Friday, March 31, 2006
Taking Care Of Business, Part 2
I got my first complaint letter. Over a toilet seat, no less.
I am urinated off. On your toiletetty essay, I asked a legitimate question. To wit: Why don't women put the seat up for US? You ignored it and made an alternative smart-ass remark.
My complaint is this. I have asked the same legitimate question of other women AND I HAVE NEVER GOTTEN AN ANSWER. You FEMALES refuse to answer it. Every one of you pushes your IGNORE button.
So who died and made YOU the Queen of the Bathroom?
I took a squirt on the lid again
Dear Sir Squirt,
It's my blog. I can make any kind of alternative smart-ass comments I want. So there.
I will however, turn off the mute button for a moment to answer your questions.
1. Toilet seats have lids for a reason. They're not there to decorate the front of the tank.
2. My husband aims quite well. My sons aren't so great at it. Unless you wipe the rim after each use, others risk having to view stray drops or even worse, a stray drop with a pube stuck in it.
It's especially nasty (and embarrassing) if it's in a bathroom that guests also use.
3. Lids keep pets from drinking toilet water, especially if someone hasn't (gak!) flushed, or if you use those fizzy blue tablets with bleach in the bowl. And they keep small children from falling in.
4. It's common sense. You turn the light on, you turn it off when you're done. You open the door to go out, and close it behind you. You lift the seat/lid up, you put it down when you're done. What's so hard about that? Were you born in a barn? Huh? Were ya?
5. Women use the seat down to do #1 and #2.
Men (hopefully) use the seat down to do #2 and usually do a #1 when they do a #2, because it would be pretty freaking stoopid to drop a load and then stand up and turn around and lift the seat to make one's bladder gladder, now wouldn't it?
But then again, you're men. What do I know?
So theoretically, 3/4 of the time the toilet seat is used down. Why subject someone you love to pure inconsideration for the other 1/4?
And I bet dollars to donuts that the next time you race in the bathroom after eating one of Bubba's Belly Buster Burritos, you'll be happy we don't leave the seat up for ya.
6. My husband hopes to have sex with me sometime in the next century. Damn right he made me Queen.
Attila the Mom