Saturday, May 12, 2007

Sometimes You've Just Got to Say....



What a crazy week it's been! Since we're out of school, the doc has decided to try the Big Kid on some non-stimulant meds for his ADHD---didn't want to destablize him during finals week. While the Adderall had been helping with focus, it could only be used sparingly because it's been inducing manic episodes. The problem with adjusting to these new meds is the possibility of panic attacks. Oh joy.

Big Kid is going to be starting driving lessons again next week, so he needs to be focused all the time.

Last weekend Little Guy had a bit of a cold. Then Big Kid caught it. Of course, true to form, his affliction couldn't just stay a nasty cold. It had to get bigger and badder. He got a hellacious case of bronchitis, which required nebulizer treatments at the doc's office and an inhaler.

So he comes running into the living room yesterday. "GAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!" Full blown panic attack.

What's wrong?

"I think I coughed out a piece of my lung!!"

What? Oh my God! Where is it?


I tried to figure out if we should call 911 or wait 35 minutes for the doctor's office to come back from lunch (isn't it sad how well I know their schedule?).

"I flushed it down the toilet! I didn't want to gross you out!"

Then how in the world are we going to figure out what it is?

"It was reddish brown!"

I looked him over carefully. He certainly seemed to be breathing ok. He definitely didn't have any problem in the hollering department. Blood wasn't spurting out of any orifice. And what was that? A suspicious reddish brown smear on the side of his mouth?

Did you just eat lunch? What did you have?

"Barbeque Chicken."

Oy.

In order to escape this mad, mad world, I was able to get some time on the computer this week. But as the week has progressed, all I can say is WTF?

Is it spring fever? Has the world gone wild?

In THE PAST WEEK ALONE....

Electrical Tools Gone Wild:

One
guy stabbed his father to death and then cut off his own head with a chainsaw. Another guy cut off his mother's head with a circular saw, and attempted to cut his own off as well.

He didn't quite get the entire sucker off, but he's just as dead. He didn't win the stuffed penguin, though.

Did a new video game come out that I haven't heard of yet?

For Hubby's Saturday "Honey-Do" List: Put all electrical cutty things under lock and key. Swallow the freaking key.

Personal Responsibility Gone Wild:

In Nova Scotia, the law says
Casino staff are supposed to spot betting addicts. I'll bet you five dollars that's not gonna work.

This
reporter thinks that we should blame restaurants for obesity, because their portions are too large. Yeah, as if your waiter ties you down and stuffs the blooming onion, nachos deluxe and chicken fried steak dinner down your throat like you're a Thanksgiving turkey.

When you get a parking
ticket, pay it or fight it out in court. Don't send the payment attached to a dog turd. Especially if you're too stupid to remember that your name and address are on the citation.

If you get "slain by the spirit" in church, maybe
God is trying to tell you something. And no, I don't think He's telling you to sue Him for damages.

PMS Gone Wild:

If your wife blindfolds you and leads you into the basement for a
"surprise", don't be a typical guy and think it's a blow-job or new fooseball table. Run like hell.

Skanky Heiresses Gone Wi---no Scratch That. Still Skanky:

Our favorite Bimbo Paris Hilton asked
fans on her MySpace page to sign a petition asking Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger to pardon her and overturn her sentence for her recent misdeeds.

Governor's office
laughs---not because all 36 fans signed it---but because of the 1, 345, 987 signatures sent in begging him to extend her stay in the poky.

Some even offered sentencing expansions in creative ways. "Make the bitch eat cheeseburgers three times a day!", "What's 45 days going to do to her bleach-job? Show us the roots!" and "Make her wear the polyester jumpsuit!"

Unfortunately the governor had to reject these ideas because they constitute cruel and unusual punishment.

Teachers Gone----Freaking Insane!!!

Sorry, my friend, Mrs. Mayhem. I'm not trying to give you a complex. I know there are great teachers out there, but this really takes the cake.

In the past seven days, it has been reported:

A married 42-year old
teacher sends love notes to a 12-year-old student and calls him at home. “I want you to be with me. I know that we are both with someone else, but that’s going to change one day."

Then she said that
God forgives her, so everybody else should too. She's ready to move on with her life.

I want me some of those drugs!

This teacher has reached a plea agreement for having an affair with a 14-year-old student and running off with him to
Mexico.

This teacher has been
arrested for having sexual relations with a student (although the student is 17).

Another teacher has been charged with sexually assaulting two of his 9th grade students and was even dumb enough to post about his exploits on
Facebook. I don't know what horrifies me more---that he was doinking his students or that he got a teaching certificate.

