Mummy Dearest

I love my mom. She's a wonderful woman.

But if she asked me to prop her corpse up in front of the TV after her death and live in the same house with her until she resurrected herself, I'd take her on a vacation to a nice soft hotel room with a complimentary robe that ties in the back.

A Cincinnati family and caretaker honored Johannas Pope's "wishes" by leaving her dead body in front of a running TV and air conditioner in an upstairs bedroom for 2 1/2 years. The caretaker "visited" Johannas daily, spraying her with air freshener and insecticide to deter maggots as the body decayed and then mummified.

When friends and relatives came to visit, they were told that the corpse was "too ill" to see them. The air conditioner broke 2 months ago, and old Johannas started to get a little stinky. A suspicious relative finally called the police to do a wellness check, and upon investigation, they found---well---Mummy!

No charges have been filed. The county coroner determined that Johannas died of heart disease, and there is no law in Ohio that requires the reporting of a body.

There is just so much wrong with this that I have no idea where to start.


How could any reasonable person live in a house with a decomposing corpse upstairs?

Did any of them ever manage to get a wink of sleep? Every creaking board at night would scare the crap outta me.

If I managed to snooze, I think I'd have nightmares of waking up to see a progressively decaying Mom (ala American Werewolf In London) sitting by my bed waiting to have conversations about Brad and Angelina's latest escapades.

Beyond the "ewww--dead body!" factor, you simply cannot convince me that even with the air freshener and insecticide, there was NO odor up until the time the air conditioner broke down.

How the hell could anybody eat in that house? Is that smell my roasted pork sammich, or is it eau de Mom? Yuck!

And what's with keeping the TV on all the time? Worried that she might miss the latest episode of American Idol?

I wonder if Johannas' house was paid off and caretaker and daughter were living there rent-free. I wonder if some pension or disability check cashing went on there as well--which required a living, breathing Mom to collect.

For the very life of me, I can't think of any other inducement (and even that wouldn't be enough for me!) to live in a house with a corpse.

Then again, maybe they're ALL crazier than sh*thouse rats.

So Mom, it's not that I don't love you dearly, but I hope this dispels any notion of a future move to our spare bedroom.

You might have luck with one of the siblings, though. ;-)