Friday, October 07, 2011

Date Night

My husband is a saint. I've told you guys over the years how fantastic he is and it's true. Except for one day of the year. Then he's a raging bonehead.

7 or 8 years ago, we put in a pool in our backyard. There is no rec center or YMCA in our town, and for several summers we had to drive the boys down from the mountains into the city so that they could get swimming lessons. One year we decided to forgo our yearly vacation and use the money to put in an outside heated pool instead.

It's been really great for everybody. Except for "pool closing day", which is usually in September.

I dread it.

My mostly easy-going and sweet hubby turns into another person. To close the pool for the winter, we have to drain it by half, put in a bunch of big blow up balls (to keep the remaining water from freezing over), tie down a couple of big heavy-duty tarps and then have the pool company come and disconnect the gas heater.

The first year I helped. But after he started screaming and cussing up a blue moon, I told him that I would never help again. Since then, he's gone through all the boys as helpers---whoever is there and available---and each year, the asshat comes out.

He has an idea of how everything will work in his head. He doesn't articulate it well to whoever is helping. So he gets frustrated and all kinds of foul language flies out of his butt.

Since the weather has been so great, he didn't close the pool until yesterday. And the minion available for "helping" was the Aspiring Adult.

Little Guy was away last night, so I scheduled it as "date night". It's been ages since Hubby and I have had a night alone together and I made reservations at a local steak house a week ago. The fact that the Aspiring Adult had the day off from work was sudden and coincidental, so Hubby planned to have him help close the pool.


Yes, the day went as usual. The Aspiring Adult put up with his shit and they got the pool closed.

When the Aspiring Adult found out that we had plans to go out to dinner (without him) he got a little whiny. According to him, old people don't need time alone, since it's inconceivable that in our decrepitude we'd have any romantic feelings (oh! the horror!) left. We never take HIM out to dinner (uh---the last time we all went out we treated not only him, but his girlfriend as well). But since he was the designated "pool helper" this year, I compromised and agreed to bring him home a steak dinner.

At the restaurant, Mr. Grumpy was still---well grumpy. I wasn't planning on spending two hours without kids with THAT, so extreme measures had to be taken.

While the waiter (young college guy) was taking our drink order, Hubby was looking at the menu. "What's the soup of the day?" he asked.

The waiter went into a rambling description of the chef's specialty, Brussels Sprouts Bisque.

"Hmm, sounds good."

NO! I blurted out. If you eat that, you'll be farting all night long! The waiter's jaw dropped.

Hubby started snickering. "You're right. Guess I better pass." The waiter scurried off to get our drinks. When he came back, we were ready to order.

My beloved ordered the crab dip.

I ordered the Brussels Sprouts Bisque.

The waiter raised his eyebrows, and said, "er, Ma'am, aren't you worried about the-er-unfortunate side effects?"

Of course not, I responded breezily. My farts I can stand. His, on the other hand, are dreadful.

Then Hubby and I burst out laughing. By the end of the meal, when we shared a heavenly Banana's Foster, my saint was back.

Oh golly, we're such juveniles! Good thing the Aspiring Adult wasn't there. He'd be so embarrassed.


Beth said...

Being juvenile is so rewarding & fun!
Kudos to you, your husband, your date nights and your mutual gas!

Jeanie said...

Having Mr. Grumpy one day a year isn't too bad when he is a saint the rest of the year. Mr. Grumpy shows up around here every time there is a need for him to work with lawn care machines. Fortunately he doesn't do it himself too often.
Glad you got your saint back before the day was over and had a good dinner out.

Willoughby said...

Closing the pool for the winter is a drag, but I think I hate opening day even more. Last year and the year before, holes developed in our cover and leaves got into the water. When we took the cover off, it looked like thousands of gallons of iced tea. What a mess!

I'm glad you and hubby had a good time on your date night! My husband and I get silly together, too.

Anonymous said...

I'm glad you got the happy ending (hopefully it smelled okay, too). Sometimes you have to draw the line in the sand with kids, no?

Chris H said...

OOOH I love it! I hope that soup was lovely.... you are a hoot.

Valerie Marie said...

lol! You're so sweet together, no "decrepitude" in sight. Love you all ((hugs)).

Warner said...

I let the nice pool company close the pool

Joanna Jenkins said...

Nothing like a fart joke at the dinner table to lighten things up a bit. Sounds like a typical family gathering at our house. You crack me up!
xo jj

Brenda said...

Awesome date!

Anonymous said...


Webster said...

Nothing cracks me up like a fart joke, and yours was priceless. Still have tears in my eyes. Must blow nose now.
I'm glad you broke the tension and ended up having a good date night.

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