Ever hear the term "Coyote Ugly"? Not the forgettable movie, but the term. It comes from the idea that a coyote stuck in a trap will chew it's own paw off to escape. In the same vein, it's a description of the "morning after" when you wake up next to the [koff] babe you picked up at the bar the night before.
You're so horrified that you'd rather chew your own arm off to get away than wake him/her up.
Bad, bad eggnog!
So this guy (who wasn't named in the article) in Winnepeg was so drunk that he broke into a couple of garages and rooted through some stuff. A concerned homeowner called the police, who eventually found the guy passed out in somebody's boat, with his Coyote Ugly by his side.
Except that his date wasn't alive.
It wasn't even human.
It was a stuffed dog.
"He was lying there with his genitalia exposed next to the stuffed dog," said Crown attorney John Peden. "While the police report doesn't describe it this way, the dog might be appropriately characterized as now being anatomically correct, as opposed to its condition before he removed it."
Ok, I have to admit, I laughed hysterically when I read that.
The guy's defense attorney explained:
"All (his offences) involve being drunk, usually drunk as a skunk."
The authorities actually had to take a DNA sample in their investigation of the plush po-po perp.
Yes, I can't help myself. I'm still laughing hysterically.Of course the article quoted a psychologist who talked about stuffed animal fetishes, which made this seem ever so creepy. I found it when I was looking for a picture of a stuffed dog.
So let that be a lesson to you!
If the Elmo you bought your kid for Christmas starts looking like a Tickle Me George Clooney...
Put the eggnog down!
Here's my latest on Disaboom, if you feel like dropping by!