Who DID You Sleep With to Get This Job?

I've been asking this every day for the last week.

A month or two ago I complained about the talentless hacks who produce the headlines for what passes for "news" on AOL's Welcome screen. Specifically the ones designed to draw readers into clicking on the link, but turn out to have very little to do with the actual article.

This week I noticed that the company thesaurus seems to be broken. I read three headlines in two days, all of which had the word "icon" in the title.

Being sufficiently annoyed at the sloppiness and overuse of the word, and of course, being me---I decided to keep track.

In addition to the original 3 headlines (which I didn't think to jot down), these popped up in the next 6 days:

Storm Dumps Snow in Las Vegas
Photo Shows Iconic Sign Covered in it

Iconic Childhood Game Turns 60

Iconic Store Shutting All 815 Doors

Music Icon's Home Open to the Public

We've Lost a 'Notorious' Legend
But Iconic Pinup's Pictures Live On

Pop Icon Snapped in Bizzare Mask

Iconic SUV Company Up For Sale

Music Icon Hiding Secret Pop Star Sister

Iconic Brand Files for Bankruptcy

Geez Louise. Even if there were 5 separate unimaginative writers who produced this dreck, you'd think an editor worth his or her salt would have caught it.

Makes me think of those old SNL Weekend Update skits where Dan Ackroyd turns to Jane Curtain and says, "Jane, you ignorant slut."

Who DID you sleep with to get this job?

Feh.
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In other news, I passed my fall semester with A's. I'm amazed, because I got a little behind when I was at my sickest, but was able to catch up at the end.

My legs are almost 100% back to normal. Except for the excess skin. Kind of looks like I'm wearing nylon knee-hi's that are sagging around the ankles. The soles of my feet even have flappy skin. Eww.

Oh, and I lost 85 pounds of water. That's right. 85 pounds.

I peed out an entire person in 7 weeks.

Of course, it's a Calista "eat a cheeseburger" Flockhart-sized person, but still....I weigh less than I have in at least 5 years (dropped 4 sizes).

I had to go digging in the basement to find some old moderate fat clothes because all my pants are falling down. I'd like to lose some more, so I don't want to go spend $$ getting new stuff just yet. But I have to get shoes. My shoes are falling off too.

Went to see my cardiologist and things are looking good. My blood pressure is normal, my EKG looked good. My pulse-rate is still a little high, but has been coming down with the meds. The side effects were bothersome at first, but once I adjusted to them, I have to say that I feel really really good.

(Cripes. I just noticed I used the word "good" 3 times in that last paragraph. How iconic---er ironic.)

Unfortunately, I'll probably have to take most of these for the rest of my life, and stay on the oxygen indefinitely, but my energy level has gone way up, and I'm glad they caught it when they did. Still have a bunch more tests to do after the holidays, but I'm just going to wait until then to think about it.

So how was YOUR week?

Christmas Shopping

Well, at least you know what NOT to get her for Christmas!

You're a Douche Bag!!

While I was down for the count in the last month, it seems like the universe held a parental douche baggery convention. And I missed it.

Can't quite fit back into the killer bunny slippers to kick some heinie yet, but that's ok. My left foot looks like it's wearing a shar-pei. Even the sole of my foot has loose folds of stretched-out skin which is really really freaky. Who needs a scary slipper when the real thing is hideous on its own?

Anyhoo, thought I'd introduce a few douche bags to the hall of shame since it's been awhile...

Your daughter and her friend take nekkid pictures of themselves with their cellphones over the summer. They send a photo to one of the girls' boyfriend. A photo "accidently" gets sent to the cell phones of the entire football team (whether via the boyfriend or one of the girls' phones wasn't made clear).

Someone anonymously sends a copy of the picture to school officials, who suspend your daughters from the cheerleading squad because their actions violate the code of ethics.

So you sue the school for damages (amongst them is negligent infliction of emotional distress and outrage), because it's "obviously" their fault that your daughters are Suzi Slutpanties who can't control themselves.

