Saturday, July 15, 2006

Asinine Ads

I don't know about you, but sometimes I'm absolutely baffled by various commercials on TV. Perhaps I'm just not "edgy" enough to appreciate them.

I prefer to think that those commercials are just downright stupid.

Makes me feel better about myself.

Ok, I must confess up front that there was one I was a complete dork about.
It was the All State Insurance Commercial.

Their spokesman is the authoritative guy who played President Palmer in 24, and is now one of the stars of The Unit.

For months, I watched various All State ads, and the spokesguy would say at the end, "That's All State, Stan."

Finally I said to Hubby, "I just don't get it. Who the hell is 'Stan'? Is it some kind of inside joke I'm missing?"

He laughed his heinie off.

Doh. It's "That's All State's STAND".

Aren't I a weenie!

That pest-control commercial where a face comes out of the wall and talks to the homeowner about termites drives me nuts.

If it happened to me, I certainly wouldn't sit there and have a civil conversation with said face.

I'd run out of the house screaming my damn fool head off.

If I was sound asleep in bed and woke up next to some big-headed plastic-faced guy in a Burger King's costume, I'd probably do the same thing.

I sure as hell wouldn't accept a breakfast sandwich from him!

And what about Quizno's? Forget about the creepy talking baby named Bob, or the Spongemonkeys.

Before that there was the ad where one guy was eating a faux--koff--koff---Subway sandwich and his friend (they were talking about toasted bread) said, "Were you raised by wolves?"

There were two versions of this commercial. Cut away to Number One---the first guy was running around howling with a pack of wolves.

Cut away to Number Two---he was laying on the ground with his mouth on a wolf's tit making sucking noises with the other wolf puppies.

That's supposed to make me want to buy a sandwich?

You have GOT to be freaking kidding me!

And speaking of Subway...they continue to employ the overwhelmingly untalented and monotone Jerod (who lost a buttload of weight a few years ago eating Subway sandwiches) to flog the low-fat subs.

His inspiring novelty value wore off a long time ago, at least for me. He makes me want to run into the nearest Subway and order the triple-club with extra cheese and mayo while shouting, "Take this you boring f*ck!"

Well, not really. But...

Now they have Jon Lovitz hawking the high-fat subs. Jerod on one hand, Jon Lovitz on the other.

What to do? What to do?

I feel like going over to Quizno's and asking for a Philly Cheese Steak with a side helping of wolf tit.

Just on principal.

Any commercials that make you scratch your head?


Kate said...

I don't like the Honda one we have over here at the moment. It features all these people making 'car' noises, and it is completely and utterly boring.

Ads that baffle me? Most of the ones for expensive perfume. They always show these nitwits behaving really oddly while looking moodily at the camera. What are they trying to say? That if you spend £70 on a bottle of scent you will turn into a pretentious prat?

Pendullum said...

I cannot even think of a commercial after reading that blog...
I do not watch TV as most of the stuff I see I rent...
And now, I see/hear what I've been missing...

Mia said...

Jarred can bite me. The only thing that would make those commercials worse is if he was singing the praises of Subway with Barney the Dinosaur. I shutter at the thought.

hmmmmmmmm so many commercials so little time! I will have to give this serious consideration and get back to you.

During this intermission I leave you with a freakishly disturbing ad by Sony for you to chew on which I read about on Sume's blog;

Me said...

Ads that baffle me? Can't think of any right now.
Oh yeah. Can so think of it. What about the Seven Up or is it Sprite Ad with the guy wrapped in cellophane and a lemon on one eye and a lime on the other.
It drives me nuts.
I love the "Hello Moto" ad though, the one where SheGod loses her cell phone.
But snort."That's all STATE, stan"
I have done that

Tammy said...

I just came over from Brenda's...I'm right with you on the!!!Cutest one I've seen lately is the Dawn dishwashing foam...the annimated goldfish in the bowl that says "Do I look fat in this?"...I don't know why I thought it was cute...even went out and bought some goldfish at Walmart...they died the next day :-(
Do you ever wonder if we are all going to turn into annimation someday??

Brenda said...

He doesn't make me itch but I kinda like the geico lizard ones. That British cockney accent gives me shivers. heheheheheheh. I don't pay much attention to the others, short attention span I reckon.

Brenda said...

HaHa! I just went over to read about the tumor/pimple and wanted to assure you that you ARE NOT ALONE. I've had to use my nursing, nursemaid, Dr. Mom skills in much the same way with the spouse. His was a tumor, caused by sitting on his ass riding around the farm in his truck. Truly, there are some things we should not have to do for love.

carmachu said...

I'm passsing this on from a friend, a female friend,who's opinion I agree with.

It has to do with sanitary pads, so from her:

So I'm doing what every woman in the universe has to do at least once a month and I notice the products I use have a new look. Oh how pretty. Now instead of a soft green its a green with pink script.

And what does this all important script SAY? What is so very vital that it must be printed repeatedly on something you will see only in the most private moments?

Have a Happy Period.


Excuse me?! Who EXACTLY thought THIS brainchild up and how in the name of all that is did it get APPROVED? There wasn't a single chick in the whole place that rolled her eyes and said "Uh, no way is THAT gonna fly. Give us a BREAK!" ???

I'm cramping. Right now.

Does that sound friggin HAPPY to you???
Huh?! Does it? Punk?

Mel said...

Too many to name, honestly. But that Burger King ad campaign just freaks me out. Dude, they ought to make one where a terrified homeowner blows the King away with a shotgun after finding him peeping in the bedroom window.
Ugly plastic freak. I haven't eaten at Burger King since the first one came out. On principle.

St Jude said...

