Titillating News

More girl talk here. People of the manly persuasion enter at your own risk---hahaha.

A couple of months ago, I posted about Russian scientists who grew a penis on some guy's arm and made some speculations about it. They were correcting a birth defect with technology, and I thought it was amazing! And yes, funny too.

This isn't about human technology, but human biology. And as usual, inquiring minds and all...

A 22-year-old woman went to see the doctor because she had an unusual growth on the bottom of her foot---close to the arch. She thought it was some kind of lesion.

First of all, before we get started, I have to comment here.

My idea of a lesion is a small sore or irritated spot that won't heal right away. After a week or two of "unusual growth" I'd get it checked out.

When she finally went to the doctors, they found a fully-formed nipple on the bottom of her foot. Complete with areola, glands and hair.

Anybody want to join me? EWWWWWWWWWWWWW!

And secondarily, WTF?????

The doctors noted that there were fat deposits growing around the areola, so basically, her foot was going through puberty and growing a boob. There's pictures on that there link!

Apparently, supernumerary breasts aren't incredibly uncommon, although this is the first one doctors have seen on a foot. Usually they pop up on thighs, backs and faces. And uh---it's not unusual for those supernumerary breasts to produce milk.

Chandler Bing jokes aside (TV show Friends character who had a third nipple), this just scares the crap out of me.

An extra nipple on my face? That might be able to produce milk?

Aiiighhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!

The thought of extra body things growing arbitrarily has disturbed me for decades.

Anybody see that re-run of the Dick Van Dyke Show where (I think) Rob Petrie has a bad dream that his wife Laura had eyeballs on the back of her head (and parted her hair to show him)? That gave me nightmares for years when I was a kid.

Of course, Stephen King had to go and write The Dark Half....about twins in utero. Originally they're two, and one dies, and one fetus absorbs the other. Then when the surviving twin reaches middle-age, he feels a lump on the back of his head, and there's fully-formed teeth left over from that old-absorbed-twin-fetus tissue that decided to grow somewhere.

I actually personally know a guy---a husband and father of 4 daughters--- who served in the military (you'd think they'd do a lot of physical tests but they never caught it), and when in his forties, started having severe emotional issues about once a month or so. He'd get anxious. He'd fall apart and cry out of the blue. He had a complete physical and they found a couple of masses in his abdomen. Everyone was afraid it was cancer.

They were ovaries. They weren't connected to anything, but he was born with them and they were producing hormones. So suddenly he was having "PMS" every month.

If I had a boob on my face, would I be breaking obscenity laws if I didn't wear a face bra in public?

What would happen if it was cold outside? Would it get all puckery and pointy?

If somebody smacked me in the face would that be considered sexual assault or regular assault?

Could I nurse a baby from the bottom of my foot? I guess it would be handy if I had triplets. Would I have to get special nursing shoes with little pads in them?

And if I had one on the bottom of my foot and it got cancer, could you still call it breast cancer?

Anybody know?