You're a Douche Bag!

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Your child is at an age where he wants everything he sees on TV. Kick-Me-In-The-Head Elmo. Brite-Lite Barney with the Kung-fu Grip. Now that the holidays are approaching, toy manufacturers are stepping up the promotions during their biggest season of the year and your kid's Santa wish list is getting bigger, longer and backbreakingly expensive.

Do you:

1). Limit Bratleigh's TV time so that Power Rangers with thermonuclear lunch boxes aren't constantly dancing in his head? Make him read a book instead? Go outside and play in the yard? Bake cookies or do some other kind of activity together?

or do you:

2). Use this as an opportunity for teaching life lessons? Such as, "life is full of disappointments, and we don't always get everything we want. How about looking at the list and picking out the one or two presents you want the most (if it's a young child) or rating each item as to wantability (if it's an older child)."

Life isn't going to hand them everything just because they want it. Better they learn that early at home so they can be prepared for the real world as adults.

Unless of course you really want your kid living in your basement when he's 30.

or do you:

3). Band together with 1400 other wussyboots and contact toy companies to ask them to stop advertising so aggressively during the holidays because you're unable to tell your cupcake "no" or keep the little dictator away from the TV.

If you picked number 3, then You're a Douche Bag!!

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It's a rainy day. You're dropping your kids off at school and the only available parking space in the loading zone is the one reserved for the disabled. And you're in a hurry, dammit.

Who's going to notice? You'll just take a minute to walk your cupcakes inside the building.

When you come out another father is waiting to talk to you. He is the parent of two children, both who have MS. He's waiting to use the disabled spot and asks you not to use the reserved space in the future because they are needed for families who have children who have physical disabilities.

Instead of apologizing and high-tailing your soccer-dadding-mini-van-driving butt out of there, you decide to give him a good talking to. "Just because you have a hard life doesn't mean the world owes you everything."

It's seems like you forgot that YOU ARE THE SCHOOL DISTRICT'S SPECIAL EDUCATION DIRECTOR!

And a 5-star Douche Bag!

Checking In...

I haven't fallen off the face of the planet. Yet. ;-)

Finals are this week and I have just a few days left of school.

As soon as they are over, I'll have a whole month to come and dish.

Thank you all for all your kind and loving wishes.

ATM

Testing 1, 2, 3

Howdy!

I'm starting to feel like I'm in an episode of House, M.D. where the team of doctors come up with several diagnoses and then finally come up with the right one just in time to keep their patient from croaking. This week I've been pushed on, poked, prodded, stuck, electroded, ultrasounded, echoed and wanded in just about every nook and cranny excluding my ear canals and my butt crack. The results are in, and I met with my doc yesterday to go over some of them.

First of all, I've lost 50 pounds in three weeks.

No sh*t.

I'm not sure that all of it was water, because I haven't been eating very much this past month, but whatever it is, it just emphasized how much water I have left to lose. My arms and hands look kind of twiggy, and my wedding ring slid off when I was doing the dishes the other day.

Then when I jumped out of bed the other morning, my jammie pants fell off. My heinie kind of disappeared, and my hips have shrunk.

But like I said, it just emphasizes where the water is. My belly is so big, it looks like I'm going to squeeze out a litter in the near future. It's full of water and gas. Yikes.

My left leg is almost completely normal. My right leg is still full of water. All in all, the doc thinks there may be another 15-20 lbs hanging out in there.

As for the test results:

The right side of my heart is performing normally. No sign of damage from blood clots. My kidneys, liver, spleen, etc are all functioning normally. No blood clots in my legs either.

And no gallstones. The tech kept poking and pushing with the wand and asking, "does this hurt?" After about the 4th time, my gallbladder started getting grumpy and I said, "well yeah, it's starting to hurt NOW".

