This and That

Ok, just a few random thoughts...

I've been getting a lot of new readers/commenters lately, and have to go through their profiles to get to a link back to their blogs so that I can reciprocate.

It's been simply amazing how many bloggers are Accountants! I was wondering if they are just really busy between Jan 1st and April 15th so they spend a whole lot of time reading blogs the rest of the year?

Then I happened to look at MY profile. It says that my job description is Accounting. How in the heck did that happen? Yeah, I can balance my checkbook, but....

Do you think it's a default setting? How many of YOU are Accountants by default?

______________

Ok, this is kind of weird. You guys remember that old sleepover trick/legend that says if you put a sleeping person's hand in warm water, they'll pee their pants? It wouldn't have happened when I was a kid, but I'm not so sure now.

Even if I take a tinkle before turning on the water in the shower/tub, EVERY SINGLE TIME I test the water with my hand, my bladder suddenly decides has to whiz again NOW. And comes up with extra pee that just must have been hiding for the particular moment.

While I was fretting over the fact that maybe I've got some bladder control issues and might need meds or something like that I noticed that it NEVER happens when I'm washing the dishes in warm/hot water.

What the heck is up with this? Any ideas?
__________

The other day, I was talking to my Mom, and told her it was time to have "the talk" with her. You know...the "sex" talk.

She said, "I thought we had this talk a long time ago. You haven't figured out where everything goes yet?"

I said, well no, I was reading an article about how middle-aged kids should have this talk with their parents, because it seems there is a rise in STDs in the senior community. You are all getting your freak on without protection and spreading crotch-rot willy-nilly!

She laughed her ass off.

But I have to say that my mom has become the hoochie of her senior community. Listening to her, it's almost like re-living high school again. It kind of cracks me up.

After my step-dad passed away a few years ago (lung cancer--never smoked a day in his life, he was one of the eh--what do you call them---downwinders of the nukes---and Alzheimer's), Mom got out and got moving. She'd always been really active, but had spent the last three years of Pop's life nursing him. Immediately she got into the senior scene (and the senior singles scene) and hooked herself a beau. Who was 15 years or so younger.

He'd been going with a gal for 4 years or so, but dumped her for my Mom. She liked him because he'd drive her everywhere, but got a little freaked out when he'd just show up at her house every morning expecting to spend the day with her. She needed space.

My brothers were initially a little worried (they live up there where she is), thinking that he might be some predatory--koff--younger guy looking to prey on an older woman. Even though she looked younger than he did. LOL

He wasn't predatory. He was a really good guy and we all liked him a lot.

He kept asking her to marry him, she kept refusing, and finally cut him loose because she didn't think he was "getting it". They're seniors, and she didn't want him to waste any more time getting his hopes up. I mean, how many years did they all have left? He was looking for a wife, and she doesn't intend to get married again, and besides...he has diabetes that he doesn't take care of and she "isn't interested in taking care of any more sick old men."

LOL You go girl!

Anyway, she can't get away from it. She goes to different senior centers to play cards, or backgammon, or attend lectures or outings, and every time she's friendly with a guy, the gossip mill tries to pair them off. And everyone is always trying to find out how old she actually is in order to categorize her.

Mom refuses to say. She doesn't wear make-up (except for a little mascara, maybe), doesn't dye her hair (gorgeous shade of pure white). She's got good genes, clean living and Oil of Olay on her side, and she's just smokin'!

So in the middle of this "sex" conversation, she told me a couple of things about my dad (TOO MUCH INFORMATION!!!). She also read a couple of years ago that men who smoke in their early years can suffer from impotence even as early as their 40's. Apparently this was one of the problems my dad had when he went searching for younger trophy poon after 24 years of marriage. Again TMI!! TMI!!!

Every time she and her girlfriends get together and discuss the prowess of their "boyfriend of the month" and someone mentions---uh---erection problems, she asks, "did they ever smoke?"

This has become kind of an obsession with her. She gave Big Kid "The Big Limp Penis" lecture last year, which completely freaked him out (she'd already given it to my brothers). Even though she is a retired minister, I think she still has a huge need to illuminate, because she has an urge to stop every male she sees smoking on the street to inform him of the future risks to his schwanging health.

I wonder what would happen if she really did that. I wouldn't put it past her.

She needs to have a special cape. She has a mission. She is The Penis Protector.

Don't you men feel really special? LOL