Monday, February 25, 2008

More Things That Make Me Go Aiiigghhhh!!!

A couple of weeks ago, I wrote a post about things that make me go "aiiigghh", and thought I got it out of my system.

Apparently not. Lately there have been quite a few items I've read that give me the huzz. I've been walking around in a state of constant huzzness.

The first is people who swallow parasitic worms in order to lose weight. I read an article about it, then someone sent me an email with old ads and there was one in there. What the heck? How could anyone be so desperate as to voluntarily introduce a batch of worms that can grow up to 15 inches in your intestines (or pancreas, or lungs)?

I remember a friend whose cat had a bad case of worms. Every time she lifted her tail, you could see them playing peek-a-boo from her anus. They'd pop out and wave "hi" for a second and then pop back in. It took a long LONG time for me to visit my friend's house after that.

Good Lord, my butt is itching just thinking about it. 'Scuse me for a minute.

The second has to do with eyeballs again. I found the commercial that scares the crap out of me on YouTube. They've been playing it a lot lately.





Anyway, I was reading an article about a fisherman in Britain who hooked a deadly giant snakehead fish which is not indigenous to the continent, because they're usually found in Asia. Apparently they eat just about anything (including people), can hop around a bit on land, and live for up to 4 days out of the water. I suppose any "normal" person would say, "Holy Crap, look at those teeth!" when they look at the picture.

Not me. My first words were, "OMFG, look at those EYEBALLS! AAAAAAAIIIGGHHHHHH!!"

This last one is one of those ideas that look good on paper, but freak me out in a "what could go wrong" kind of way. Remember when I wrote about the scientists who grew a replacement penis on some guy's arm?

Scientists in Australia are developing a radio-controlled vasectomy, which involves silicone implants that expand to block the flow of sperm. I guess in theory, it seems like a workable idea, because there really ARE no long-term birth control devices for men.

On the other hand, I have visions of it getting WAY out of control. What if some car manufacturer accidentally programs their remote car key chains to the same frequency? Some poor doof in the Home Depot parking lot could be trying to open the trunk of his Hummer to load it with fertilizer and inadvertently set the weasels jumping in the trousers of half the men in a 3-block radius.

Or what about at the beach? Some kid with a remote-control lil' dune buggy could start a riot. Creepy men who wear speedos is bad enough. Creepy men wearing undulating speedos is enough to make the wimmins race like lemmings into the surf face first to drown themselves. Or make them bleed from the eyeballs.

Ew. Eyeballs.

Gonna go scrub my brain now before it explodes.


___________


I got my rantipants on about bad parenting over on Disaboom if you feel like stopping by...

30 comments:

Melissa said...

What is with eyeballs being freaky? I don't know either, but I agree, they are. The worm thing? Icked me out big time. I'd happily remote-control the sperm production of a great many useless men so they don't breed...but I'm just sayin'.

Mrs. G. said...

Parisitic worms? No way. I refuse to believe this. Really?

Casdok said...

Great post! So have you got the aiiigghh out of your system yet?
Hope not!

Kim Ayres said...

The fish story is what you get from a tale originating in The Sun. For amore measured response, check the BBC News site.

mjmoore said...

That's the funniest post I've read for ages! Thank you! :)

Heather said...

That eye ball shit is CREEPY.
ha ha ha ha.
happy monday!
:]

Jennifer McKenzie said...

LOL! YOu find the weirdest shit online. How do you do that?
*hands Attila a hand towel* Your brain all scrubbed now?

MamaBird said...

OMFG, parasitic worms? I have never been down with the crazy dieting sh*t and this just proves to me that I completely don't have it in me. That's almost as bad as the crazy laxative-eaters (watch Weeds?). AND, drum-roll please, we don't just have hermaphrodite fish in the Potomac, we have SNAKEHEADS too. Welcome to the daymare that is the nation's capitol. (I hear they're quite tasty, though...a delicacy. Might work against the whole tapeworm idea really).

MamaBird said...

Sheesh, am I glad you opened your can of whup-ass on those evil stalker kids. Also that the kid who almost ruined that principal's career got expelled. My principal from my 5th-6th grade school had his life destroyed by a girl who may or may not have been lying. You do *not* mess around with that accusation around school personnel. And back to the 2 stalker kids, I am so proud of the high school kids who let them know how despicable their behavior was. Most kids really are decent humans.