The results from my echocardiogram were not as positive, but could have been worse. I DO have to say that I was apprehensive about the test itself----you know, having your breasts handled and flopping around unfettered is not a thrilling experience. But there was this cool little boob tray cut into the bed that my left one could fall into, and all I had to do with my right one was toss it over my shoulder like Zsa Zsa's fox stole (did I mention that with all the water loss I have two oddly shaped sacks of skin attached to my chest? I could wrap them around my neck like a scarf if it gets too cold out!).

Anyhoo, there are some electrical issues that may be a cause of concern and I'm seeing a specialist on Monday. The current thinking is that I might have had a small heart attack a couple of years ago when I first started getting symptoms that nobody picked up on. The left side of my heart is not performing optimally and will need a further look-see.

My heart is beating too fast, possibly because of the thick blood (from long-term oxygen deprivations or other reasons), even in a resting state. It is much lower than it was 3 weeks ago though. Doc has put me on some additional medication to try to slow it down a bit and to thin my blood. We'll see what the cardiologist has to say about everything.

I complained to the doctor about all the excess skin I suddenly have (it was all pulled tight like a sausage a few weeks ago, now it's really slack). I know it will take time to bounce back into shape, but I wanted to know what I could put on it because it's really itchy. The doc said I'd probably look like a California raisin when the water's all gone, but that we'd worry about that later.

Overall, the doc said my oxygen levels are great, and that all the test results came back much better than what he expected. He said he was a little freaked out when I came in three weeks ago, because I was practically blue. How could we have not noticed it? Was it that gradual?

So like I said, it could have been worse. I could have been this woman. Ack!!!!

Have a great weekend!

ATM

Back Away from the Remote!

Another reason to make the kids put down the game controller/remote and pick up a book.

“My brother and I took a fairy across to Martha’s Vineyard.”

Oh dear.

I have to add that when I started back to college I took an advanced English class. One of our assignments was to critique each other's writings and offer suggestions to make them better. The professor instructed, "don't offer criticism on spelling or grammar, but on ideas."

I couldn't do it. Some of the writing was so poorly done that I couldn't tell if there was an idea in there or not. How in the hell did some of these people get into an advanced class without even knowing the basics (like how to use spell check)? ;-)

Gah!

Got some of my test results back. Here is the short version. ;-)

My thyroid is normal. No diabetes. Kidneys and liver working as meant to. Unfortunately, for some or a multitude of reasons, my oxygen intake has been low for quite some time. How long? Nobody knows, but some of my symptoms started about 2 years ago.

According to these tests, my blood is really thick, whatever that means.


I have a bunch of tiny little blood clots in my lungs. Have some more tests to do, but the docs think they originated in my leg, and that I still have more (hence the original swelling).

I've lost 30 lbs of water--YES 30!!--in 14 days and that leg is still all swelled up. Estimated that I'm prolly carrying another 20 lbs or so of excess fluid.

Anyhoo, the clots passed through the right side of my heart and stuck in my lungs. Which of course, exacerbated the breathing problems, which exacerbated the lack of circulation, which made my body swell up like a balloon and made my heart work harder.

The good news? My heart apparently was able to handle it. Doesn't look like it's in failure. I'm going to have more extensive tests done next week to see if there was any damage. Also going to have a venous doppler done on both legs to see if there are any more clots. And I'm going to have some eyeballing done to my gallbladder, because the tests came back and said I had some issues there that are completely separate from everything else.

But going to take care of the heart/lung issues first. Got some new meds to try. I'll probably have to stay on oxygen for awhile. Hopefully that will correct things until we can find out why it's happening.

Thanks again for all your good wishes. Other than a cold I picked up last weekend (which has really kicked my butt), I've been feeling a lot and I mean a LOT better.

ATM

P.S. Took a couple of grody pictures this morning to show what I mean. On the left is my left leg which is almost (but not quite) back to human-size. On the right is a much diminished, but still humongous appendage. ack

Updating...

Happy to say it's been restful these past few days. I had to get some insurance crap straightened out, so my tests are scheduled for Monday and Tuesday. Wish me luck!