Carmachu, you have my sympathy. I hate those ads they have on TV that show a woman skipping around in some ecstatic life, with her man, when it's that time of the month. Well her tampons must be laced with Prozac. I just want to murder his Lordship, because he's a man and he doesn't have a clue, and I certainly don't glide through the day, I stumble, fumble and mumble like some kind of zombie hunchback with the cramps.

carmachu said...

St Jude:

I assume ALL women do. The mrs many times has to take 800mg of some meds her doc prescribes to alievate cramps and such at times....

The idiots who though "have a happy period" are either men, or have gone thru menopause already.

lildb said...

gah. I ff thru the bastards, thanks to tivo, but I still can't get past the effing thirty seconds of sheer, banal evil that is the Quiznos ad featuring that horrid, talking baby fast enough.


Kevin Charnas said...

We actually love the Quizno's commercial because it's so random and messed up and bizarre.

The commercial with the fungus that grows under toenails talking to me INFURIATES me. I would like to meet the creators of that crap and beat them senseless...or more senseless.

Annie Drogynous said...

Thankfully, I don't watch a lot of TV so I don't know much about the commercials shown today. I actually prefer the ones where the actors do voice-overs and I try to guess who they are, lol.

As for Jon Lovitz, I have seen that commercial because everytime it comes on during one of my kids' TV shows they both scream "That's the guy from the movie Mom and Dad Save the World!". Thankfully, I don't know that movie.

karaoke queen said...

If you want to see commercials that you don't understand at all, just watch Japanese ones. And I don't mean because of the language barrier! For example - head to google video and search for choco party

kim said...

Im one of those retired advertising people (newspaper, thank you) that loves a good ad the bad ones really do me in.
The ones we enjoy tearing apart are the drug ones where the side effects are likely to kill you before you get rid of the rash you were taking the crap for!! ......may cause bleeding from the eyes and its possible you will grow an extra limb ...but heyyyy that rash is GONE!!
The one I love right now is the two guys in the locker room and one has a new cell phone and tells the other it has a new safety feature, just try and steal it he says... when the other guy approaches him he hits him in the head with the cell phone and knocks him cold. I have noooo idea why that makes us laugh so hard here at my house ... but it works!!

Big Pissy said...

Hate hate hate the Hardee's commercials!!!

I was a big fan of the Spongemonkeys~knew all the words to the song they sang and did their voice and everything!

yes. I am a geek!

question girl said...

i have to say, now that i have a DVR, i just skip thru the ads - it has made life much simpler - and shortend TV time tremendously (i LOVE how HBO 30 minutes shows become 23)

at the same time, i am SO WITH MEL - the Burger King "king" FREAKS ME OUT

parnellpr said...

Totally with Kate about the Honda one. Absolutely sets my teeth on edge. Top hated ad though, any of the l'oreal ones. My respect for all the people involved drops several notches whenever i see them. The worst bit has to be when they say "because we're worth it". That just makes me want to scream, and if i ever meant any of them i would be highly tempted to give them a good shake. It was fun in the beginning but now years later, a powerhouse brand such as they are ought to have CHANGED THEIR STYLE. Pippa

Nightmare said...

I THOUGHT THE SAME THING!!! Bouby laughed at me too. He needs to enunciate better!

Nikki said...

I hate that commercial for Mucinex (sp).

There's just something about a big piece of slimy green phlem talking to me that grosses me out.

Thanks for that visual you marketing freaks!

Now everytime I cough, I feel like I'm evicting his kids. I'm not feelin' bad about it though.

(clears throat)

question girl said...

ok, so i just watched an ad - what the fuck is going on w/ MnM?

seriously, aincent slave boat rowers singing???

spare me

KL said...

OK...the one commercial of all time that really got my panties in a twist:

The douche ones...where two women are having tea and the one pulls out the Massengil from under the table/tea cart.....I mean COME that REALLY where you keep your douches????? Talk about needing some SERIOUS help!!!

Samantha said...

I agree with Kate, the Honda advert drives me nuts. I just wanna pull my teeth out just to have something to do! I can't believe the price of some adverts though, it's ridiculous.

Miss Keeks said...

Ha! These conversations are cracking me up. My all time fave commercial was the cat herding commercial. As if.

Carmachu is cramping. Not sure why I find that funny. And KL--"sometimes I have a not so fresh feeling"--the vagina is a self-cleaning oven!

Apricoco said...

Hello... De lurking on this post to comment about stupid ads...

I don't know if this ad ran anywhere other than the Miami-metro area, but there is this Ford commercial that has a jingle "ride it like a ford" it is easily the most machismo ad I have ever seen. They show some skanky guy singing the jingle and grabbing his crotch, and then cut to scantily clad women driving the Ford, then show the gear shift, then the girl's boobs, back to the gear shift... catch my drift? All the while the song is going you gotta ride it ride it! I will never ever buy a Ford because of this ad..

factor 10 said...

Okay, the spongemankeys were funny b/c they were so very disturbing. But the Ford commercial about Be Bold, where Her ex-boyfriend moves the tree? Thank You, Manuel. Who was bold there? What?

Doug said...

I am an ad guy in New York and I found your blog because I wanted to find out what the hell they were saying in those Allstate commercials. So I Googled 'That's Allstate, Stan'. I thought the same thing. Who the hell is Stan? I'm glad your husband knew what they were saying. now, I know too.

Anonymous said...

That Allstate commercial contains the dumbest slogan in any ad campaign Ive ever heard, seen, or worked on as a photographer.
They did that on purpose so people would bother to ask. Ive been with Allstate for 18 years...Im ready to drop them now. THATS MY STAND.