Friday, March 02, 2007

Asshat of the Week

Attack of the Killer Squirrels

You take your kids to play at the park. You read the signs prohibiting food because of aggressive squirrels.

You decide the rules don't apply to you.

What could go wrong?

The Allards, Mensa members (ok, to all those REAL Mensa members who are googling this from Norway, this was sarcasm) whose 4-year-old got into a brawl with a squirrel over a couple of Sun Chips, think prohibiting food in the play area isn't practical for people with small children.

Park officials say that visitors have created the problem by feeding the squirrels. Squirrels have become so brazen that they expect humans to provide food for them and get aggresive about it when food is produced.

The Allards don't plan to come back to the park. They think the play area should be closed until all of the squirrels are trapped and removed.

“I don’t think it’s a safe place for children to be in until they solve this problem,” said Debbie Allard---obviously missing the irony of her words.

Doh! Debbie! You ARE part of the problem!

Don't let the door hit 'ya on the way out!



mist1 said...

I saw the TV special, When Squirrels Attack. It was terrifying. I can't wait until When Flying Squirrels Attack, it's going to be so cool.

carmachu said...

Dumbass award winners.....the problem HAS been solved. See the sign over there? It says DONT bring you do and get snagged.

What did you expect?

Oh, The Joys said...

Attack squirrels? What is next?

You know, I hear squirrels are some good eatin'!

Brenda said...

I'll take a few of those attack squirrels please. Teach that damned St Bernard next door a lesson, dammit.

Pete said...

you rally have to despair don't you at how stupid people are. it gets worse when their kids are involved.

Rootietoot said...

Squirrels are great eatin', especially ones fed on Sun Chips. We have aggressive squirrels in our back yard. They throw pine cones at us, chase the cat off her food, generally act like they own the place. I have pictures of one getting into the dog food bowl.

If Debbie Allard can't teach her children how to deal with a 1 pound rodent, how is she going to teach them to deal with peers in Middle School?

Anonymous said...

Another painful reminder of just how dense some people can be. You can't just legislate away squirrels in a park for heaves sake. What's next? Trap all the birds because they're pooping on my head?

HULLO! You're outside!!

Beth said...

Mensa members? Truly? Or are you being sarcastic?
If they ARE Mensa members, that makes me feel ridiculously happy.
Not sure why except that whole IQ thing makes me "squirrely."

Kim Ayres said...

Where I used to live, in a town on the South coast of England, there were signs all over the place saying not to feed the seagulls - they had become quite aggressive in grabbing food from people. All the locals knew this but the problem was the tourists who thought it was cute to feed the birds and ignore the signs.

Someone once suggested we should stop feeding the tourists too.

Myron said...

All they have to do is build a cage around the playground out of cyclone fence like the old zoo cages and put the kids inside. Then the bushy tailed tree rats can't get to the kids. There, problem solved. You're welcome.

creative-type dad said...

I wonder if the squirrels have bats and brass knuckles with those baggy pants.
That would be pretty scary.

Queen of the Mayhem said...

These people sound like a set of parents I met with last week at school...."What do you MEAN the rules apply to ME and MY child?" It never ceases to amaze me the sense of entitlement with which some people come into this world! The fact that she is so indignant about the squirrels being removed NOW (that she caused the problem) is my favorite part!

Miss Litzi said...

Hi Attila,
There’s a similar problem where I live. The dirt paths along the ocean are always crawling with squirrels running in and out of their holes and through the ice plant. There are BIG signs every few feet warning people NOT to feed the squirrels as they could be rabid. But everyday you see tourists oohing and awing over the cute little critters and giving them chips, nuts, etc. Over the years the squirrels have become exceedingly demanding and have been known to jump on people in the hopes of getting something to eat. It’s Asshats like the Allards who’ve created these situations but are never willing to take any responsibility for them.

Lake Tahoe, California, has had similar problems with bears; people insist on feeding them and then wondering why they’re lumbering into their homes in search of food; duh!!

Dorky Dad said...

Honestly, some people are just stupid.

Ma Titwonky said...

These comments are almost as good as the entry itself! I cast my vote with Dorky Dad just because I love his name and photo.