On the plus side, I lost 16 pounds of water in the first week. It's mind-boggling.

That's about 2 gallon-sized jugs of water.

Or the pair of Beth Chapman's jugs (I swear that woman must have a spine of steel to be able to stand erect).

My left leg actually looks like a human leg again. My right still has that tree trunky thing going. And my energy level has gone way way up.

I can't tell if it's because of the water loss or the oxygen or a combination of both.

Thanks so much for all your kind comments and wishes! Can't tell you how much it's appreciated!

ATM

Heart to Heart

Sorry I've been away this week without a word. I've had a little bit of a shock, and had a few things to take care of.

The back/hip issue? Not really a back/hip issue. Apparently it's probably a heart issue.

The swelling I had in one leg spread to the other. The sheer exhaustion I've been feeling isn't from being over-stressed and unable to sleep, exactly. It's been from lack of oxygen. And who knows how long THAT'S been going on up here at 9000 feet above sea level.

Glad to say that I'm feeling a helluva lot better after a weekend on an oxygen machine and heavy-duty diuretics. I'm clear-headed, energized and pissing like a racehorse. Don't much like the hose in my nose, but it's better than the alternative.

I've already had one test, and I haven't had a heart attack or anything. I'm having more tests later this week to get a better idea of what is going on.

I'll try to pop in and comment, but hope you understand if I don't. It's going to be a wacky week.

xoxo

ATM

P.S. It could have been worse. I could have been hanging curtains in my kitchen while nekkid, fallen backwards onto a pile of potatoes that were on my kitchen table and ended up in the emergency room with a tater stuck up my tooter. Really.

Random

I used Hubby's bathroom the other day and noticed a new revolting development.

When the kids were younger, we had a small TV/VCR we installed in the back of the SUV for long road trips. Now it is gracing a prime viewing spot in front of his toilet, complete with remote control.

WTF is up with that? I can't decide if he doesn't want to miss a chance of dumping an actual doody every time he views Keith Olbermann or a shrieking Chris Matthews, or is afraid to miss a play on any of the bazillion football games that are shown on Saturday, Sunday and of course, Monday night.

I'm kind of afraid to ask. But I will if I find a stash of beer and chips in there.
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Dilemma of the day:

You're in the bathtub. No kids or dogs or husband yapping away demanding your attention.

It's just you, your favorite bath oil, a fabulous book, a glass of wine, and an hour to enjoy yourself.

Just as you get in and get comfortable, you pull an Attila and sneeze. Chunks and snot all over your hand and arm.

Your towel is too far to reach. Toilet paper is across the bathroom. The outside hand you need to hoist yourself out of the tub with is the one that was violated, and you have to get the crap off so you don't slip and break a rib or 4. Calling the kid in to help would make him go blind.

Choices that come to mind?

1) Wipe it off on the shower curtain.
2) Stick your arm in the water and splash it around and then try to avoid that slimy jellyfish looking thing while you're busy trying to get the hell out of the tub.
3) Call your dog and hope that she's like Lassie and will bring you a scrap of toilet paper. Since she's in the habit of pulling paper out of the trash and chewing it into bits and all. When she doesn't, call her in a baby voice, entice her over and wipe it in her fur. Then enjoy your bath and wash her when you get out.
4) Scrape it off on the side of the tub and clean it up later. Keep eyeballing it to make sure it doesn't slide down and get you.
5) Wipe it off on the top of your head and then get up and wash it out in the shower when you're done relaxing.

feh. What would you do?
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How come it seems like the only people who say "it's all about the money with you" are the people who owe you money? Since I've been taking Contract Law this semester, I've been paying a lot of attention when watching the court shows and in my own personal sphere as well.

Why is it that when you go out with some friends or family members (I'm being general here so the guilty can't complain that I'm targeting them while they know that I'm targeting them) and it's time to pony up shares on the bill, one invariably comes up short and nonchalantly shrugs it off with, "well, it's only 16 bucks."

Then they get offended if you point out that since it's "ONLY 16 bucks", then they won't have any problem coming up with it.

