Saturday, October 25, 2008
When the kids were younger, we had a small TV/VCR we installed in the back of the SUV for long road trips. Now it is gracing a prime viewing spot in front of his toilet, complete with remote control.
WTF is up with that? I can't decide if he doesn't want to miss a chance of dumping an actual doody every time he views Keith Olbermann or a shrieking Chris Matthews, or is afraid to miss a play on any of the bazillion football games that are shown on Saturday, Sunday and of course, Monday night.
I'm kind of afraid to ask. But I will if I find a stash of beer and chips in there.
Dilemma of the day:
You're in the bathtub. No kids or dogs or husband yapping away demanding your attention.
It's just you, your favorite bath oil, a fabulous book, a glass of wine, and an hour to enjoy yourself.
Just as you get in and get comfortable, you pull an Attila and sneeze. Chunks and snot all over your hand and arm.
Your towel is too far to reach. Toilet paper is across the bathroom. The outside hand you need to hoist yourself out of the tub with is the one that was violated, and you have to get the crap off so you don't slip and break a rib or 4. Calling the kid in to help would make him go blind.
Choices that come to mind?
1) Wipe it off on the shower curtain.
2) Stick your arm in the water and splash it around and then try to avoid that slimy jellyfish looking thing while you're busy trying to get the hell out of the tub.
3) Call your dog and hope that she's like Lassie and will bring you a scrap of toilet paper. Since she's in the habit of pulling paper out of the trash and chewing it into bits and all. When she doesn't, call her in a baby voice, entice her over and wipe it in her fur. Then enjoy your bath and wash her when you get out.
4) Scrape it off on the side of the tub and clean it up later. Keep eyeballing it to make sure it doesn't slide down and get you.
5) Wipe it off on the top of your head and then get up and wash it out in the shower when you're done relaxing.
feh. What would you do?
How come it seems like the only people who say "it's all about the money with you" are the people who owe you money? Since I've been taking Contract Law this semester, I've been paying a lot of attention when watching the court shows and in my own personal sphere as well.
Why is it that when you go out with some friends or family members (I'm being general here so the guilty can't complain that I'm targeting them while they know that I'm targeting them) and it's time to pony up shares on the bill, one invariably comes up short and nonchalantly shrugs it off with, "well, it's only 16 bucks."
Then they get offended if you point out that since it's "ONLY 16 bucks", then they won't have any problem coming up with it.
Wait. You mean it's "only 16 bucks" if it's MY 16 bucks? But if it's YOUR 16 bucks you won't be able to pay your rent/feed your kids/heat your home that month? Your world will completely collapse into financial disaster?
I certainly didn't break your arm and make you order the appetizer, t-bone and dessert. Oh, and two cocktails.
Don't invite me out and then expect it to be my treat. Only my children get to do that.
If you eat a handful of dried Wasabi peas as a snack, it's a really bad idea to use that hand to wipe your eyes when they start to water. Trust me.
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Ok, I couldn't resist. This is very cute. I spent far too much time on it. Turn up your sound and click on things in the room. Maverick!!
Well it could have been worse. West Virginia police arrested a man for DUI. While being fingerprinted, the suspect sidled over and farted on the officer.
He was charged with Battery.
The investigating officer remarked in the criminal complaint that the odor was very strong and "put a hurtin' on my nose".
Later, the assistant prosecutor dropped the charge.
Thank heavens for that! I've been kind of afraid to leave the house lately since I too carry a capricious weapon of mass destruction in my pants.
Although I would never actually go up to someone and spot weld them on purpose.
Unless we were married.
I didn't actually mean to have 2 Sarah Palin articles mentioned, but the nuttiness was just too good to pass up.
I don't know which is scarier---That a bar owner decided he had to paint a nude picture of Sarah Palin to grace his wall...
Or that he used his own daughter as his nekkid model.
My eyes! My eyes! And an icepick to the brain. Please!!
Friday, October 17, 2008
Yesterday afternoon, before Hubby got home, he was helping me crawl on the floor looking for 3 missing pills (so the dogs wouldn't find and eat them).
Big Kid had been over earlier (sporting a new dyed-red mohawk and eyebrow piercing courtesy of a jobless dope-smoking bum who sponges off his folks and lives in the same apartment complex, but that's another story) and had hurled his pill box into the wall sending about 100 of them flying across the room. After we got them picked up and the box reassembled, we counted 3 pills missing.
