Tuesday, December 01, 2009

Day 39

gah! I guess I really gave a wrong impression about Kitty with my bout of annoyance with her. My apologies.

As a mom, I struggle with this relationship. But my son is 22 years old, and it's not my decision to make. If I want to keep a close relationship with him, I have to support some of his choices, and be there for him if it doesn't work out. When they started dating, I wrote about her here, if anyone wants a little background.

She never wanted Big Kid's friend to stay at her house. I don't blame her a bit. She works two jobs, and wants some peace and quiet when she gets home. Big Kid talked her into it, because he's fearful and lonely when she isn't around and he doesn't drive. The "friend" had been kicked out of his own home and had been living off the kindness of friends for awhile. He knew a good thing when he saw it.

He ate all their food, didn't clean up after himself, and contributed nothing to the household. He even brought a freaking dog there, because he "always wanted a dog, and his mom wouldn't let him have one". He helped himself to Kitty's things, and started expecting her to haul his happy butt around in her car. She refused, and then there would be these two-against-one episodes. Not a good situation.

About 2 weeks into Big Kid's illness, when it became clear that it could be weeks or months before he could come back, Kitty told the "friend" it was time to move on. He wasn't her child, her sibling, or her significant other, and it wasn't her lot in life to support him. She didn't realize when he cleared out that he took some of Big Kid's stuff with him.

I'm not mad at Kitty because Big Kid's stuff was stolen. Those are only things and things can be replaced. I was just really annoyed at her timing, knowing that a large part of Big Kid's successful recovery will depend on his state of mind. He's my baby, and it's my job to be concerned about these things.

Big Kid doesn't want to go to the rehabilitation center, so the plan is that he's going to come home to our house for awhile. Our family doctor is going to take over his treatment, and his office is now an hour in the opposite direction. I can't and won't drive 6 hours in a day to pick Big Kid up from Kitty's house and get him back to see the doctor, especially if we have to do this a couple of times a week.

Plus, Kitty still has to work two jobs, and it wouldn't be a good idea to leave the kid alone for extended periods. At our house, he'll have somebody available around the clock, plus he'll be getting home health care and in-home therapy (and someone to help make sure he follows through with it). Kitty's more than welcome to come and stay over if she wants.

Yesterday they took out the pic line and removed the bandages from the Kid's throat. Early this morning, they're going to take out the stomach tube. Thank heavens. They had it capped off and just hanging for a few days, and it was causing him pain. I finally asked them to tape it to his body so it wouldn't move around.

He's been working with ankle weights and was able to walk to the therapy room (about 4 doors down) by himself. His legs are gaining strength, but his balance is off. They've been trying to wean him off the oxygen, but he only lasts an hour or so before his saturation level goes under 80. He still can't write. His hands are shaking all of the time.

But all in all, progress!

Thanks so much for your continued kind wishes and support.



Jeanie said...

Not to sound overly dramatic, but your are a saint! You have done so much and put up with even more to get BK where he is now. Your reward will be having him well back to good health again. BTW, I'm beginning to think that we both get up way too early in the morning.

Valerie Marie said...

Progress is the most important!

Best wishes from the bottom of my heart! ((hugs&kisses))

Beth said...

You're talking about Big Kid going home! Do you know how wonderful that sounds? I guess you do. ;)

St Jude said...

I agree with Beth, thoughts of big kid heading home is wonderful to hear.

Joanna Jenkins said...

Making plans for Big Kid to go home-- WOW! That is really something after everything you've been through.

You are doing a good job juggling life-- yours, Big Kid's and Kitty's. Hang in there Attila.


Mrs. Hall said...

Your son, with his diagnoses, is very vunerable to mooches and people with malintent.

Glad so see Kitty did some kicking to the curb. I read the backstory too. She sounds like a good person ;) Awesome :)

Good vibes to all of you! ;)

Anonymous said...

You are so accommodating. And wise in this decision!

AmyMcD said...

It seems now your taking multiple steps forward and very few-if none- backwards!! It's great to hear!! I am very happy and excited for you guys and am sure everything will come at its own pace, once the mind starts exercising the improvements will speed up!!

gayle said...

Glad to hear things are looking up!

yorksnbeans said...

I know you are so glad to have him coming home. With all the love and care he'll be receiving, hopefully he'll be at 100% by Christmas!

Rootietoot said...

I'm so happy with how well he's doing! I totally understand the need to have him at home. I'd do the same thing in your situation. I'm sure Kitty understands as well. She'd better, anyway.

Here's to all steps forward!

Chicago Mom said...

It must be hard to accept the situation with your son and Kitty, but it sounds like you handle it remarkably well!
I am sure it will be wonderful to have him home for part of his recuperation. Our kids will always be our babies, no matter how big they get!
Prayers for continued progress!

longtimelistner_firsttimecaller said...

is there something else wrong with bigkid?? my sister is bipolar and dosent have any of the social issues your son seems to. I don't mean to be rude I just want to understand

stinkypaw said...

Great news; BK is on his way home, shortly, yay! THat's wonderful news!

CiCi said...

This is such good news to hear how well your son is doing. It is clear in your writing that the horrible ache and pressure is gone from your home now. Wonderful for all of you.

Anonymous said...

Talking about Big Kid coming home and all the progress that he has made, since this all started is truly a miracle. Which makes sense because you have to be a saint to be able to realize that to have a relationship with your son, you need to accept the choices in his life, like Kitty. That is not an easy thing to do, but you always see the bigger picture, always have. That's what makes you such a great mom.
I still think you keeping your cool about the timing of her telling him, deserves a major future spa treatment. Actually, everything you have been through emotionally, deserves a major Spa Treatment or something relaxing.

I hope it goes smoothly, the transition back home. Glad you'll have the support of the home health care and hopefully some other family supports in place.

Wishing you and Big Kid the BEST and I hope you you can leave the hospital soon.

Still keeping you in my prayers.



Chris H said...

It will be good for him to be at home with you.
My blog is going private soon.. if you want to read it... send me an email address.