Wait. You mean it's "only 16 bucks" if it's MY 16 bucks? But if it's YOUR 16 bucks you won't be able to pay your rent/feed your kids/heat your home that month? Your world will completely collapse into financial disaster?

I certainly didn't break your arm and make you order the appetizer, t-bone and dessert. Oh, and two cocktails.

Don't invite me out and then expect it to be my treat. Only my children get to do that.

Bite me.
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If you eat a handful of dried Wasabi peas as a snack, it's a really bad idea to use that hand to wipe your eyes when they start to water. Trust me.

The Good, The Bad and The Fugly

The Good:

Ok, I couldn't resist. This is very cute. I spent far too much time on it. Turn up your sound and click on things in the room. Maverick!!

The Bad:

Well it could have been worse. West Virginia police arrested a man for DUI. While being fingerprinted, the suspect sidled over and farted on the officer.

He was charged with Battery.

The investigating officer remarked in the criminal complaint that the odor was very strong and "put a hurtin' on my nose".

Later, the assistant prosecutor dropped the charge.

Thank heavens for that! I've been kind of afraid to leave the house lately since I too carry a capricious weapon of mass destruction in my pants.

Although I would never actually go up to someone and spot weld them on purpose.

Unless we were married.

The Fugly:

I didn't actually mean to have 2 Sarah Palin articles mentioned, but the nuttiness was just too good to pass up.

I don't know which is scarier---That a bar owner decided he had to paint a nude picture of Sarah Palin to grace his wall...

Or that he used his own daughter as his nekkid model.

My eyes! My eyes! And an icepick to the brain. Please!!

Beautiful

Little Guy has been taking some self-empowerment and self-advocacy courses this semester down at the Independent Living Center. He hasn't talked much about it, except that he enjoys taking the shuttle down into the city and packing his own lunch.

Yesterday afternoon, before Hubby got home, he was helping me crawl on the floor looking for 3 missing pills (so the dogs wouldn't find and eat them).

Big Kid had been over earlier (sporting a new dyed-red mohawk and eyebrow piercing courtesy of a jobless dope-smoking bum who sponges off his folks and lives in the same apartment complex, but that's another story) and had hurled his pill box into the wall sending about 100 of them flying across the room. After we got them picked up and the box reassembled, we counted 3 pills missing.

Anyway we spent about 10 minutes in a fruitless search, and Little Guy blurted out, "Mom, do you still love me even if I have autism?"

Whoa. That's a new one. Where in the world did this come from? And how do I react without overreacting?

I assured him that I would always love him just the way he is.

"Even if I talk funny and have a hard time getting words out?"

(P.S. From a query I got in email, saying that it sounds like from my response to Little Guy that I thought autism was a bad or defective thing, I thought I'd elaborate a little on the conversation. I responded with, "Well I have freckles, I'm tall and I have a big butt. Do you still love me?" He said he did and by the way he loves my messy hair and did I know that I have a pimple, and I said that he will always be my baby boy and I love every single inch of him forever and always even when he forgets to clean out his ears. Yes, we are demented that way. I wanted him to see that having autism was one of many differences people have and didn't enter into the equation with more value than anything else)

This is a pretty big developmental step for him. He's never seemed to notice the differences between himself and others (or wasn't able to articulate it), and always seemed to be confident in our unconditional love for him.

So we spent a little face time talking about how everyone is different, and everyone is uniquely beautiful and made cupcakes and ate chocolate frosting out of the jar.

Nothing like frosting out of the jar.

I just wanted to take a moment to let all of YOU know that YOU'RE beautiful too.

Found this incredible production through Dave Hingsburger and Ashley's Mom.



Hope you all have a great weekend!

ATM

Just for Just Bob

Just Bob made a comment about the fall foliage in my comments section, so I thought I'd share a couple of photos I took of the aspen last week off the back deck.

Happy Fall!

ATM

Sometimes You Just Gotta Say....

