Hail to the Queens!
Queen of the Mayhem, that Beeyotch, got to get away without all the appendages and have a faboo weekend with the girls. Good for her, but I'm so jellus!
Queen Goob, who totally cracks me up, tries to survive the gas crunch by riding the bus, and gets the horny driver from hell.
Ok, I have to provide some back-story here. Especially since I promised to tell another tale of my trip to the big city.
My Mom has become a senior-citizenish coupon cultist. And then some.
Some months ago, me and the boys were up visiting and she was able to lasso a time when both my brothers would be available for a family lunch. I'd never had that particular pleasure, because I live a couple of hours away.
Usually when we're there, it's for a holiday, or a birthday, so we have big family breakfasts, or dinners (and sometimes she lets us grab the check if it's not at her house, where we all pitch in and cook the meal ourselves). I'd never actually gone out to lunch with her---at least not for YEARS (the last time I remember she offered to take me to the doc and get me on the pill---so it was like back in the dark ages).
Before we decided where to go to lunch, my older brother looked a bit glum. My younger brother looked a bit glum. Mom was tooling around in another part of the house, so I asked them what was up, and they said:
"She won't let us treat her to lunch, so since it's on her dime, she's going to pull out a coupon to some really crappy place and insist we drink water."
Now mind you, although my mom is widowed and retired, it's not like 4 bucks in soda or ice tea is going to make a difference on whether or not she's going to have to eat Alpo for the last week of the month. She's ok. And if she wasn't, she could let one of us treat her or let us pay our own way.
But that's how it went down. LOL She had coupons and insisted that water was good for us. It was weird.
Anyhoo, when the boys and I were up there a few weeks ago, we went out to dinner (my younger brother couldn't make it), so it was Mom, my older brother, me and my two boys. We went to a "really neat" Cajun/American restaurant that she and her lady friends had discovered, which was about a block from our hotel, so it was perfect.
Plus, I discreetly told the woman who seated us to make sure the check came to me. Didn't want to wrestle with my mom over it, and didn't want the boys to complain. Although I did actually order water to drink. ;-)
Finally I figured out why my Mom liked this restaurant so much.
The service was slower than a snail with broken leg thingys. I mean if they had legs.
We ordered, and then the waiter brought out two huge bread baskets for the 5 of us. They contained a variety of breads. With whipped butter.
My mom only ordered from the "small bites" menu----I thought it was because she's been dieting sorta, and admired her restraint. Me? I was hungry, dammit, so I ordered a big-ass beef sandwich au jus with cole slaw. The kids ordered similarly, and my brother ordered jambalaya.
So while we were waiting, everybody attacked the bread baskets. There were baguettes of hot french bread, some kind of carrot cake bread, and some other sweet bread. With whipped butter.
I was surprised frankly to see Mom dig in. I had two pieces (waiting for dinner), and the guys and Mom demolished everything else.
About 15 minutes later, Mom flagged down a waiter and asked for more bread. They brought out two more huge baskets. With whipped butter.
Mom and the guys had a chance to take like one more piece each, and then our dinners came.
I ate my slaw and a half of my sandwich (it was cut in two). Then I was stuffed. My older brother was so full, he only ate half of his entree. Big Kid ate some of his fries and only half of HIS sandwich. Little Guy, of course (has sensory integration issues) ate everything on his plate, but felt a bit ill later.
Mom picked at her entree. She was already full of bread. LOL
Soooooo.....when it was all over.....Mom and my older brother (who lives with my mom) took home almost Mom's entire entree of salmon and some kind of pilaf, the other half of my brother's jambalaya, half of my roast beef sandwich (with the au jus in a little styrafoam container), half of Big Kid's sandwich and the rest of his fries, and the rest of the two bread baskets---which contained like 12 pieces of bread. And the rest of the whipped butter.
But back to the Fug.
The day after I got back, I went and visited Queen of Planet Hot Flash's blog.
I laughed so hard I almost peed myself. Not being cliche. I mean it.
Because no matter where we are, or what we do, I saw US in there. Now go here, and then here, and then there.
You think YOU have momster probs, then you have to check this out.In my life, I can get down on my knees and feel grateful that I'm not related to Queen's MIL.
But damn, it's butt-fugly and funny as all get out. LOL