Tuesday, July 15, 2008

The Run Down Cougar Canyon

If you're tuning in late, read the previous post.

Hubby and I are trying not to act too shocked about this whole thing. I suspect that Hubby is saying to himself---like commenter Just Bob---(Damn! Where were all the cougars and horny high school teachers when I was growing up?), so I don't allow him to be very indignant about this.

And since the woman in question is his age, I just don't think it's appropriate for him to comment too much on it.

Not that he would, I don't think---he's really a conservative and somewhat uh prissy guy, but over the years, I've run into ::koff:: "gentleman" (some were friends of my dad who didn't consider that the small fry---mainly me---were listening) pontificate about the wear and tear and saggage of women of a certain age, while complacently ignoring the fact that they had bigger titties, droopier butts and prolly hadn't seen their own peckers that were damply moldering under their beer bellies for at least a decade.

Ever hear the old joke--and truly, I'm not trying to pick on Donald Trump since I made the comment about his hair in the last post---and his divorce from Marla Maples?

Did you know that Donald divorced Marla because she violated their prenuptial agreement?

Yep. She turned 30.

But I guess when I cheered Demi and Ivana for marrying their cabana boys, I should have figured that at some point I'd have to put my money where my mouth is. Karma is weird that way.

And Ouch.

Sooooo....knowing first hand how sad and achingly lonely Big Kid has been, I'm not going to put up a full-frontal opposition to any of it. If I do, with his issues, I can't think of anything that will make him more determined to hang in there and see it through.

If it works out and he's happy, then what more could I ask for?

He's been so sad for so long.

If it doesn't work out, then it's a different and hopefully informative life experience under his belt.

I'm pleasant when she calls, but no, I'm not inviting her to Sunday dinner. Nor am I going to facilitate any of it by being his mommy-cab and driving him down to the city for a date. They're grown-ups and can figure it all out for themselves.

By the same token, he has to realize that I'm uncomfortable with this, and if he wants to have hearts-to-hearts about it, he has to be ready to take the flak from everybody. If Ashton Kutcher can do it, why can't he?

Random comments from the peanut gallery so far:

Big Kid's therapist: Run, don't walk away from this!

Big Kid's Friend: Does she have all of her own teeth?

Big Kid: Do you know how I could find out?

Big Kid: Did you ever see that movie Harold and Maude (he's apparently been primed on this--and she hasn't heard about Mrs. Robinson)?

Me: Yes. But obviously you haven't.

Big Kid: Well it's about an older woman and a younger man.

Me: Yeah, and after they have sex, she kills herself. You think that will be good for your self-esteem?

Hubby (to Big Kid): Maybe you're confused about her interest in you. Maybe she just wants someone to do yardwork.

Big Kid: I'm pretty sure that was a date.

Hubby: Are you positive she didn't ask you to trim her bushes?

Big Kid: No, she didn't.

Me: Well if she does, make sure she specifies what bushes she needs trimmed, ok?

Big Kid (not recognizing the whooshing sound over his head): What are you guys talking about?

Big Kid: I'm feeling sad. She's been working all day and I haven't gotten a chance to talk to her.

Me: Call one of your grandmas. They'd be thrilled to hear from you and you never know---you might just get that same warm, fuzzy feeling.

Big Kid (to me): I was thinking that maybe the two of you could be good buddies because you're close in age.

Me: My good buddies and I mainly talk about our children and sex. She'll probably want to hear about that poop chunk you left on the back of the toilet seat last week as much as I'll want to hear that you don't know where her clitoris is.

Bah! Who's going to volunteer to shoot me? Just shoot me now!


BaLQiz said...

The random comments from peanut gallery seriously funny! *koff *koff okay... not wanting to sound insensitive of your problem... err cheer up! At least the woman is not my grandmother! *koff *koff okay... not funny to joke about this matter... ahem... so where did I put the remote control again?

Missicat said...

I honest to G-d don't know what to say....except: please keep us updated!
The comments are hysterical. At least you still have your sense of humor (?)

Green Girl in Wisconsin said...

Bwahahahaha--moldering penises. You kill me.

Your grace under the circumstances is remarkable.

QueenofPlanetHotflash said...

I have to give it to you because I would be asking the um, err "lady" wtf is up.
Demi with Ashton, both are rich so sheor he can fix her drooping, sagging and etc. Ivanna she buys her lovin. Just hate for big guys heart to get hurt and for him to feel worse than he did before Mrs. Robinson came into his life.
But we all live and learn, sometimes the hard way huh.

QueenofPlanetHotflash said...

P.S. There is something over at my place for you :)

litzi said...

Hi Attila,
LMAO over the random comments from the peanut gallery and I admire your subtleness in dealing with the issue. If it doesn’t work out, then it’s a different and hopefully informative life experience under his belt…it might also sour Big Kid from establishing another relationship with a woman if this goes South of the Border (akin to trimming her bushes) and peters out. What do a 40 something year old woman and a 21 year old man have in common to maintain a meaning relationship over the long term besides that?? I can understand Big Kid jumping on the band wagon and basking in the attention, but what’s with her? Is her biological clock getting close to midnight and she’s panicking? Does she disdain men closer to her age? Something stinks and it’s not my tennis shoes…

Here’s something for Big Kid: Mrs. Robinson

TraceyTreasure said...

