Saturday, October 25, 2008


I used Hubby's bathroom the other day and noticed a new revolting development.

When the kids were younger, we had a small TV/VCR we installed in the back of the SUV for long road trips. Now it is gracing a prime viewing spot in front of his toilet, complete with remote control.

WTF is up with that? I can't decide if he doesn't want to miss a chance of dumping an actual doody every time he views Keith Olbermann or a shrieking Chris Matthews, or is afraid to miss a play on any of the bazillion football games that are shown on Saturday, Sunday and of course, Monday night.

I'm kind of afraid to ask. But I will if I find a stash of beer and chips in there.

Dilemma of the day:

You're in the bathtub. No kids or dogs or husband yapping away demanding your attention.

It's just you, your favorite bath oil, a fabulous book, a glass of wine, and an hour to enjoy yourself.

Just as you get in and get comfortable, you pull an Attila and sneeze. Chunks and snot all over your hand and arm.

Your towel is too far to reach. Toilet paper is across the bathroom. The outside hand you need to hoist yourself out of the tub with is the one that was violated, and you have to get the crap off so you don't slip and break a rib or 4. Calling the kid in to help would make him go blind.

Choices that come to mind?

1) Wipe it off on the shower curtain.
2) Stick your arm in the water and splash it around and then try to avoid that slimy jellyfish looking thing while you're busy trying to get the hell out of the tub.
3) Call your dog and hope that she's like Lassie and will bring you a scrap of toilet paper. Since she's in the habit of pulling paper out of the trash and chewing it into bits and all. When she doesn't, call her in a baby voice, entice her over and wipe it in her fur. Then enjoy your bath and wash her when you get out.
4) Scrape it off on the side of the tub and clean it up later. Keep eyeballing it to make sure it doesn't slide down and get you.
5) Wipe it off on the top of your head and then get up and wash it out in the shower when you're done relaxing.

feh. What would you do?

How come it seems like the only people who say "it's all about the money with you" are the people who owe you money? Since I've been taking Contract Law this semester, I've been paying a lot of attention when watching the court shows and in my own personal sphere as well.

Why is it that when you go out with some friends or family members (I'm being general here so the guilty can't complain that I'm targeting them while they know that I'm targeting them) and it's time to pony up shares on the bill, one invariably comes up short and nonchalantly shrugs it off with, "well, it's only 16 bucks."

Then they get offended if you point out that since it's "ONLY 16 bucks", then they won't have any problem coming up with it.

Wait. You mean it's "only 16 bucks" if it's MY 16 bucks? But if it's YOUR 16 bucks you won't be able to pay your rent/feed your kids/heat your home that month? Your world will completely collapse into financial disaster?

I certainly didn't break your arm and make you order the appetizer, t-bone and dessert. Oh, and two cocktails.

Don't invite me out and then expect it to be my treat. Only my children get to do that.

Bite me.


If you eat a handful of dried Wasabi peas as a snack, it's a really bad idea to use that hand to wipe your eyes when they start to water. Trust me.


Kim Ayres said...

Side of the bath. Cannot think of answers to the other 2

mrsb said...

I have a snot aversion like nobody's business. I'm definitely getting OUT of the tub, washing it off and then getting back in.

Attila The Mom said...

But how do you get out of the tub when you need to use that hand? LOL

Nightmare said...

it is worse to use the same wasabi tainted hand to rub one out or wipe your butt.

Brenda said...

What did you do?

I'd pay the extra and then make damn sure not to go out for dinner with the offender again. Ever.

Did the same thing only with hot peppers, more than once. You'd think I'd learn.

Brenda said...

P.S. I can't even imagine a tv in the toilet.

ntsc said...

I hate TV.

My girlfriend wouldn't move in with me until I bought one. Now the two of us have four of them. One is always on but at least it is either the news, a food show or a travel show.

Tressa Bailey said...

I would drain the tub....and turn the shower on...wash myself and then start all over.

TV in the bathroom....haha....I'm not letting my man read this.

You are too funny!

Green Girl in Wisconsin said...

That's a good reason to never get a portable DVD player--I dare not share that reason with my husband!!! You wiped it on the side of the tub and prayed it would stick--I know you would.

I never loan money anymore. I give it and IF it returns, I'm pleasantly surprised. Your post explains why.

Big Pissy said...

Side of tub.


Joe said...

I'm with Brenda. Pay it and never go out with them again without separate checks.

Millennium Housewife said...

Your husband has his own bathroom? Where can I get me one of those, and will they install it in the shed? MH

just bob said...

