Sunday, July 27, 2008

Notes on Our Trip...

Trying to finish up the first leg of our trip with a few anecdotes....

The service at the Del was unbelievable for the most part. With a couple of small exceptions. When we checked in, the bellman brought our bags up, got us ice, asked us if he could have reservations made for dinner (you know ol' anal retentive me, I had a list...LOL). It was first class all the way.

We got a room in the old Victorian part of the hotel. We knew the room would be small, but it was actually a little larger than expected. The king-sized bed? Uh not really king-sized. I spent 3 nights with Hubby snoring in my face. Or into the back of my head, which made my ears vibrate.
If we had been at home in OUR king-sized bed, I could have just rolled him over.

In THIS bed, he would have needed dental work once we pried his face out of the floor.

But I have to say that the pillows were absolutely perfect, which is unusual in a hotel, in my opinion.

Secondly, what would be an Attila post without a little doody?

And that was a problem.

There WAS no doody (not the Del's fault, of course).

There was no doody for 3 days. My bowels had completely shut down. I was so blocked up, I couldn't even muster up a one-cheek sneak.

I shoveled quite a bit of fabulous food into the entrance part of my body, but nothing was exiting. I drank a lot of water. I ate my fruits and veggies. Nada. On day three, I was feeling a bit uncomfortable.

Ok, a LOT uncomfortable. I had fantasies of running to a drugstore in town, buying a bottle of Alli, and downing several capsules with a stick or two of butter as a chaser. The only problem with that scenario is that while predictable (makes you sh*t grease like the dickens), you can't set your watch to it.

I could be on one of those raft tours, feel the urge to fart, and spot-weld everybody to their seats with a flying load of lubed squid and tortilla chip shrapnel.

And the bathroom in our room wasn't helping. It was tiny. As in Clueless-Guy-Driving-A-Shiny-Corvette tiny. The toilet was right up against the wall. The toilet paper holder thingy was bolted to the back of the door. While my right leg could spread out a little for some pushing traction, my left was wedged in. On the right side, my shoulder was rammed up against the sink.
Imagine trying to do the 2 with your knees together and your arms crossed over your chest. In this bathroom, everything just had to kind of "fall out" on it's own.

Which just wasn't happening.

When I woke up at 4am on day 4 (wet buzzsaws in my face), I knew THIS would be the day. The night before, I'd overheard another guest talk about the tiny bathroom issue and how her husband just opened the door to dooky so his left leg would have somewhere to go when he dug his heels in.

I figured I could get Hubby out of the room at some point in the morning so I could get to work and void. Yes, yes, I KNOW we've been together for 15 years, but there are just some things we don't feel comfortable doing in front of each other. Laying cable is one of them.

I took a quick pee, and gak. When I flushed, the water went down and didn't come back up. I waited for the toilet to stop running and flushed again. This time it filled up to the rim. Awww crap!

At 6am, I quietly called down to the front desk and asked if they could send somebody with a plunger up.

At 7am, Hubby woke up, and naturally, needed to use the facility. I informed him it was a no-go, so he threw on his swimsuit and sweatshirt, and raced down to the first floor to find a toilet before swimming.

At 7:30am, I called again down to the front desk and asked them to send somebody with a plunger up. Told them that I could plunge the toilet myself, just please send one up.

At 8am, I ran down to the lobby to pee again. And really, don't bother asking why I didn't do the number 2 down there. If I can't do it in the same hotel room as hubby, believe me, I can't do it in a public toilet either. I stopped by the front desk and asked again for a plunger.

At 9am, Hubby was back and ready to go to brunch. We had reservations for the Del's famous Brunch in the Crown Room at 9:30, and were planning to check out at noon.

The situation wasn't yet desperate, but I could tell that the Mayor was going to be ready to hand me the keys to Pooville in the next couple of hours, so I called down again.

This time I was specific.

I haven't taken a crap in almost 4 days and I'm ready to roll! Unless you want housekeeping to have to deal with a very large and nasty surprise in the bowl after we check out, you'll get somebody up here with alacrity!

When we got back from brunch, yes, somebody had been up to clear the drains.

I sent Hubby out to buy himself a t-shirt and was able to lose about 8 pounds.


Ok, random people watching....

Hubby went down to the pool one morning and noticed a sign in front of one of the conference rooms that said "Private Function: Arizona Trial Lawyers Association".

A little while later, while he was swimming, a young woman came to the pool with 3 small children. Obviously a nanny or an au pair.

He overheard one of the tykes say to her, "If I die, you're going to owe my dad a LOT of money!"

Hubby asked her, "Trial Lawyers Association?"



P.S. The second photo is from Mc P's Irish Pub pointing out the way to the restrooms. Mc P's is a great little place on Coronado which is owned and operated by a retired Navy Seal. Great margaritas!


Pete said...

mum always had that problem on holiday.

there would be "relief" when she announced I've been

Anonymous said...

Aw...You're such a delicate flower. LOL!

Jezebel said...

Luckily, I don't have such a problem. My daughter and I can go in any bathroom. We just have to look at the sign on the restroom door and we have to go!

I'm surprised in such a hotel with such an attentive staff that it took you telling them about 'your problem' for them to get up to your room to fix the problem. Well their problem, not yours! ;)

Mind Body Shop said...

We don't make mistakes. We just have learnings.

Star said...

For some reason, whenever I travel I have similar bowel issues.

Wendy said...

Oh how funny. I have the same doody issue...I have decided my doody is partial to my toilet.

Queen Goob said...

That is one of the funniest poop stories I've read in a long time. In our household, all bodily functions are material for comedic works. Aaahhhhh, my tummy hurts from laughing!

warcrygirl said...

SQUEEE!!! Love the pics! I grew up in El Cajon and just looking at those pics makes me homesick. Also, LOVE the poo euphemisms. Getting the key from the Mayor of Pooville? I'm so stealing that from you.

Grim Reality Girl said...

Oh my goodness, I relate! There are just some things we don't need to share. Use a public restroom for the serious business? I think not! You crack me up. Also, glad I'm not that kid's nanny.

Stinkypaw said...

I just love your poo stories! For having been in the same situation many times, I totally know what you're talking about... ;-)

Brenda said...

Ha! A most excellent tale of adventure.

Green Girl in Wisconsin said...

Glad you unwound and unbound on vacation:)

Anonymous said...

i am almost peeing my pants i'm laughing so hard!!!! i have totally missed you!

just dropping by to say hey. i hope to be back in business again soon!

Ann(ie) said...

A one cheek sneak!!!! LOL. You crack me up girl. I usually have that same prob on vacation. I WISH my hubby had that problem on vacation. :) hehe.

Michael Manning said...

What an experience! You deserve another vacation just to get past this one! Best to you!!! :)

Big Pissy said...

Girl! I can go anywhere...anytime.

Irritable Bowel Syndrome does that to a person. ;-)

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Queen Goob said...

I posted a poop story just for you!

carmachu said...

what is it with you and yoru family and always talking about poop?

Cheri @ Blog This Mom! said...

Love the doody part of the tale. Says something about me, huh?

Queen of the Mayhem said...

I suffer from FPS....Foreign Potty Syndrome! I am only able to drop the deuce at home!

I am currently in counseling! :)

Joe said...

Pooville. You're killing me.
The last time we went to Disneyland my wife drank one of those 5 hour energy drinks. She says the only thing it energized were her bowels. She damn near needed Depends. Something to think about the next time your train to Pooville is delayed.