I would never shoot you!! What would we do without you?? I DO however, know a guy, that knows a guy..... you know?? What's her name?? Bwahahahaha.....I am TOTALLY JOKING!! ;)


(P.S. That was a joke people!!, PA-LEASE!!)

Please keep us posted!! This could happen to me!! I'll need to know how to handle it!! Best Wishes!!

litzi said...

Hi Attila,
Have you and Mr. Attila considered getting one of those online background searches done on Mrs. Robinson? I realize it can be a bit pricey, but it might be worth it. Perhaps she’s got a history of pursuing (preying on) gullible young men and Big Kid is just one in a cast of hundreds. Hopefully she doesn’t have an ulterior motive, but being more than twice his age strikes me as peculiar….

Stinkypaw said...

Wow! I really don't know what to tell you but to hang in there, and maybe ask this "lady" what her intentions are considering Big Kid's issues. Does she have issues herself that you know of, beside "dating" your son?

Queen of the Mayhem said...

"She'll probably want to hear about that poop chunk you left on the back of the toilet seat last week as much as I'll want to hear that you don't know where her clitoris is."

This last statement has me about to wet my pants!

GOOD LORD what a predicament! I can't even IMAGINE!
Hang in there.....and I just might drink a cocktail in your honor tonight!

Chris H said...

What would be wrong with good old fashioned CONFRONTATION with the stooopid tart? Hell, he's a vulnerable young man, what the hell does she think she's doing??? You would be totally within your rights to go talk to her and set her right! Cradle snatching is one thing... but she's old enough to be his mother for christ's sake! Well that's what I would do anyway.

Michele said...

I have no words - other than to say, I hope Logan and Joseph remain 6 & 8 for the next couple of decades.

Beth said...

Yet another hurdle/life experience for you all. I so admire your sense of humour and ability to stand back and "let him go." (While knowing you'll inevitably be there to pick up the pieces...)

TotalChaos said...

Sheesh, I know it's a problem for a Mom, but back in the day, quite a few days ago, I was in his predickament, but it became a very good way of life. Not going to tell the whole story, but the first led to more, that led to 8 years and a variety of women. One at a time of course. But, they were happy, and I was happy. As far as I'm concerned it helped me a lot when I finally married at 32, and have been happily married for 30 years. Different strokes for different folks. Luckily my Mom knew nothing of this since I lived 900 miles away.

Anonymous said...


Really, that's all I've got... GAH!!!!

Oh, and empathy - I've got that, sister. Bucketloads. Doesn't she have kids of her own? Like, maybe a daughter?

just bob said...

I hope you take this in the spirit it is intended. I haven't followed your blog for long, so I'm not familiar with the issues "Big Kid" may be dealing with other than the anxiety and shyness you mentioned in the previous blog. If my comment seemed flippant and insensitive to his difficulties then I do apologize. I didn't intend to offend you or "Big Kid."

Having said that, I do still wish some cougar would have looked me up when I was an awkward 20-something year old. Good luck dealing with this challenge you are currently facing.

Anonymous said...

I admire how you are dealing with it, it must be so very difficult. We want our kids to be safe and happy but I know how painful this would be if his heart got broke. Letting it play itself out, with your watching eyes, seems like the only way to go. It is a very good thing you have a great sense of humor. If you couldn't laugh at this, it would not be pretty.

Take care of yourself. Thinking of you.

Jennifer McKenzie said...

You know what? You're amazing!!!!! I would SO be nipping this in the bud. You're so much better than I.
I aspire to be more like you, Great Master Atilla!!

Kim Ayres said...

As my wife is 10 years older than me but we've been together for nearly 18 years, married for nearly 13, have 2 beautiful children and are intensly in love with each other, I find it difficult to offer any kind of suggestions.

But I love your humour, as always :)

carmachu said...

your husband's joke was really funny.

Good luck!

mrsb said...

I've actually been waiting to see how you would handle this, lol! I think you are handling it so well.

I've often told people, when they cringe over the comments I make, that if you don't keep your sense of humor, you'll just go crazy.

I'm glad I'm not the only mom doing it!

Valerie Marie said...

Last year I have see a lot of news about female teachers / teenage students. When I spoke about this phenomenon with my brother, he said that he would have wish to have such a teacher when he was 16-17...
I'm worry about Big Kid. He could be hurt (sigh) Please think about a check on the "cougar" ... I feel that it is not "normal" for a 40+ woman to answer on Myface to a 21 year old man... but it's only me. ((BK))
p.s. "Make sure she specifies what bushes she needs trimmed, ok?" LMAO! Love you!!!!

Brenda said...

Thank God for your sense of humor. Love the conversations you guys have been having.I'm not sure what I'd do in this situation, probably cry a lot, and often.

Queen Goob said...

Honey, I'm not gonna shoot you but I WILL pour a crap load of shots so that we can spend the evening talking about "The Sabertooth."

.....hear about the poop chunk you left on the back of the toilet seat...... LMAO!

La La said...

LMAO! You have such a great sense of humor! Really. I'm laughing so hard at your peanut gallery comments.

I can imagine that it can't be easy to let him find out for himself. Whew!

Bless you!

litzi said...

Hi TotalChaos,
Your Mom didn’t know about your peccadilloes at the time; did you ever tell her or Petunia? He, he, he! You sly dog!