He Who Smelt it Dealt it...

My friend The Blair Bitch wrote a post about hygiene the other day, and I started wondering about some things...

Last week I took the Big Kid out for his driving lesson. Because of his anxiety issues, he's been taking some intensive private lessons to help him gain confidence behind the wheel.

The company has a private range with a couple of driving tracks on it. There's a really nice double-wide on the premises with an office and a classroom and a place for parents to wait if the weather isn't great.

When we got there, Pretty Ms. Driving Instructor met us outside. "They're having an employee meeting in there," she said. "It wasn't scheduled until the last minute, but they should be done soon."

I didn't mind. The weather was beautiful, and I was planning on sitting at the benches to watch the kid drive anyway.

About 15 minutes later, several men of varying ages came from the building. One of them was carrying a pizza box to the dumpster. "You can go in now!" he called out cheerfully.

The other men got into cars and started driving on one of the tracks. I decided to go inside and--ahem--use the facilities.

As soon as I walked in the door, a putrid stench almost knocked me over.

The entire building smelled like butt.

Geez, what were they doing in here, having a inspirational ass-ripping session?

How in the heck did they manage to breathe, much less eat pizza?

It was a beautiful day outside, and nobody thought to prop open the door? Open a couple of windows?

I stumbled blindly through the fumage and made my way to the bathroom. It was 10 times worse in there, and there was no fan.

Great, I thought to myself. Maybe they're having a septic system problem.

I stepped outside the bathroom and took a gulp of (somewhat) fresher air before plunging back in there to pee.

I lifted up the toilet seat and....

...a humongous turd sat up and said hi.

WTF?

After flushing the offender down the pooper and quickly doing my business, a thought occurred to me. If people were to come into the building while I was still there, they might mistakenly think that the malodorous funk had come flying out of MY heinie. So I got the hell out.

But I was considerate and left the front door open.

While outside again watching Big Kid parallel park, I realized something. There wasn't any toilet paper in the bowl.

So not only did the culprit leave a big foul present for the next person (how could he have put the lid down without noticing his buddy in the bowl doing the backstroke?), he didn't wipe himself either.

Ew.

I spent the rest of lesson giving those employees the stink eye, and tried to guess which one had the dingleberry butt. I pitied the poor driving student who had to sit in an enclosed space with this joker.

I debated on whether or not to mention anything to Pretty Ms. Driving instructor, but I didn't know what to say.

"Excuse me, but one of your fellow employees is a big nasty ass in more ways than one?"

What I'm wondering is WHY was I so worried that people might think that stench came from me?

Everybody farts.

Do men even care about this? Is it a woman thing or what?