I used to think that eyeballs were the creepiest thing in the world. Now after my foray into heavy-duty diuretics and the world of public restrooms, I've changed my mind.
It's a toilet seat that's been warmed up by someone else's bare butt. Aiighhh!
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I've been putting together a rotating chore schedule for when THD gets here (Little Guy is thrilled that someone else will get to take a turn emptying the dishwasher) and it occurred to me that this "citizen of the household" thing is kind of stupid. The theory behind it is that since we all contribute to the mess in communal areas (we all eat, track in dirt, generate garbage, etc) as opposed to personal messes (the only one who cleans Hubby's bathroom is Hubby), we all take turns cleaning it up as "citizens of the household".
This is something we've done as soon as the guys were big enough to empty a bathroom-sized trashcan, so it's nothing new. I've never been June Cleaver---following my family around with a Hoover.
I realized that all the guys (even Hubby) expect effusive thanks and praise when they've taken their turn, as if they're doing me a huge favor. Has anybody ever said, "Thanks Hon for doing a nice job on the dishes"? No. But if I'm not there with the "atta boys" I get treated to pouts and pointed silence.
You've come a long way, Baby! Not! What have I done? Aiighhhh!
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A few weeks ago I reached under my pillow to pull out the end of my nose hose (I tuck it in there to keep it from falling on the floor) while I was getting ready for bed. My hand closed around something crackly and I pulled out a ginormous squirming spider.
Now I have to tear the entire bed apart every single night before I get into it. Aigggggghhh!
Got Aiiggghhhh!!!? Love to hear it!
20 comments:
I don't thank my wife for doing the laundry or cooking dinner, although I will comment on the dinner. She doesn't thank me for doing the dishes or cooking dinner, although she may comment on the dinner.
Only thing I find under my pillow is my wife's kleenex. The bed is her job. This summer will mark 29 years of communal living, we did marry within 6 months of her moving in to her father's relief, and we have long since worked out minor details such as chores and the toilet seats will be left down.
Two things:
My husband thinks I should alert the media every time he lifts a finger around the house, yet doesn't blink an eye when I've spend two hours on my hands and knees scrubbing floors. Why do they do that??? It's infuriating.
And the spider? Oh. My. God. I will now have nightmares for a week. I can't imagine anything worse! "Crackly"... *shudder*
The spider would have finished me up. I'm shivering now just thinking about it.
I'm trying to get it through these dense male heads around here that there wouldn't be 1001 messes every day if they'd pick up after themselves. No luck.
Eeewwww on the "warmed up public toilet." I nearly lost my breakfast!
The spider I can handle. It's gross, but I'm pretty damn tough in the spider department if I do say so myself!
As for chores, I SUCK at keeping things in order, but I live alone so I'm the only one who has to tolerate my mess!
In my classroom, though, I can't stand the messes my kiddos make. I'm constantly nagging on them!
One night I was laying in bed when I felt something on my neck so I smacked it only to feel something so I got out of bed with my hand still on my neck and found a big ass spider smushed under my fingers.
Warm Toilets, Creating Chorelist and Scary Spiders. OH MY!
The crackly bit got me. AIIGH!
I paid for a pole barn, for my son to put his project truck under. He asked when I was going to sweep the slab.
The spider thing? Now I have to check my bed as well. Spiders aren't much an issue here, but palmetto bugs are.
Man, the biggest AIGGHH in the world for me is a toilet seat - public or otherwise - that has those little droplets on it. Oh. Fucking. EW.
Yes, I have held my pee for hours and hours instead of using bathrooms because someone else who was in there before me had the urethral equivalent of a firehose. NASTY.
(I'm back online. W00T!)
A while ago, I was tangentially involved in a blog piece about the value of having a cleaning lady.
"Cleaning lady?" I said. "Cleaning LADY? My wife told me that's what husbands are for!"
I really like the language of "citizens of the household." That describes the way we do things. My wife cooks, cleans, does dishes. I say "Thanks," because I'm (more or less) civilized. I cook, clean, do dishes. My wife say "Thanks," because she's (more or less) civilized. Whoever does whatever is just part of looking after the house, and each other. But we appreciate each other's contribution to the overall enterprise, and say, "Thanks," for doing the task.
Is there something wrong with all that?
Rob-bear:
Absolutely not! That's the whole idea behind the "citizens of the household" thing! You and your wife seem to "get it" perfectly!
I've just found that I seem to be the only one who hands out the "attaboys!" in my house. So I'm wondering if my doing that has set up a pattern where all my guys think they're doing ME a favor by taking care of their share of the "citizen" business.
Thanks so much for your response. Looking forward to exploring your blog(s)!
ATM
i don't know why we need the atta-boy for doing the smallest chore...but somehow it's so helpful...who knows why.
I'm wirh you on eyes...always grossed me out...and as for toilet seats...i totally avoid them! yikes!
Dave doesn't help much with housework, but he is awesome at feeding Max, so that's a lot.
I squirmed about the spider!
Here's mine (I may not have had my Primal Scream Friday but, of course, I have developed one since yesterday):
I thought I was developing a cold. But no. It is honest-to-god ALLERGIES. And it's only March 7. All I want to do is snort and sleep. ALIGHHH!!!!
I have a cpap machine so I tuck my hose under my pillow too... your spider story has me FREAKED. The only upside I can find here is that my cpap forces me to sleep with my mouth closed, hence I am not eating as many spiders in my sleep as the average person. Yeah... small comfort, but it IS a comfort to me.
I've got my "AIGGGGGGGGGH" on my blog.
I have NOT been able to get my family to help me do anything. And if I did the "Citizens" thing, my husband would scream "Socialism!!!!!" and it would be all over.
Ewwwwwww about the spider.
That spider is major Aiggggghhh!
I could do without toilet seats, I squat where ever I go (except home, of course!)... I know, I'm weird. ;-)
So now I will have nightmares of spiders for the next week! I have actually woke up in the middle of the night, kicked the cats off the bed, ripped the covers off, and threw my pillow across the room thinking that there was a spider on me...
Toilet seats in public are just as scary.
I seem to be having frequent Aiigghhh! moments lately. My most recent? I finally stubbed my toe on the ever-increasing stash of empty beer cartons in the laundry room. There will be no more asking politely for their removal – let the shouting begin.
I see the paper picked up your story. I certainly hope The Board pulls it's collective head out of it's a**. Good luck!
the spider thing just about made me pass out. i felt my eyeballs (speaking of which) begin to roll...
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