Anyway we spent about 10 minutes in a fruitless search, and Little Guy blurted out, "Mom, do you still love me even if I have autism?"
Whoa. That's a new one. Where in the world did this come from? And how do I react without overreacting?
I assured him that I would always love him just the way he is.
"Even if I talk funny and have a hard time getting words out?"
(P.S. From a query I got in email, saying that it sounds like from my response to Little Guy that I thought autism was a bad or defective thing, I thought I'd elaborate a little on the conversation. I responded with, "Well I have freckles, I'm tall and I have a big butt. Do you still love me?" He said he did and by the way he loves my messy hair and did I know that I have a pimple, and I said that he will always be my baby boy and I love every single inch of him forever and always even when he forgets to clean out his ears. Yes, we are demented that way. I wanted him to see that having autism was one of many differences people have and didn't enter into the equation with more value than anything else)
This is a pretty big developmental step for him. He's never seemed to notice the differences between himself and others (or wasn't able to articulate it), and always seemed to be confident in our unconditional love for him.
So we spent a little face time talking about how everyone is different, and everyone is uniquely beautiful and made cupcakes and ate chocolate frosting out of the jar.
Nothing like frosting out of the jar.
I just wanted to take a moment to let all of YOU know that YOU'RE beautiful too.
Found this incredible production through Dave Hingsburger and Ashley's Mom.
Hope you all have a great weekend!
Sunday, October 12, 2008
Saturday, October 11, 2008
An 8th-grade girl took nekkid pictures of herself and sent them to multiple boys in her school via cellphone.
One 13-year-old boy has been arrested and suspended from school on child pornography charges for having her pictures in his phone. The police and school officials aren't commenting on whether or not charges will be filed against the other recipients.
Of course, not a damn thing on whether or not the sender will be charged for transmitting child porn. Our laws prolly haven't been caught up to speed on that.
Call me an old fogey, but I can only think of very few things a kid that age needs a cell-phone for.
1) When I need to find you.
2) When you need to find me.
3) If there's trouble.
Texting? Lrn 2 wrte lttrs n use a stmp. Photos? Bite me. Get them a basic phone.
Waste money on the bells and whistles? There will be videos on Youtube of your genius sprogling either drowning the neighbor's poodle or burning his asshairs while he and his friends light their farts. Don't whine.
You asked for it.
Next on the list is this poor guy in the UK.
He has an allotment (which is kind of foreign to us in the U.S.) that he uses to grow vegetables. It's like a community garden, except that he leases a space to grow his own.
Anyhoo, Bill Malcolm has been targeted by thieves 3 times in the last 4 months. They've broken into his shed, stolen his tools and ransacked his garden.
So he put up a 3-foot barbed-wire fence to try to protect his work, and to deter those who are intent on mischief.
His district council has ordered him to remove the fence, lest would-be thieves or vandals "scratch themselves on it and sue".
Why would someone steal 15 newspaper vending machines? Why not just break into them? Those machines are huge. And what would be the return? If on a weekday they hold say---100 papers---at 50 cents a holler, how efficient is that? Then again, being a coupon shopper, if they all held Sunday papers at a buck a shot plus coupons, maybe it's more lucrative.
I don't think this thief thought it all the way through. He brought all the machines (looted them of quarters and papers) and left them in a motel room he rented with his own real name. Doh!
Thanks all for your kind and caring comments and emails. Still recovering, but had some serious issues that needed to be taken care of regarding Little Guy's transitional placement for the year. Had to pull out the killer bunny slippers again, scrape the rust off the Attila armor, open my rolodex (yes, that archaic old thing), and break my foot off in a couple of asses.
Didn't want to share anything about it here, simply because for the most part we've had a great experience in this school district with Little Guy and things didn't start going to hell in a handbasket until late last spring. We were hoping that things would shape up this fall, but it simply didn't happen on its own.
I've been in a major funk about it for the last few weeks along with the physical problems.