An 8th-grade girl took nekkid pictures of herself and sent them to multiple boys in her school via cellphone.

One 13-year-old boy has been arrested and suspended from school on child pornography charges for having her pictures in his phone. The police and school officials aren't commenting on whether or not charges will be filed against the other recipients.

Of course, not a damn thing on whether or not the sender will be charged for transmitting child porn. Our laws prolly haven't been caught up to speed on that.

Call me an old fogey, but I can only think of very few things a kid that age needs a cell-phone for.

1) When I need to find you.
2) When you need to find me.
3) If there's trouble.

Texting? Lrn 2 wrte lttrs n use a stmp. Photos? Bite me. Get them a basic phone.

Waste money on the bells and whistles? There will be videos on Youtube of your genius sprogling either drowning the neighbor's poodle or burning his asshairs while he and his friends light their farts. Don't whine.

You asked for it.

WTF?
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Next on the list is this poor guy in the UK.

He has an allotment (which is kind of foreign to us in the U.S.) that he uses to grow vegetables. It's like a community garden, except that he leases a space to grow his own.

Anyhoo, Bill Malcolm has been targeted by thieves 3 times in the last 4 months. They've broken into his shed, stolen his tools and ransacked his garden.

So he put up a 3-foot barbed-wire fence to try to protect his work, and to deter those who are intent on mischief.

His district council has ordered him to remove the fence, lest would-be thieves or vandals "scratch themselves on it and sue".

WTF?
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Why would someone steal 15 newspaper vending machines? Why not just break into them? Those machines are huge. And what would be the return? If on a weekday they hold say---100 papers---at 50 cents a holler, how efficient is that? Then again, being a coupon shopper, if they all held Sunday papers at a buck a shot plus coupons, maybe it's more lucrative.

I don't think this thief thought it all the way through. He brought all the machines (looted them of quarters and papers) and left them in a motel room he rented with his own real name. Doh!

And WTF?
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Thanks all for your kind and caring comments and emails. Still recovering, but had some serious issues that needed to be taken care of regarding Little Guy's transitional placement for the year. Had to pull out the killer bunny slippers again, scrape the rust off the Attila armor, open my rolodex (yes, that archaic old thing), and break my foot off in a couple of asses.

Didn't want to share anything about it here, simply because for the most part we've had a great experience in this school district with Little Guy and things didn't start going to hell in a handbasket until late last spring. We were hoping that things would shape up this fall, but it simply didn't happen on its own.

I've been in a major funk about it for the last few weeks along with the physical problems.

Glad to say that between Hubby (reasonably explaining that although the majority of the team that met for the Little Guy's IEP last spring no longer worked for the district and how we had agreed to adjourn it until this fall so that we could figure out what vocational training opportunities were available and what his schedule would look like) and I ("Do you think we made this adjournment up? Do you think we would agree to a year of lessons on how to do laundry, load the dishwasher and other crap he's been doing on his own for the last 5 years?" or "What does any of this have to do with training him for a vocation? Don't make me tear your head off and shit down your neck, because ninjas don't have nothing on me!") we got the job done.

Isn't that the longest sentence you've ever read? ;-)

Anyways, it's all good. We had our ducks in a row (Colorado Department of Education and the school superintendent on board) before the meeting, and it turns out it was just more of a miscommunication problem with the changing of staff then anything else.

It's a load off my mind.

Still, WTF?

Curious and Curiouser

Thanks everybody for all your kind wishes!

Hubby came home today safe and sound, and I'm on the mend.

I had a recurrence of my old lower back/right hip/down my right leg sciatic issue but with a new development.

My knee got some kind of inflammation and swelled up about 3 times its normal size, which made sitting down, getting up, tackling stairs, driving, showering, putting shoes on (not to mention pants) exercises in new kinds of futility.

Didn't have any real pain in my knee (or maybe I just didn't notice it next to the back/hip/leg thing), but couldn't bend it because of the swelling. Have no idea where that came from. My knee is fine now.

