Wednesday, July 12, 2006
From the "That Takes Some Stones" File
From time to time over the years, when the kids were playing grab-ass in the other room (usually while I was in the bathtub, up to my elbows in flour, or otherwise not immediately accessible) and I heard things (furniture, toys, books, bodies) being tossed about, I've been known to holler:
"Don't make me break my foot off in your butt!"
"Don't make me rip your arm off and beat you over the head with it!"
I admit it.
As a mom, I'm a cross between Roseanne and Lois from Malcolm in the Middle.
I'm not proud of it, especially because both boys take everything almost literally.
But at least they'd stop whatever they were doing and pause to wonder how I'd live my life without my foot.
Would I need a cane? Would I get a peg leg? Would I be a Superhero like the Bionic Woman?
I'm no hero.
So when a guy actually tears his wife's arm off in real life, I find myself stunned as a mullet.
Especially when his attorney stands in front of a judge and claims his client is "a hero"!
I'm serious! It really happened!
Stephen Humphrey and his wife Brenda were arguing in their truck after a night of drinking (nothing good can ever come from that).
Humphrey pulled over and ordered his wife to get out of the vehicle. She reached back in to get her cellphone, and he took off.
Brenda's arm got tangled in the seatbelt, and she was dragged a ways before her feet got caught under the rear tires.
Her arm was ripped right off.
Stephen Humphrey was charged with third-offense drunken driving causing serious injury and operating a vehicle with a suspended license, also causing serious injury.
His attorney insists that his client isn't a criminal. He's a hero! He stopped and took his wife to a hospital before she bled to death!
Boy, does that take some stones.
On an odd note, police weren't able to recover her arm.
Neither one remembers what road they were on, and nobody has stepped forward with the missing limb.
Also missing are her flip-flops and a Styrofoam cooler.
Makes you wonder, doesn't it?
Hungry dogs/coyotes/wolves in an urban area?
Some wino who happened by and said, "Hey! Free arm!?"
A kid who thought it was cool and stashed it in his room until his mother investigates because it smells worse than usual?
Eek. The possibilities are endless.
And more than slightly revolting.