an elderly woman's bathroom while she was in the bath.

They've been loath to issue any citations because of the boy's disabilities, and have usually left the scene after giving Heaton a good talking-to.

And so the neighbors are beyond frustration, because the behavior is ongoing.

Due to ridicule, condemnation and publicity, the Galbraiths have taken down that horrific sign and social services are finally stepping in.

It's about damn time.

It's easy to be a Monday morning quarterback, but I truly think this boy has been failed by most of the adults in his life. In my opinion, this ugly episode might have been avoided had the police and/or neighbors contacted Child Services after each incident.

A few complaints from specific individuals could possibly be considered to be discrimination (God knows that there is still plenty of prejudice against those with disabilities---even in blogland---where the ignorant pepper their posts with "retard" and worse yet "f*cktard" in attempts to be clever).

But multiple complaints from a whole neighborhood? From two neighborhoods?

I think Ms. Heaton is in deep denial. Or maybe she's simply overwhelmed. Either way, her son is not living in a safe environment. She needs supports to help with him, and maybe this incident will force her to accept them.

I hope she sees this as a wake-up call.

At least for her son's sake, if for nothing else.

Parents Behaving Badly

For the life of me, I couldn't decide whether this incident should be filed under Asshat of the Week, or Parents Behaving Badly. The menfolk in my home took a vote.

Asshat got the boot.

On June 30, a Missouri Highway Patrol trooper brought 22-month-old Calob White home.

His parents weren't even aware their baby was missing.

WTF?

How do you NOT know where your baby is at 10:00 in the morning?

Witnesses called the police when they saw a man driving a motorcycle with a baby seat strapped to a tote on a trailer hitched to the back. He was apprehended 4-8 blocks away.

Are you with me now? WTF?

Daniel White, the baby's great-uncle, was arrested and charged with first-degree child endangerment, possession of marijuana and possession of drug paraphernalia.

Apparently he decided to take the baby to visit his brother, but forgot to inform the parents or use legal safety precautions.

The car seat was strapped to the trailer with a single nylon rope.

"He didn't see the reason for it not to be OK," said Sedalia Patrolwoman Victoria Kottman. "He indicated he had done this with his own son."

"They (the parents) were extremely shocked and upset that their uncle had made such a bad choice," she said.

"We thought he said he was leaving to find some Cherry Garcia!" they exclaimed in horror.

Ok, I made that last part up.

Parents Behaving Badly #3

So many dingleberries, so little blogspace.

This past weekend, Genevieve Rachel Nielsen of Arizona was told by authorities that her entire life was based on a lie.

Her father picked her up for an overnight visit in Michigan in 1976, when she was 21 months old and absconded with her, raising her to believe that her mother had died in a car accident.

Oakland County never closed the case of the missing girl. Earlier this year, they teamed up with the U.S. Marshall's office and followed a tip that the kidnapping father was serving time in prison under an assumed name.

Nielsen and her mother, Laura Gooder have received each other's contact information, but as yet there are no reports on a reunion.

As a parent, I just can't imagine the level of spite that goes into crimes like these.

Obviously, there have been incidences where one parent snatches the kid because there are legitimate abuse concerns that have been mired down in red-tape and there are safety issues. I'm certainly not condoning it, and it doesn't seem to be the case in this instance.

I've been divorced, and I've been mighty pissed-off at my ex as well. There were times when I sort of wished that he would just disappear from the face of the planet (no painful tortuous demise, mind you--just a poof! and he's gone), because I was just tired of dealing with all of his crap.

But as Judge Judy is so fond of saying, "You picked him."

Why yes. Yes I did.

So even if I wanted to be spiteful and ignore the fact that he has rights, if I want to be a good mom I have to remember that our sons have rights too.

They have the right to have their dad be a part of their lives. And as adults, it's up to us to make it work. Not steal away their heritage and rob them of relationships with people who love them.

As a reunited adoptee, I've lived with "not knowing" for many years. Some adoptees don't care to know about that part of their lives. Some do.

But at least my adoptive parents never lied to me. They gave me all the information they had received upon my adoption, and it was never a secret.

There is an entire subset of adoptees who are called Late Discovery Adoptees (LDAs). These are people who were never told that they were adopted, and many found out after a parent's funeral. BB Church is one of those adoptees and writes about the damage these types of lies can cause in his blog.

I just don't understand how any person can lay claim to being a good parent when the entire foundation of their relationship with their child is based on a lie.

Whatever their intentions, in my opinion, it's just a bad, bad thing to do. No excuse is good enough.

