Saturday, December 20, 2008

Who DID You Sleep With to Get This Job?

I've been asking this every day for the last week.

A month or two ago I complained about the talentless hacks who produce the headlines for what passes for "news" on AOL's Welcome screen. Specifically the ones designed to draw readers into clicking on the link, but turn out to have very little to do with the actual article.

This week I noticed that the company thesaurus seems to be broken. I read three headlines in two days, all of which had the word "icon" in the title.

Being sufficiently annoyed at the sloppiness and overuse of the word, and of course, being me---I decided to keep track.

In addition to the original 3 headlines (which I didn't think to jot down), these popped up in the next 6 days:

Storm Dumps Snow in Las Vegas
Photo Shows Iconic Sign Covered in it

Iconic Childhood Game Turns 60

Iconic Store Shutting All 815 Doors

Music Icon's Home Open to the Public

We've Lost a 'Notorious' Legend
But Iconic Pinup's Pictures Live On

Pop Icon Snapped in Bizzare Mask

Iconic SUV Company Up For Sale

Music Icon Hiding Secret Pop Star Sister

Iconic Brand Files for Bankruptcy

Geez Louise. Even if there were 5 separate unimaginative writers who produced this dreck, you'd think an editor worth his or her salt would have caught it.

Makes me think of those old SNL Weekend Update skits where Dan Ackroyd turns to Jane Curtain and says, "Jane, you ignorant slut."

Who DID you sleep with to get this job?


In other news, I passed my fall semester with A's. I'm amazed, because I got a little behind when I was at my sickest, but was able to catch up at the end.

My legs are almost 100% back to normal. Except for the excess skin. Kind of looks like I'm wearing nylon knee-hi's that are sagging around the ankles. The soles of my feet even have flappy skin. Eww.

Oh, and I lost 85 pounds of water. That's right. 85 pounds.

I peed out an entire person in 7 weeks.

Of course, it's a Calista "eat a cheeseburger" Flockhart-sized person, but still....I weigh less than I have in at least 5 years (dropped 4 sizes).

I had to go digging in the basement to find some old moderate fat clothes because all my pants are falling down. I'd like to lose some more, so I don't want to go spend $$ getting new stuff just yet. But I have to get shoes. My shoes are falling off too.

Went to see my cardiologist and things are looking good. My blood pressure is normal, my EKG looked good. My pulse-rate is still a little high, but has been coming down with the meds. The side effects were bothersome at first, but once I adjusted to them, I have to say that I feel really really good.
(Cripes. I just noticed I used the word "good" 3 times in that last paragraph. How iconic---er ironic.)

Unfortunately, I'll probably have to take most of these for the rest of my life, and stay on the oxygen indefinitely, but my energy level has gone way up, and I'm glad they caught it when they did. Still have a bunch more tests to do after the holidays, but I'm just going to wait until then to think about it.

So how was YOUR week?


Anonymous said...

So very glad to get an update from you. You have been on my mind so much. I'm thrilled to hear that your health is getting better and that the medication is doing what it should. I'm so thankful that this was caught early. Medical tests and new medications are so stressful, just take it moment by moment. Make sure you put all your energy into taking care of YOU. I know easier said, but JUST DO IT.

Congratulations on your A's!! You are amazing. How much of a break do you have?

You made me laugh so much about the use of icon. I was thinking the exact same thing, it was driving me crazy!

Take care and have a wonderful holiday!

Kim Ayres said...

My wife and I partners in the business so I'm always sleeping with the boss
Congrats on the A's!
Glad you're feeling on the up :)
This week I became a grandad for the 3rd time, had 5 fillings at the dentist and will be seeing my new grandson tomorrow.

Clippy Mat said...

hey, glad you are doing better.
congrats on the 'a' grades too.
my week was pretty eventful thanks.
but not ICONIC however.

just bob said...

I'm glad to hear your health is improving. Happy Holidays!!!

Beth said...

Congrats on the A's and thank God for the "things are looking good." Puts a little more "merry" in the Merry Christmas!

phlegmfatale said...

ditto on the "icon" thing. Meh.

Well done on those A's! You clearly deserved them.

Anonymous said...

I was just praying through my list last night and you came up--such great news! A whole person, you say? Oh my! I mean, that's the equivalent of 8 normal weight babies!!! You are iconic.

Brenda said...

Don't forget to buy new bunny slippers! Great news young lady!

Joe said...

Glad to hear you're doing better.

Chris H said...

Yaaa to being a bit better, and so what if ya have to take meds forever? At least you will be the best you can be.

Casdok said...

So glad you are feeling better and congrats on those As!!
Hope you have a wonderful christmas.

Green-Eyed Momster said...

Congrats on your A's!!! You're so smart!! I'm so proud of you!!

My week was ironic...and very busy!!

Trying to take it slow and enjoy the last two weeks of the YEAR????

Happy holidays to you and yours!!

Big hugs and love, T

stinkypaw said...

That's great news! So happy for you, that's great news and congrats on the A's!

Anonymous said...

A's !!! Congratulation! I knew you'll do it ! I'm so happy to read that you are going better! Take care of you! ((ATM))

Rootietoot said...

I am so happy you're feeling better! Don't sweat too much about taking meds forever. You get used to it and the alternative isn't worth it. I'm hoping you'll go out and get yourself a new wardrobe.

contemporary themes said...

So glad you are feeling much better. That's awesome news. And the As are icing on the cake! : )

Anonymous said...

I'm *SO* glad to hear that you're on the mend! Thanks for keeping us updated. We care.

And great job on the grades! Very impressive, especially given all that you have going on otherwise.

Merry Christmas to you and yours, and all the best in 2009!

Ellen Seidman said...

Hi. Glad you're feeling better, glad someone is calling out AOL on their hypercrappy, noniconic writing. It is lame central. They should have you writing for them.

My week is hectic but taking my kids to Florida on Wednesday, so I am a happy camper.

Merry Christmas!

Cheri @ Blog This Mom!® said...

Good job on those grades, and glad to know you're feeling better.

Anonymous said...

I'm so glad you're feeling better - though sorry about the meds and the oxygen.
Congrats on the grades. No surprise there :-)
Have a Happy Yule.

These headers should give you hope. Or maybe not.

Man sees Vision of Virgin Mary and Grows Giant Vegetables.

Your Pets Will Join You in Heaven, Say Top Experts.

Hitler Still Alive at 93 Masterminds Falklands Invasion.

Anonymous said...

OMG!!! 85 POUNDS?!!!!! That's amazing!
I'm sooooo glad you're feeling better ATM.
Have a wonderful holiday!!!

The Quacks of Life said...

have a good christmas

85 pounds ? I'd settle for half that

Michelle Flaherty said...

It's official. I now despise the word "icon". And by the way, I saw that picture of ICON Michale Jackson with that weird Elephant Man mask on his face. Given that he used to own the Elephant Man's bones (does he still?), I'm not surprised at the choice in masks.

I'm glad you're feeling better. Did the docs tell you if your skin will get some elasticity back or is this a job for Super Plastic Surgeon?!

Hope you and your family have had a nice holiday so far!