Glad to say that between Hubby (reasonably explaining that although the majority of the team that met for the Little Guy's IEP last spring no longer worked for the district and how we had agreed to adjourn it until this fall so that we could figure out what vocational training opportunities were available and what his schedule would look like) and I ("Do you think we made this adjournment up? Do you think we would agree to a year of lessons on how to do laundry, load the dishwasher and other crap he's been doing on his own for the last 5 years?" or "What does any of this have to do with training him for a vocation? Don't make me tear your head off and shit down your neck, because ninjas don't have nothing on me!") we got the job done.
Isn't that the longest sentence you've ever read? ;-)
Anyways, it's all good. We had our ducks in a row (Colorado Department of Education and the school superintendent on board) before the meeting, and it turns out it was just more of a miscommunication problem with the changing of staff then anything else.
It's a load off my mind.
Friday, October 03, 2008
But it was curious and curiouser.
So I've been noticing things that are somewhat "curiouser".
Like last night's debate amongst the VP candidates Joe Biden and Sarah Palin.
Now don't take ANY of this as an endorsement of either side. Not going to get into any kind of argument. These are just observations. And we recorded the debate as soon as I started scratching my head, thinking, "WTF?" so I'm more than happy to go back and double-check.
When asked about their roles as VP, Sen. Biden said something like "Presidential Candidate Obama and I have talked about my role, and I'm going to "help" him govern. So I'll be sitting in on all the decision-making."
What in the hell WAS that? Since when does a VP "help" govern? I'm not even going to reference Dubya, simply because that mess will take years to figure out. But I don't seem to remember Al Gore taking credit (or blame) for any of Bill Clinton's decisions as President (although he DID invent the Internet). And Dan Quayle before him?
Great googly moogly. We didn't watch any of the ::koff:: "experts" who try to "interpret" what we just saw for ourselves for us (we changed the channel and watched Tabitha's Salon Takeover where Tabitha bitchslapped some stylist for pulling a client's head back so she could wipe her nose on the towel around said client's neck) , but I guess I'll find out in the morning if anybody else caught this.
As far as Gov. Palin went, Hubby and I kept laughing about how much she resembled Tina Fey from Saturday Night Live "doing" her. Which is weird. Sarah Palin spot on her mark as Tina Fey doing Sarah Palin. ;-)
Both instances are curious and curiouser.
Lastly, while I was down for the count, I WAS able to chat on the phone and caught up with a few friends. Had a conversation with one which left me scratching my head a bit on the curious scale.
Her hubby was having a shitfit over bread, and she was a bit annoyed herself. Over bread.
Now if you are the family shopper, you know that there are oodles of kinds of bread. But let's just talk about plain white sandwich bread.
On the low end of the scale, you get generic bread. It's really cheap, it works, but doesn't have a great mouth texture.
Next up is the store brand bread. It's a better quality than the generic, and usually costs around 30 to 50 cents more a loaf.
Then higher up you get the really "deluxe" textured stuff like WonderBread or Sara Lee, which generally costs about twice the store brand.
Last but not least, you get specialty loaves of "old fashioned" white bread made from the same company that produces potato bread, gourmet rye or pumpernickel, 5-grain, oat bread, etc which is even more.
We usually buy the store brand, which passes the mouth test in our family, or Sara Lee if it's on sale. In our opinion, the generic bread is crap and nobody likes it.
So anyway, my friend's hubby did the shopping one week with a list that friend sent him with. They have 3 teenagers who are busy and thankfully independent. Part of that glorious independence is that they make their own breakfasts and sack lunches for school.
Hubby came home from shopping with two loaves of white bread. One was the crappy generic brand, and the other was the high-end "old-fashioned". Note: He could have two loaves of the same kind of store brand bread for the same price. Both loaves went into the bread box.
Come the weekend, Hubby decides to make himself a sammich. All that is left in the bread box is the loaf of generic bread, which nobody has touched, because the 3 kids have used the other bread for their lunches during the week. And he goes ballistic, because he doesn't want to have "crappy bread" for his sammich. Weirdly enough, my friend is annoyed as well.
I don't get it.
How do you justify buying yourselves the most expensive brand of bread for your own personal use, and then buy the crappiest for your kids, especially when they're old enough to tell the difference? And how do you explain to them that they only rate having the crap bread?
Don't get me wrong. I don't see any problem whatsoever with parents treating themselves out to a night at the swankiest and most expensive restaurant in town while dropping the teens off at Pizza Hut.
But getting your ass in a twist over a loaf of white bread?
Curious and curiouser.
What do YOU think?