And last but not least, I guess we should be grateful that this teacher didn't get the "Mrs. Robinson Itchy Panty bug". She just hosted booze parties in her
home for her students.

WTF is wrong with people?

20 comments:

Beth said...

I don't know whether to laugh or cry. These stories are absolutely crazy - and scary because they're true!

BTW, I once thought I was coughing up blood. Total panic. Then I remembered I'd eaten a cherry popsicle a few hours earlier.

Hope the Big Kid's new meds work out - and all the best with his driving lessons!

Samantha said...

My head is still spinning from half these storiess!

Miss Litzi said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Miss Litzi said...

Hi Attila,
What a marvelous post! Maybe you could do “Attila’s National Intruder” every Saturday morning for our reading pleasure. Your news clips give us a glimpse of what’s really happening in our crazy everyday world.

Thanks for the chuckles…

HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY!!!!!

kim said...

more and more reasons to become a recluse and have 13 cats and 4.7 miles of overgrown garden before you get to my front door :)

Ruth Dynamite said...

Oy oy oy. Where do you find these things???

Grim Reality Girl said...

Do you think the nebulizer treatments could contribute to the panic? My little guy had them when he was little.... got a little crazy on the stuff if I'm not mistaken (which I could be... I've been mistaken before).

WTF is right on all of those stories!! The ones about teachers really blow my mind -- I student teach this fall. I choose to believe that this stuff has always happened and that we didn't know about it due to not having 24 hour news... please tell the world isn't getting crazier.... please tell me that people will start behaving better soon...

KL said...

I don't know what is scarier...these stories or the fact that you have 'wandered' into them. LOL

I kinda wonder how it is that you find all these articles. Do you search them out, or do they just come to you?

Be glad the big kid didn't get pneumonia! I am in the hospital with it this week.

Eileen said...

Hope your guy is feeling better! It can be scarey when all that gunk comes up from our lungs, sometimes I am not even sure what the hell it is. I guess that is a little too much info, huh. Your stories are so unbelievably sad and crazy that you almost have to laugh to preserve our sanity. What a world. Thank God for all the good stuff, that I try to keep my focus on and energies on, like most of the amazing people I meet here in this cyber world. Happy Mother's Day, I really enjoy your Blog.

yerdoingitwrong said...

Our world is starting to freak me out. But, I gotta say that I have a bit of hope they'll extend Paris visit to the pokey. hehe. Just makes me happy.

Happy mama's day, girl!! xo.

Big Pissy said...

WTF is right on all those stories!

Did you read about the teacher who tried to sell a first grader's coat on ebay?

Little girl's mother found it when she was looking to buy one for the one her daughter had lost!

DutchBitch said...

OMG! If I would have coughed out a piece of lung with every bronchitis I ever had, I would have no lung left.

Glad it wasn't his lung! LOL

Kim Ayres said...

Where do you find all these stories?

Love 'em :)

Annie Drogynous said...

I love you, Mom! I really love you. You have such a talent of making stupid people sound flat out retarded. Your college skills have really been paying off with all this research!

BTW, I've been dying to see Paris in an orange jumpsuit with her brown roots showing through. Does that make me a bad person?!

Rootietoot said...

Are nebulizer treatments steroid based? I'm not a doctor so I don't know, but I do know that if I take steroid (I'm bipolar) they make me absolutely NUTS- delusional and everything. Welll..more delusional, anyway.

I'm also wondering if teaching is the new priesthood for women. What is with with these chicks and their love for little boys? Has this always been going on and our information age is making it more public? Gaahhhh...

Happy Mother's Day to you!

KL said...

Rootietoot,

The nebulizer treatments don't normally have steroids in them, but the albuterol that they normally use can make you jumpy. I have been on treatments every 4 hours since Wednesday and I get jittery and shaky with each treatment. The Docs know about it, but normally don't mention it.

Heather said...

YAY!
This has been totally informative.
Now that I have laughed my ass off, I must say this:

Good luck with driving Big Kid! You'll do great! :]


& Happy Mother's Day ATM :]
oxo ♥

Brenda said...

I hope the Big Kid feels better soon! Tell him to leave off the red kool-aid too when he's coughing cause that stuff'll scare ya silly when you spit it up.

carmachu said...

Whats wrong with people? Its simple...the stupid people are outbreeding the smart ones.....we're totally outnumbered...

Hey, it was only part of big kids lung. Be glad it didnt involve another butt check....

phlegmfatale said...

There has been something seriously weird in the air lately. What's up with people??? A full week of full-moons? These stories are so kooky!