Chris H said...

EEWWWW on all counts! That fish looks awesome to me though! I'm weird me thinks.

medrecgal said...

OMG...you had me laughing so hard with that remote control vasectomy device thingy that my cat was looking at me like she thought something was wrong! As for the worms, fish, and eyeballs...EEWWW!!! Just plain gross!

Brenda said...

Ew, ew,,ewwww,,,but the remote thing,,I could have some fun with that!

tAnYeTTa said...

I need to come back. After reading this part--

Every time she lifted her tail, you could see them playing peek-a-boo from her anus.

I mean really...........please warn us. I can't stop laughing!!!!! LOL

ewwwwwwww that's crazy! :)

litzi said...

Hi Attila,
LMAO about your continued list of things that make you go “aiiigghh”. I agree that swallowing parasitic worms as a way to lose weight is thoroughly disgusting. It’s similar to taking an excessive amount of Correctol to shed unwanted flab. Back in the 1930’s and 40’s, “society” women use to take ocean voyages to stay slim. They’d be seasick for the whole journey and return home sleek with a lightly tinged green complexion.

You’ve really got a “thing” for eyeballs, don’t you? I owe you an apology for all the posts I did with multiple pictures of big globular capsules staring out at you.

The remote controlled vasectomy device might be dangerous in the wrong hands, but it’d save a lot of men from having to go under the knife, as well as putting a crimp in the urologist’s income.

Jana B said...

PARASITIC WORMS???? to loose weight?! Holy crap. I can't imagine loosing weight that way... i mean, yeah, you'd have a flat belly... but it would WIGGLE with WORMS!!!!!!!!!!!!! GAG ME WITH A SPORK!!!!

Angela said...

YUCK
I think I need a warning next time you mention worms

YUCK

Lola Magnolia said...

For some time now, I've heard about idiot women who want to eat whatever they can on their vacations without the worries of gaining weight so they'll ingest tape worms and pray that the same meds given to cats and dogs to extract them will work for them as well. Don't know if it works and don't care! Frankly, if they're stupid enough to do something like that, they should have to go through surgery to get it removed.

Manda said...

Your freaking me out with the eyeballs! I really hate that commerical.
You had me laughing my butt off about the remote control vasectomy. Can't let the hubby read that or I'll never talk him into getting one!

RC said...

the parasitic worm think is kind of gross, especially since i just got done watching Aliens!

litzi said...

“Survivor” has had people eating worms/larva for one of the challenges...

Me said...

Oooh.
now I am seeing eyeballs everywhere...eew...

Cheri said...

My butt is itching just thinking about it.

LOL!

Pendullum said...

Wow... Now that's a lot of 'food for thought'
YUCK!
And now when a garage in the neighbourhood opens, I will always think that the neighbours could be getting it on...
: )

Trish said...

eyeballs, tape worms and R/C vasectomies...never a dull moment at the Attila's!

Now I've got the heebie-jeebies *shudder*

sleeplesswonder said...

http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/features/article853274.ece

You just have to read this, it is about eyeball tattoos. I know you are freaked out about eyes, but I think this is so weird/cool I am not sure how I feel about it yet, :)
Please don't kill me, :)

Eileen said...

Ok, the post is very yucky. It reminds me of college, when in the girls bathroom, someone had some kind of worms, and would smear them on the bathroom wall, after she used the bathroom. They would wiggle and such. It was the most disgusting thing I ever saw, and we never could figure out who it was. Kinda didn't want to. Glad I don't live in a dorm any more.

Ok, forget I said that. Thank you, thank you, thank you. I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE it!!!!! I can't tell you how much it made my day. Big, big hugs.
XOXOXO

Valerie Marie said...

"You could see them playing peek-a-boo from her anus"
Attila, dear, pleaaaase, write a book! xoxo

phlegmfatale said...

That IS one hideous fish. Disturbing if its made its way there somehow, but doubtful. It's vile that someone would do something so irresponsible as let it go in the wild in a non-native place.

That insurance commercial is strange and maybe a little overlong - I did love the sudden appearance of the dancing girls, though. Yeah, the eyeballs were gross.

Liesl said...

"Ew. Eyeballs."

Today? You complete me.

Brenda ND said...

I can definitely say I'd don't wanta watch the eyeball thing again. Happy TT!