Wednesday, February 28, 2007

Bad Bad Hostess

I wanted to apologize for disappearing for a couple of days, but I had to go on my scheduled "ride-along" with law enforcement for my Criminal Justice Class.

Let's just say I rode over 200 miles of mountain dirt roads on a daily patrol---most of which were far more pitted and rutted than the ones I was bitching about in our development. My teeth were shaking in my head, and at one point, the road was so bumpy that the radar apparatus flew off the dashboard and landed in my lap.

I spent half the time squinching up my butt cheeks for fear of a fart shaking loose, and the other half grasping the handle on the right side of the door with one hand and accidently grasping the handle of the M-16 strapped in on my left when we climbed the steep mountain curves. Oy!

The highlight was driving along a winding mountain highway and seeing a huge fall of dirt and rocks come down right in front of us.

The deputy said, "Oh, it's that time of year again," as she nonchalantly drove around the mess and called it in for road works.

I'm thinking---"uh yeah, but it's on MY side of the car that all this shit is falling!"

I didn't get a chance all day to blog and remind everyone that new entries for the American Midol Really Bad Poetry Contest were due tonight, so I'm extending it one more day.

I know you're all scared! But jeez, if you lose, it means your poetry was too good to be bad!!

17 comments:

100 Words said...

Didya get to put a cap in any criminal ass? Didya? Didya?

Kim Ayres said...

Did you get to shout "Up against the car, now, and spread 'em"?

Hmmmmmmmmm

sorry, where was I?

Attila The Mom said...

Naw, but I got to see some lady have a temper tantrum.

"I was only going 10 miles over the speed limit!!!"

Beth said...

That was some ride-along - risking your life for a class credit.
The course sounds like great fodder for blog material (if you live through it.)

Trish said...

I've got to get out more...

But yeah...a fart shaking loose is pretty scary too LOL

Brenda said...

I'm thinking---"uh yeah, but it's on MY side of the car that all this shit is falling!"
You mean you didn't say it out loud? I'd have been shrieking it at the top of my lungs and dotted it with all the curse words I know!
Ask hubby.

Anonymous said...

My husband is a cop and I love riding along with him. But he is a city cop, so it's probably a much smoother ride. And, he has the cutest butt!

Ramblin Rose said...

I would have thought a fart shaking loose would have been classified as a dangerous weapon....

Stinkypaw said...

That deputy wouldn't have known what hit her if one fart got loose!

Ride along can be fun!

quinn said...

hahaha I agree with stinkypaw..I kinda got side tracked once the mention of a fart sneaking out came into the story.

Miss Litzi said...

Hi Attila,
WOW, riding around in a patrol car sounds exciting. Are congratulations in order for making it 200 miles, scared shitless, without farting? Do the deputies cruise around looking for stray felons or are they mostly concerned about road safety? Was this your one and only “ride-along”? Just consider how action packed it could have been if you’d been in a large city…

Terri said...

They don't allow ride alongs here in LV anymore...
I guess something happened...
so...
over... done... no more ride alongs...


I cracked up at the fart shaking out... you're so funny!
That's always a fear during paps.

DutchBitch said...

Sounds like you got a great work out in that patrol car in the process, squinching your butt cheeks, LOL

Boo7 said...

roflmao on the varied and plentiful fart comments....too funny!! Thanks for the laughs everyone.....:)

Sounds like a cool course Attila and congrats on the muscle control and managing to prevent any windage from shaking loose!!

fatman said...

i think that sounds like a great day! I wanna be on your course.

Krishanna said...

Hey Woman- Tried to find an e-mail addy for you but couldn't. Was called to CA unexpectedly to my sister with some health issues regarding my mother last week. Got home late Thursday eve. Tired. Would you e-mail me please re: GasBags? Thanks.

carmachu said...

You on a ride along is a scary thing....