Friday, July 07, 2006

Don't Try This at Home



What IS it with guys and things that go boom?

Is it in the chromosomes? Hormones? Something in the water?

When my older brother was a kid, he and his friends used to mix up the most gawd-awful concoctions with their chemistry sets (which usually included vinegar and baking soda). They'd seal them in different containers to see if they'd explode.


Once in awhile, after baking in the sun, they did. Kaboom!

Then the guys graduated to lighting each other's farts. That endeavor ended abruptly one day when one of my brother's compadres didn't squinch up his butt cheeks fast enough to cut off the gas flow after ignition.

Backdraft!

Nothing like singed butt hair and a blistered ass-crack to take the joy out of life.

A Westmoreland, Pennsylvania man was admitted to the hospital earlier this week after attempting to make fireworks in his basement. A carbon dioxide cartridge exploded while he was trying to drill a hole in it, blowing shrapnel into his stomach. He was treated for a collapsed lung and internal bleeding.

A large percent of Hempstead Texas' police force (of 13 officers) was suspended and indicted on felonies stemming from a stupid-ass "prank".

One swat-team grenade was set off under a police car at a truck stop, by an idiot on the force.


The Police Chief promised an investigation.

Then the same idiot set off a second grenade at a backyard party.

A party-guest lost a foot.

Two full-time officers and five reserve officers are accused of tampering with evidence and concealing a potential crime by cleaning up the scene.

And last but not least, a Magnolia, Delaware man decided that Kingsford Charcoal Lighter Fluid just didn't have the kick needed to jump start his barbeque grill. So he poured gunpowder in it.


The explosion resulted in burns to his hands and face.

The police say that alcohol was definitely involved.

Let's just hope it was the booze that led to all of these other incredibly asinine acts.


At least for us women. Who'd want to admit to be married to such stupid dumbasses?


13 comments:

Gentleman-hobbs said...

You clearly have a gift, will read you again

carmachu said...

Whos the bigger dumbass? The idiot guy, or the woman that marries him and passes on his genetic heritage?

Nightmare said...

Wow Darwinism at it's finest! I like seeing these people do this type of stupid activity! This way it might end up cleaning out the gene pool a bit!

Samantha said...

He blew off a guest's foot? What are these moron's thinking?! Am loving carmachu's comment! LMAO!

Miss Keeks said...

I'm with Nightmare--it's just adding chlorine to the gene pool. Of course, it's still damaging innocent party goers as well.

Rhonda said...

Backdraft!

LOL!

Oh god, the stories I could tell here about my ex are simply endless, although no one ever lost a limb. It's simply too embarassing to admit I breeded with someone who could have ended up quoted in this post.

Kevin Charnas said...

My dumbass cousin Pete almost blew us up EVERY 4th of July...it kind of became a tradition. "Well, let us go see who loses a limb to Peter THIS year, shall we?"

Pendullum said...

I married someone that still loves to blow up everything...
he used to use the gun powder trail like in the Loony Tunes...
I just look at him and am utterly amazed that he STILL has eye brows whenever there are fireworks at the cottage!!!

Stella said...

OMG!!! Attila where do you find these stories!

Brenda said...

I hope those guys listened to the Fireman speeches about the Stop, Drop, and Roll technique.

Mr. Fabulous said...

Hmm...I've been thinking my butt hair has been getting a little long. Maybe I will burn it off...

Jason said...

Boys and their toys. It's something in that Y chromosome that does it.

Rainman said...

Just a few days ago on the 4th I thought I was witnessing a true Darwinism in the making. The "Adult Boys" were lighting the normal amount of illegal fireworks off at about 10 pm. The show went for about 20 minutes. All the party guests were watching from a SAFE distance. Well the end of the show comes and all the sudden a HUGE BANG AND FIREBALL goes off. Then a stream of fire about 25 feet in length and about 10 feet high squirts out of the fireball. Just then I catch a glimpse of my 14 year old son running from the kaos. Well after I saw my son was not burned to a crisp and I put my heart back in my chest, I heard the FUNNY story. It seems one of the US Navy's finest, a badass SEAL no less, had used his training and concocked this controlled explosion for the show. Problem was he didnt tell any of the responsible adults about it.

Dumbass