Friday, February 22, 2008

The Marital Mind-Meld

I've heard all the jokes about aging, where people laugh a little nervously when they forget things and call it a case of "CRS" (Can't Remember Sh*t)---as if we're giving the stink-eye to the future possibility of dementia or Alzheimer's.

My Hubby, who is probably one of the smartest, most compassionate and most articulate of persons I've ever been fortunate enough to know has the wit of a steel trap. He also has the memory of a steel sieve, for a lot of things (Not according to him, of course). Hah.

Over the years we've been together, there have been multiple times that he's misplaced his wallet, his cell phone, his keys, or certain credit cards. He's insisted that he put them in xxxxx place, and either I, or the kids, or the evil hiding-stuff-just-to-mess-up-my-day genie must have MOVED whatever item because he KNOWS where he last put it.

And of course, I can walk into our bedroom or bathroom, and find the item either on top of his dresser, or in the pocket of the pants he wore the night before. Then he gets pissy and practically accuses me of hiding the item just to mess with him. Hmph. If he wasn't so darn cute he'd be spending a LOT of nights on the couch.

Ok to be fair, yes, once....he left his cell phone at the customer service desk at the grocery store. Couldn't solve that problem. But at least it wasn't caused by me, the kids, or the evil-mess-up-my-day-genie.

But there's another kind of forgetfulness that I never hear that much about. I'm calling it the Marital Mind-Meld. It's when you've been together so long with your partner, or you're so in tune to each other that you start sharing memories even if they aren't yours.

For example: Back when we were living in sin, about 15 years ago, we lived in my little house south of Denver close to a highway which is kind of a back way to get to the ski resorts. One late spring evening I was coming home from somewhere (Hubby-then-boyfriend was at the house watching the boys) and stopped to get some gas about a block from the highway.

As I was filling up the tank, I glanced around. A woman was pumping gas on the other side. I did a double-take. Was it? Could it be? She looked just like a famous international sports star. She had the signature "mulletish-do" she wore back then (except I don't think I knew to call it a mullet), but she was a bit shorter than I had imagined she'd be. I was trying to figure out how to strike up a conversation with her (she was completely oblivious to my presence) because the star had a somewhat distinctive accent, when her companion came out of the convenience store and did it for me.

She asked her if she wanted anything and they chatted for a minute while they were finishing up with their gas. Yes! I was sure that it WAS her! Wow! Her companion gave me a little smile and a wave as they pulled out. I rushed home.

You would NOT believe who I saw at the 7-11! Hubby was excited because he's a huge fan.

We told the "pumping gas across from sports star" story often enough over the years for it to become part of our family lore. One of our very few brushes with fame.

A year or so ago, we had friends visiting that we hadn't seen in awhile. We were chatting about this and that, and in the middle of a story, hubby told them about the time "we" pumped gas across from famous sports star. I raised my eyebrows a little, but thought maybe he was just caught up in the story. I wasn't going to correct him in front of our friends either, because well, I hate people who do that to their spouses. Made a note to mention it later, but never got around to it.

So a few months ago, we were laughing at something on the TV, and Hubby says, "That reminds me of the time I was pumping gas across from famous sports star."

Whhaaaaa??? You weren't even there!

"What are you talking about? Of course I was there!"

No you weren't! You were taking care of the boys and I came home and told you about it!

He was completely befuddled. Disbelieving and disturbed. He clearly has a memory of the incident, although he can't tell you what famous sport star was wearing or what side of the pump her vehicle was on. I can, because of course, I was the one who was there, and got a good eyeball of what she was wearing while trying to figure out if she was indeed, the sport star.

How weird is that?


Jana B said...

Oh. My. Word. That is just way too freaky.

I'm a newlywed... will this happen to US someday??? *freaked out a little.*

Pendullum said...

Shows you how great a story teller you are...
You brought the moment to life, and your husband truly lived the moment!

litzi said...

Hi Attila
LMAO! Yeah, your husband’s altered events of the story are weird, but quite amusing. I might wonder if he had a touch of senility or was getting doddery, but he’s too young. I think you’re right on when you ascribe it to Marital Mind-Meld. Yours and mine become ours in all kinds of strange ways after being together for years. This might also have been a result of the fact that you’re so good at relating stories and events that he actually thought he was pumping gas right along side you when the international sports figure pulled out.

This Marital Mind-Meld might become a concern if he swears up and down that it was him having the Pap smear during your most recent visit to the GYN/OB. Maybe you’ll have to claim it was your prostate the doc was probing.

phlegmfatale said...

That's hilarious. Love it! So, was it Martina Navratilova?
It makes sense the memory would be vivid for him, since he knew the place where you got gas and he knew what she looked like, obviously... Ah, senility. 'tis a refuge,sometimes.

Maddy said...

Sounds a lot like what we have here!
Best wishes

Samantha said...

That is quite weird! But I guess it just goes to show the bond that some people have!

Eileen said...

We do this all the time. We have been married since 1987, and it gets worse ever year! Our stories just mesh, and when we are telling people stories, they mesh into our. Totally, freaky.

Enjoy your weekend!

Angela said...

Reminds me of when I have a memory and don't know if I was there with my xb friend or my husband.
So i choose not to mention it

Heather said...

oh husbands.
god love them.

i'm going to get one soon!
ha ha ha.

Valerie Marie said...

It's not weird. It's a story from your collective pool of memories.
It's cute! xoxo have a nice weekend!

Jan said...

My mind is much like your hubby's. I describe mine as "memory like a colander." Inspite this I can remember the 108 movements of Tai Chi, that I teach. Go figure. But I think his re-inventing the story if just human nature. It's like oral history gone semi-awry.

Charlie said...

In our collective memories Martha swears she was never at our wedding and that she's single.

Jennifer McKenzie said...

What cracks me up is how we remember the SAME incident completely differently.....and eventually one version emerges. Usually his. LOL.
"That was such a great job. Challenging, I was home." *Wistful sigh*
"What are you talking about? You came home ever night and bitched about *name of crane operator that constantly made everything a competition*."
"Really? I don't remember that."
Guess whose version gets the history books? LOL.

TOM said...

I've witnessed this phenomena myself!!

Lola Magnolia said...

I do have CRS. But mine's from smoking too much pot in college. Hey, at least I'm honest! ;)

I also use the 'pregnancy brain' excuse even though I haven't been pregnant in 7+ years. The way I see it, as someone who had to go through all that just to have a child, I'm entitled to use that as an excuse for my forgetfulness for the rest of my life if I want!

Mrs. G. said...

We might have the same husband. Mine loses something and immediately starts assessing blame even though it is usually right in front of his face.

Brenda said...

Well, since I've been married for a million and one years, I stopped caring about correcting James about his "mistaken" memories. I finally put the stories straight so the straight version will become ingrained in his memory. If I didn't, he'd bore the same people over and over again with the mistakenly, repeated stories.

Our house is full of things he "puts up", never to be found again. :-)

elizabeth said...

Just sayin' hello.


OneEar said...

Not weird at all. Once you sit through a few depositions of witness testimony to the same incident, you will realize how subjective is the beast called "memory."

kristi said...

Oh, you get accused of hiding his things too?? LOL!