But it was curious and curiouser.

So I've been noticing things that are somewhat "curiouser".

Like last night's debate amongst the VP candidates Joe Biden and Sarah Palin.

Now don't take ANY of this as an endorsement of either side. Not going to get into any kind of argument. These are just observations. And we recorded the debate as soon as I started scratching my head, thinking, "WTF?" so I'm more than happy to go back and double-check.

When asked about their roles as VP, Sen. Biden said something like "Presidential Candidate Obama and I have talked about my role, and I'm going to "help" him govern. So I'll be sitting in on all the decision-making."

What in the hell WAS that? Since when does a VP "help" govern? I'm not even going to reference Dubya, simply because that mess will take years to figure out. But I don't seem to remember Al Gore taking credit (or blame) for any of Bill Clinton's decisions as President (although he DID invent the Internet). And Dan Quayle before him?

Great googly moogly. We didn't watch any of the ::koff:: "experts" who try to "interpret" what we just saw for ourselves for us (we changed the channel and watched Tabitha's Salon Takeover where Tabitha bitchslapped some stylist for pulling a client's head back so she could wipe her nose on the towel around said client's neck) , but I guess I'll find out in the morning if anybody else caught this.

Was it another (wink wink, nudge nudge) Biden "gaffe" where he is again endlessly self-promoting, or what's the scoop? Because in my opinion, it made it seem like he thought Sen. Obama wasn't fit to lead our country without having his hand held by Papa Joe.

As far as Gov. Palin went, Hubby and I kept laughing about how much she resembled Tina Fey from Saturday Night Live "doing" her. Which is weird. Sarah Palin spot on her mark as Tina Fey doing Sarah Palin. ;-)

Both instances are curious and curiouser.

Lastly, while I was down for the count, I WAS able to chat on the phone and caught up with a few friends. Had a conversation with one which left me scratching my head a bit on the curious scale.

Her hubby was having a shitfit over bread, and she was a bit annoyed herself. Over bread.

Now if you are the family shopper, you know that there are oodles of kinds of bread. But let's just talk about plain white sandwich bread.

On the low end of the scale, you get generic bread. It's really cheap, it works, but doesn't have a great mouth texture.

Next up is the store brand bread. It's a better quality than the generic, and usually costs around 30 to 50 cents more a loaf.

Then higher up you get the really "deluxe" textured stuff like WonderBread or Sara Lee, which generally costs about twice the store brand.

Last but not least, you get specialty loaves of "old fashioned" white bread made from the same company that produces potato bread, gourmet rye or pumpernickel, 5-grain, oat bread, etc which is even more.

We usually buy the store brand, which passes the mouth test in our family, or Sara Lee if it's on sale. In our opinion, the generic bread is crap and nobody likes it.

So anyway, my friend's hubby did the shopping one week with a list that friend sent him with. They have 3 teenagers who are busy and thankfully independent. Part of that glorious independence is that they make their own breakfasts and sack lunches for school.

Hubby came home from shopping with two loaves of white bread. One was the crappy generic brand, and the other was the high-end "old-fashioned". Note: He could have two loaves of the same kind of store brand bread for the same price. Both loaves went into the bread box.

Come the weekend, Hubby decides to make himself a sammich. All that is left in the bread box is the loaf of generic bread, which nobody has touched, because the 3 kids have used the other bread for their lunches during the week. And he goes ballistic, because he doesn't want to have "crappy bread" for his sammich. Weirdly enough, my friend is annoyed as well.

I don't get it.

How do you justify buying yourselves the most expensive brand of bread for your own personal use, and then buy the crappiest for your kids, especially when they're old enough to tell the difference? And how do you explain to them that they only rate having the crap bread?

Don't get me wrong. I don't see any problem whatsoever with parents treating themselves out to a night at the swankiest and most expensive restaurant in town while dropping the teens off at Pizza Hut.

But getting your ass in a twist over a loaf of white bread?

Curious and curiouser.

What do YOU think?