Parents Behaving Badly #2

...And in yet another example of parental stupidity, a Maine mom was arrested for helping her daughter and two classmates bake a batch of laxative-laced cookies as an anonymous "gift" for their teacher.

The girls left the plate on the teachers desk with a note that read "We made these cookies just for you, hope you enjoy them."

Julie Hunt showed the girls how to crush up an entire box of Ex-Lax, a chocolate-flavored laxative, to mix in the cookie batter and was charged with misdemeanor assault.

Four students were taken ill after eating the cookies.

The girls weren't charged, but have been suspended from school.

That's just Bullshit. With a capital B.

Call me Cruella de Mom, but I think those girls got off way too easily.

At the very minimum, they should have had to perform some kind of community service. If they've got the time to fart around and plan "pranks" like these, then they've got time to contribute something worthwhile to the world they live in.

Instead they get a vacation from school.

What if one of the "victims" had a medical condition like Crohn's Disease? Or Ulcerative Colitis? Instead of a case of the raging squirts, they could have landed up in the hospital with a serious and excruciatingly painful attack.

No offense to the intended victim, but what in the hell was that teacher thinking? Somebody leaves anonymous cookies on your desk, and you hand them out?

You should have put them in a drawer "for later" and pitched them at the first possible opportunity.

Which brings us back to Mom of The Year. WTF is wrong with you?

At any time did a voice inside your noggin say "This is a bad bad idea?"

Sometimes, there are just no words, but this isn't one of them.

Julie Hunt, you are either an evil person, or you're like school in the summertime.

No class. No class at all.

Parents Behaving Badly

Sometimes the more I read the news, the more I become swayed towards the idea of parental licensing.

I know it's un-American.

But I'm allowed to fantasize a bit, aren't I?

Mary E. Cozad went to her son's school to discuss his one-day suspension for fighting on the bus with the Assistant Principal. After the office door was closed, she took a gun and holster out of her purse and placed it on a nearby shelf.

No shots were fired, and she left the school after the meeting without incident (taking her gun with her).

Yesterday she was sentenced to 2 years probation and ordered to pay a $200.00 fine for unlawfully carrying a weapon.

For the very life of me, I just can't imagine what passes for logic on her planet.

Did she eat a great big steaming bowl of stupid for breakfast?

Cozad claimed she "forgot" she had the gun and didn't want to leave it in the open in her car. So why didn't she lock it in her trunk or glove compartment?

Or just leave it in her purse?

Why take it out and "display" it?

Did she think it would make the Principal change her mind?

"Oops! We made a mistake! We actually want to give your son the Student of the Month award for good conduct!"

Tragically for the kid, Mom's bad choices have additional consequences for him. She's been banned from all Keller School District campuses.

So she'll never get to witness or participate in any of the good things her son might be involved in--conferences, school plays, awards ceremonies, sporting events or recitals.

It just boggles the mind, doesn't it?

Parents On The Verge....

Our youngest, who I first wrote about in My Husband The Hemorrhoid, isn't a big TV watcher. He has a few inexplicable favorites, like Charmed and The Golden Girls which he prefers to watch on DVD over and over again, but he has always found commercials and infomercials (current favorite is the Magic Bullet) more interesting.

He's also big on "following the rules". Whenever he's in a new situation--a new class, a new game, a new activity, he's uncomfortable until the rules are spelled out in black and white--to help him understand what is expected of him.

So when the "nanny shows"---Super Nanny and Nanny 911---came out, he was in hog heaven. Shows where nannies set codes of conduct and restore order in chaotic homes. Nannies make angels out of bad boys and girls. Oh Bliss!

Hubby and I aren't fond of reality shows. Watching people in real life humiliating themselves and/or the people they love isn't entertainment for us. It's torture.

But since little guy found a couple of shows that he wants us to watch together as family, we've decided to grin and bear it.

I just gotta say it...

Holy shit!

Where do they find these people?

Last night on Nanny 911, Nanny Stella was treated to a family of 5, with a 6-year-old who bit her, pinched her and spat in her face (and tells his bus driver to "eff-off").

Meanwhile, slovenly Mommy--who has her ample spandexed ass permanently welded to the couch while she shovels pizza into her maw and ignores her kids--tells the camera how much she resents Nanny coming in and critiquing her parenting skills.

What parenting skills? And how much is the show paying you to display what a grotesque pig of a person you are to a national audience? While you're at it, take a shower for Chrissakes!

On one hand it's easy to feel superior when watching these shows.

On the other, it's appalling to witness some of the parenting faux-pas I have made over the years being re-enacted on the screen. I find myself sneaking looks at my family wondering if they too have recognized some of my early blunders.

Looks like I'm going to have to be on my toes from now on!