The Adventures of Attila and the Screaming O

I really debated over whether or not to write about this, but in the end, I just couldn't stop myself. What's a little humiliation between friends?

Hubby has been back east all week and will make it home in the wee hours tonight just in time to greet THD when he gets here tomorrow. But while he was gone, I had a little adventure of my own. ;-)

Back before the doctor cleared me for--er--moderate exercise, I was complaining a little bit about it to a friend of mine. Being the thoughtful person that she is, she sent me a gift basket with a bunch of "pamper-me" items---bath bombs, lotions, neat stuff like that.

And a little vibrator. Snarf.

Not being very familiar with those kinds of appliances (hey! no snickering in the peanut gallery!), Hubby and I had a big giggle over the name of it---The Screaming O---as we marveled over all the features ("Wow, it's got a strap to stick your finger in! Look! All you have to do is push on the bottom to turn it on! It's so small I could pick my nose with it! I could pick YOUR nose with it!)

Then we turned it on, stuck it under the sheet on the bed and laughed our heinies off as our dog kept pouncing on it and snarling in fury as she attempted to kill it.

We are easily amused.

I don't really remember what we did with it after that, and I was a little surprised to find it under the couch yesterday as I was picking up stuff before vacuuming. It had some teeth marks on it, so I suspect that somehow the dog had finally gotten a hold of it and dragged it under there to chew up. When it didn't fight back she gave up.

I stuck it in my pocket (didn't want the Little Guy to find it, because then I'd have to explain it, and he'd probably tell everybody at school and wouldn't THAT be embarrassing) and finished cleaning.

A couple of hours later I walked up to the mailboxes at the top of the road to get the mail. Ran into an elderly neighbor of ours who was walking her dog. I chatted with her for a minute and reached into my pocket for my mailbox key.

That Screaming O fell out onto the ground.

Not only did it fall on the ground, but it landed on the end where you turn it on and STARTED VIBRATING!

If that wasn't bad enough, my neighbor bent over and picked it up! While it was vibrating. I almost died.

She looked at it curiously and said, "I had no idea these came in blue!" Then she pushed the bottom and turned it off.

Before she handed it to me, she examined the teeth marks and said, "Looks like it's time to get a new one, Dear."

I can't imagine what she must have been thinking (especially the teeth marks). Worse yet, I can't believe she knew that it came in colors and how to turn it off.

I think I'm going to become a hermit. For the rest of my life.

I mean it.