Testing 1, 2, 3

Howdy!

I'm starting to feel like I'm in an episode of House, M.D. where the team of doctors come up with several diagnoses and then finally come up with the right one just in time to keep their patient from croaking. This week I've been pushed on, poked, prodded, stuck, electroded, ultrasounded, echoed and wanded in just about every nook and cranny excluding my ear canals and my butt crack. The results are in, and I met with my doc yesterday to go over some of them.

First of all, I've lost 50 pounds in three weeks.

No sh*t.

I'm not sure that all of it was water, because I haven't been eating very much this past month, but whatever it is, it just emphasized how much water I have left to lose. My arms and hands look kind of twiggy, and my wedding ring slid off when I was doing the dishes the other day.

Then when I jumped out of bed the other morning, my jammie pants fell off. My heinie kind of disappeared, and my hips have shrunk.

But like I said, it just emphasizes where the water is. My belly is so big, it looks like I'm going to squeeze out a litter in the near future. It's full of water and gas. Yikes.

My left leg is almost completely normal. My right leg is still full of water. All in all, the doc thinks there may be another 15-20 lbs hanging out in there.

As for the test results:

The right side of my heart is performing normally. No sign of damage from blood clots. My kidneys, liver, spleen, etc are all functioning normally. No blood clots in my legs either.

And no gallstones. The tech kept poking and pushing with the wand and asking, "does this hurt?" After about the 4th time, my gallbladder started getting grumpy and I said, "well yeah, it's starting to hurt NOW".

The results from my echocardiogram were not as positive, but could have been worse. I DO have to say that I was apprehensive about the test itself----you know, having your breasts handled and flopping around unfettered is not a thrilling experience. But there was this cool little boob tray cut into the bed that my left one could fall into, and all I had to do with my right one was toss it over my shoulder like Zsa Zsa's fox stole (did I mention that with all the water loss I have two oddly shaped sacks of skin attached to my chest? I could wrap them around my neck like a scarf if it gets too cold out!).

Anyhoo, there are some electrical issues that may be a cause of concern and I'm seeing a specialist on Monday. The current thinking is that I might have had a small heart attack a couple of years ago when I first started getting symptoms that nobody picked up on. The left side of my heart is not performing optimally and will need a further look-see.

My heart is beating too fast, possibly because of the thick blood (from long-term oxygen deprivations or other reasons), even in a resting state. It is much lower than it was 3 weeks ago though. Doc has put me on some additional medication to try to slow it down a bit and to thin my blood. We'll see what the cardiologist has to say about everything.

I complained to the doctor about all the excess skin I suddenly have (it was all pulled tight like a sausage a few weeks ago, now it's really slack). I know it will take time to bounce back into shape, but I wanted to know what I could put on it because it's really itchy. The doc said I'd probably look like a California raisin when the water's all gone, but that we'd worry about that later.

Overall, the doc said my oxygen levels are great, and that all the test results came back much better than what he expected. He said he was a little freaked out when I came in three weeks ago, because I was practically blue. How could we have not noticed it? Was it that gradual?

So like I said, it could have been worse. I could have been this woman. Ack!!!!

Have a great weekend!

ATM