#4 - side of the tub is the correct answer.

I take my laptop into the crapper... is that as bad as TV?

kim said...

Umm ya, the side of the bathtub I guess ... I'd be grossed out though and not enjoy my bath cuz I might be just a little OCD.

I don't like the bathroom enough to hang out in there and watch anything .... and then I keep remembering that prime time special where they showed us all the germs from your toilet and every time you flushed it sprayed 20ft away all over your toothbrush... seriously.

Next time you go out with them, conveniently forget your wallet AND order shrimp, steak, dessert and cocktails!

Clippy Mat said...

top of the head, shower it off after.
can't see it so it's not really there then.
works for me.
problem solved

Chris H said...

I would, no matter how difficult it was, get out and use some toilet paper ... then get back in the bath. If you put this question to Griffin.. he would say "Lick it all up"! NICE ONE SON.

OneEar said...

The bath problem is easy. Shower.
As for the old "short change," I've found that you need not worry about splitting the tab if you, on just one occasion, wipe your ass with the invoice. You'll never have to worry about being invited out again.

Jennifer McKenzie said...

I like Tessa's idea. Drain the tub, wash the arm, take another bath.
Yeah it wastes water. Yeah, I'd be in there longer. But whatever. When I take a bath, that's ME time. LOL.
I'm such a pushover. I'd probably say it was fine and pay the damn sixteen bucks. And then resent it.
I always forget to keep my damn hands off my face when I cut up peppers for Salsa. Ugh.

Rootietoot said...

My husband would give 2 back teeth for a TV in the bathroom. He says (I asked) "It's a Guy Thing." I've learned to accept that answer and leave it alone.

I'd get out of the tub, wipe the loogy off, then get back in. I'm icky that way.

The money thing? Sounds like our tax system.

warcrygirl said...

Just wipe you hand on the dog. Also, t.v. in a bathroom? It's a BATHROOM, shit and get off the pot!

Koolio said...

I don't think anyone in my house has ever produced chunky snot so I'm a little grossed out at the moment, lol.

But I completely understand about the Wasabi peas. Same thing goes for jalapeno peppers and trying to pull your contacts out of your eyes after you've just handled them. Youch!

Karen ^..^ said...

Yeah. I'd find a way out of the tub, and wipe it off. Then, just for good measure, I'd bring the TP over, just in case. And I love what you wrote about the $16. It's true.

Lots of wisdom from Attila the Mom!

Boomer Chick said...

ROFLMAO...I think I'll take door #2. Thanks for the comment on my blog, Atilla (did I spell that right?). I'm adding you to my boomer friends' list!

Indigo said...

Hmmm...I always have a bath mat in front of the tub. So wipe it on the Mat. Move it out of the way for the wash when I get out and use a spare towel to step on. Works for me.

They always act like it's only such and such amount. As you said it your money. Since they are so hard up to part with theirs it should be understandable why you don't want to cover them. In any event I would be offended by that remark NOT to go out with them again, unless I requested separate checks up front. Money or loaning money is the quickest way to ruin a perfectly good friendship...

Either chopping up hot peppers or onions makes it difficult to wipe the eyes. Even after you've washed your hands, it tends to stay in lightly coated on the surface. And it burns like a (fill in the blank)...On that note here's a tip to remove smelly substances from your hands...baking soda. Mix a small amount of water in your hand make a light paste, scrub your hands..Viola! No smell, nothing to burn your eyes out with. (Hugs)Indigo

phlegmfatale said...

NONE OF THE ABOVE: one FEEDS it to the dog. They have low standards and routinely lick rearends.

Rachel said...

My husband has hauled the TV into the bathroom to bathe the kids during a big game. Told me that I can't bitch, at least he's bathing the kids... :/

I'd probably put my arm under the water and splash around. Is there a washcloth close by?

Mmmm... Wasabi peas...

Queen of the Mayhem said...

I would have to wipe it on the tub and keep a watchful eye on it!

I couldn't chance any of the other ones.

Oh...and people who don't pay their fair share annoy the CRAP out of me!

Hope you get some snot free rest this weekend!

katydidnot said...

i'm sort of desperate now to know how you resolve the bath situation. and what book were you reading?

Ann(ie) said...

THE tv in the bathroom would so be my husband. We went to a Superbowl party once that had a TV in every bathroom and Matt still talks about that wistfully. hehe.

Samantha said...

Number 4, definately!

Stinkypaw said...

dunk the hand and wiggle in hopes the bubbles would "take care" of it all... and you're too funny! You thik Wasabi peas are bad, try Habaneros peppers!