Extreme Makeover, Attila's XXX-Rated Edition

After 9 days I finally get to take a bath in my new tub! Woohoo!

The bathroom isn't finished yet---there's still trim, staining, and a few other things to complete, but it's functional.

Last week was a long week, especially with having to share one bathroom with 4 men. Couldn't even have a couple of hours to nap without the parade of potty-goers making their way past my bed through to the master bathroom.

Little Guy has the flu, Big Guy and I have assignments and exams due later this week (plus he continues to have exhausting emotional issues), and I haven't even had the comfort of my little oasis to take me away.

45 minutes of silence and bath salts is the psychological balm equivalent to 2 boxes of Kraft Macaroni and Cheese and a pint of Ben and Jerry's with whipped cream and cherries.

Since my lil' brother went home for the weekend, construction was halted to give the grout and stuff time to cure. I spent the time whipping up a custom shower curtain and valance.

Took me a little while to find the perfect fabric. I wanted something would tie in the dark red/orange and dark brown tile with the pastel peach floor and oak cabinets/walls. Plus I wanted to throw some green in there as an accent color. Although our little log house screams for "kitschy cabin" or "southwest styling", with all the testosterone I'm surrounded by, I'm a romantic gardener at heart and I virtually lust after florals.

I guess lust is a bad word choice in this situation.

I finally found a great pattern with all the colors I wanted, plus lots of olive foilage in varying shades. Added a little dark burnt orange diamond fabric for trim, and I was good to go!

On Saturday night, when I was pressing the seams of the panels of the almost-completed shower curtain and minding my own damn business (and drinking my second rum and coke), a thought smacked me upside the head.

"Awww, CRAP!!" I exclaimed.

What's wrong? Hubby asked from the other room.

He was watching the final season of The West Wing on DVD. Not that this factoid is significant other than to point out that there is absolutely nothing but dreck on TV on Saturday night.

"Come here and look at this!"

I pointed out the calla lilies, all in shades of dark peach to dark red.

What's wrong with that?

"Don't they look almost obscene? They're like VULVULARIC!!"

WHAT are you talking about? Is that even a real word?

"I've got little vulvas all over my shower curtain! I CANNOT believe I didn't see this when I picked it!"

Are you serious? I never would have noticed if you hadn't pointed it out!

"I should look for something else. Something southwestern, maybe."

Hubby gave me a hug. You're tired. It's a beautiful fabric. The colors are perfect.

I was close to tears (like I said, it had been a long week. Add hormonal and buzzed to the mix and you never know what is going to come flying out of my mouth).

"I just don't want our guests to sit on the can, look around, and say, Oh My God, this bathroom is teeming with TW*Ts!"

He choked.

I wish you hadn't said that. I'm never going to be able to get that image out of my brain...

On Sunday, after a good night's sleep, I was feeling a little better. Better enough to try to weedle new knobs and back plates out of the old man for the cabinets.

"Look at how much money we saved! It won't look finished with the old beat-up ones!"

He agreed. So I googled.

It's amazing how much this stuff adds up. You can look at a knob and think, "wow, 6 bucks, not too bad". Until you multiply it by 10. Ouch!

I found a back plate that I liked, and then 3 knobs with the same finish, all at a reasonably low price. The back plate has a leaf design, which I thought would go nice with the floral motif.

I asked hubby to come check out the knobs, because hey---you have to pretend they have SOME decision-making power---out of the 3 finalists.





He wasn't too jazzed with any of them. They look like they'd be hard to clean.

I snorted.

"Uh yeah---how much time have YOU spent polishing knobs?"

Forget I said that. Another poor choice of words.

At the bottom of the page was the other knobs I rejected in the "previously viewed" section.

I really like this one, he said.

"Are you nuts? It looks like a boob! It has a nipple on it!"

Mr. Smartybritches replied, But I thought it would fit in with your "motif"! Tw*ts AND T*ts, right?

Luckily for him, he's fast on his feet.

Or my bunny slipper of doom would have bounced off the back of his head on his way out the door!