Saturday, June 28, 2008

Don't Drink the Koolaid!

In the news:

Dallas Residents See Crash Test Dummy and Umbrella Mouth Gulper Eel In Granite Slab!

Ha, you think that would actually make print on even a slow news day?

Does anyone really believe either of the Simpson sisters has talent?

But change it to Dallas Residents See Jesus in Granite Slab and you've got a headline!

(This was obviously brought to you by the same folks who mistook images of Scott Hamilton and Kristi Yamaguchi trapped in a potato as one of the Messiah.)

Hey, you doofs. If you have faith, you don't need to see an image of Christ on a cracker to affirm your belief in the Almighty. Go outside and roll around on the grass at morning, noon or night. Behold the majesty of a spectacular sunrise---or clouds drifting across an azure sky---or the blaze of color in a stunning sunset. Contemplate the life and workings of a lowly ant that crawls across your path.


If you need a miracle, go hold your child or your grandchild in your arms and breathe in the smell of them. Touch their hands and marvel in the flesh made from your flesh. Wonder at how their fingers, or their hair, or their eyes are like yours, and how your own might resemble those of your ancestors before you.

If you aren't a believer, well the above is still pretty cool stuff, however you might explain it.

But who in the heck needs a granite slab or a potato or a piece of toast to tell them that miracles exist?

Sheesh.

23 comments:

Kim Ayres said...

Did you ever see the Jesus on a dog's ass photo?

Attila The Mom said...

Oh. My. Dog. Bwaaaaaaaa!!!

Brenda said...

AMEN!!

litzi said...

Hi Attila,
A lot of people can’t or won’t do a bit of introspection and recognize the everyday “miracles” that life affords them. They feel compelled to bestow the wonders of creation and the universe on a “higher” power. Some individuals aren’t willing to accept how much sway they have over their own destinies. Perhaps it’s easier to allow others to fulfill their dreams. Then if things don’t work out for them, there’s someone else to blame…

Half rabbit said...

That's not Jesus. It's ATTILA THE MOM. Can't you see you see their gun and thigh plate. They're coming after me for not sending a weekly tribute of coupons. Please forgive me. I'll do anything nooooo......

QueenofPlanetHotflash said...

AMEN SISTAH!!

Attila The Mom said...

Hand over the coupons, Bucko, and nobody gets hurt! LOL

Doug Dog said...

My mom used to send me to Sunday school and church when I was growing up, but she never went herself. She said that she didn’t need a church to understand the workings of God, nor did she need “miracles” either; just look at the sky, the Grand Canyon, children, etc.

I don’t understand this habit of looking for images in everything. Is it really necessary in order to have faith? Take responsibility for your own knowledge and understanding, without relying upon crutches for everything.

litzi said...

Hi Attila,
If my feeble brain remembers correctly, there was a blogger by the name of “Jesús Toast” (or something akin to that) a while back. “Miracles” and “sightings” are colossal events in the Latino community…they desperately need something to inspire hope and dignity into their lives. Apparently several of the Catholic churches in my area have been blessed with visions of Saints for a few select parishioners.

Reality bites. If visions are able to provide a belief in something better around the next corner, far-out.

TraceyTreasure said...

Great post Attila, great post! :)

Hugs!

Grim Reality Girl said...

AGREED! Great post Attila! I agree so whole heartedly with your list of miracles and appreciation of cool stuff. Every day offers us tiny miracles -- it is in paying attention that we notice them.

phlegmfatale said...

Yeah, weeping Virgin Mary on a tortilla or a tree stump.

The marble slab is SO Dallas.

Jennifer McKenzie said...

I don't get the need to "see" a miracle. Why? When there are so many miracles every day?
Well, why are we surprised when stories about Jamie Lynne's pregnancy are huge seller.
*shakes head*
Did you happen to note that ABCFamily channel is pimping a new series called "Secrets of the American Teenager" which features a teen.....wait for it.....getting pregnant.
I was pretty disgusted. With the seventeen teens in Maine making the news cycle, their timing sucks ass.
*rant over*

Queen Goob said...

I'm diggin' your church, better than any I've attended in the last ten years. Of course who couldn't pray at the alter of Cujo? Of course just last night I commented to my son over dinner how much his chicken wings resembled Moses and the burning bush.

I looked, my dog is toting a picture of Jesus, too! And don't tell me you didn't look at your dog's butt!

Jezebel said...

That's just something I've always wanted to see - a dog's rectum and hind quarters resembling Jesus. I'm gonna' have to take a closer look at my dog's ass too. ;)

Stinkypaw said...

Oh dear Gawd! The things people will do for a little attention! Sad! The biggest miracle I've had so far, and seeing so many stoopid people making it through life!

marymurtz said...

It looks like Jesus getting ready to put gas in an SUV.

Valerie Marie said...

Dear ATM!
Since I have read your post, I have to look at every dog's derriere...
thank you sooooo much!

mrsb said...

As part of my religious beliefs, I do see deity in the clouds, the sky, etc.

But when I looked at that rock...I saw Jesus! Lolz.

Missicat said...

One question I always want to ask folks who "see" Jesus in every puddle - HOW DO YOU KNOW WHAT HE LOOKS LIKE??? Sorry for the all caps...but - there aren't exactly any photos laying around, right?
And no, I am not going home and checking my cat's butt. Not for anyone! :-)

Green Girl in Wisconsin said...

A huge "AMEN" from the choir coming at ya!

LaskiGal said...

"If you need a miracle, go hold your child" . . . perfectly said.

A cracker, come on . . .

phlegmfatale said...

Looks like Jesus is pumping gas. I'll bet he's taking his own name in vain when he sees the total.