Tuesday, August 08, 2006

Sometimes a Cigar is Just a Cigar...

Fair warning to the gents. This is sort of a ladies-specific-post, so you might want to hit the back-button now!

Then again, if you just can't contain your curiosity...we won't tell!

When I was 22 and pregnant with my Little Guy, I invited a single girl-friend of mine from work to come spend the holidays with my family. She was fairly new in town, was unattached, and wasn't able to get back to Chicago and her folks for the season.

I couldn't bear the thought of anyone being alone on Christmas, and my dad always threw the most fabulous do's. Everyone was welcome!

During the gift-giving part, I received a back-massager from Dad, similar to the one pictured above, except the top padded part was larger (this was 17 years ago and I guess the model has been streamlined).

Since my Big Guy was 12+ pounds and a hair shy of 2 feet tall at birth (yes, he drove US home from the hospital!), and Little Guy looked to be heading for the same size, my back ached all the time. For me, this was a wonderful gift.

I threw my arms around Dad and thanked him profusely. "This is so perfect! Thank you SO much!!! I can't WAIT to use it!!!"

My girl-friend just gaped.

A little later, during the festivities, I asked her if something was wrong.

She shook her head and said, "I can't believe your DAD gave you a VIBRATOR for Christmas!"

Huh?

Color me naive, but as it turned out, this was the same model of back massager that she and a couple of our other friends used for--uh--electronic pleasure.

My dad had back problems and was a gadget freak. My brothers and I had back aches, muscle strains, etc from time to time while growing up. We were used to having back-massagers laying around the house.


For back massaging.

My friend/s, on the other hand, presumably came from homes with strong and ache-free backs. They saw the label "Back Massager" and thought "Instant Man Without Issues".

Oy.

The reason why I'm bringing this up is because of a recent article I read about how some enhancement products (which once were available only by mail-order or at sex shops) can now be found at your neighborhood drug store.

Plus I was looking for an excuse to tell the above story, which I thought was kind of funny.

Apparently, in addition to the condom displays, a couple of other things are now being offered specifically for women, like personal lubricants or oils.

And the Legion of Moral Decency doesn't like it, because you don't have to be 21 to buy them.

The Trojan Condom "vibrating ring" was referred to, and I had absolutely no idea what that was.

Believe me, I studiously perused that particular aisle as I reported in my post about condoms. If I had seen anything resembling THAT, I might have taken a closer look!

But I just now found out that I happen to live in one of the 8 states that "have laws that limit or forbid the sale of products designed to stimulate genitalia." They include Texas, Alabama, Colorado, Georgia, Kansas, Louisiana, Mississippi and Virginia.

What the heck?


And would this ban include Back Massagers too?

I did some googling to see what nefarious products were currently disguised as aids for back and neck pain, and came upon a few that seem suspect. We women definitely need to be protected from these!


This massaging back-rest "cushion" has got to go. What's to keep us from turning it upside down and sitting on it's face?



Or how about this one? Looks like it gives good head to me! Good head is BAD! Ban it!






This back massager in the shape of a crab must be done away with. Because it could lead to things like--uh--more crabs. Wait a minute. I think this is a lobster. Never mind then.





This next one should be safe for womanly use. Other than giving a heavy-duty deep muscle massage, I can't imagine anyone using it for purposes other than sanding a deck.



Life's ridiculous sometimes, isn't it?

34 comments:

Anna said...

Madness. products that "stimulate gentialia" are banned? Lol, guess we should ban gentialia themselves then, as that would seem to be one of their main purposes!

Do they really think that selling K-Y and vibrating condoms is going to make more teenagers have sex?

Rootietoot said...

Yeah...I live in one of those states, too. Merchants get around it by making the vibrators look like cute green inchworms and prominantly labeling them COMPACT NECK MASSAGER. Bless their hearts.

34quinn said...

they are banned ? your kidding right ?
lol....hmmm guess Canada isn't all that bad...here in Ontario it is also legal for woman to be in public topless if they so choose.

Miss Keeks said...

You'd never hear of a state banning anything that stimulates male genitalia! I'm surprised you can't get a hand held vagina at your local shops.

Quinn, I know women can be topless in Ontario--but I live fifteen minutes away--and spend a bit of time in Toronto on a regular basis... I've never seen a topless woman. Am I not looking hard enough?? I have met some very friendly hookers though... (ehem, not too friendly.)

34quinn said...

haha , miss keeks, the key was woman can go topless legally "if they so choose" ....I do know of some that do go topless in their yards at their homes and do not worry about who may see them etc. but as for around town..I have not personally seen any either.

KL said...

ATM - you need to rethink that last one....I definitely see some potential, if you get lost, I will explain it to you someday when it is legal in your state....oh DAMN I now live in one of those banned states! Guess I better visit my home state of Cali more often.

Quinn - Now ya make me want to go to visit Toronto and walk around topless just because I can, and no one else does...but the screaming and running away in fear probably wouldn't do much good for the city or my pride.

carmachu said...

I knew thats how the story would end up as soon as I saw the back massager.....Its just one of those things that happen.


As for the rest.....*shrug* Some people thing many things, doent make them right....

Annie Drogynous said...

Most of the time I walk through a drug store these days it's with my kids so I usually try to avoid the condom section. Now that school is about to start, I'll have to pay more attention to it to see what other fun items I can find.

Afterall, it IS the place where I first found one of my true loves, Astroglide.

Kate said...

"The Trojan Condom "vibrating ring" was referred to, and I had absolutely no idea what that was."

Me neither - it sounds a bit scary though, eek!

AMYADOPTEE said...

Now here in Texas you can get warming gel, trojans, and pregnancy tests but I have yet to see that ring thing. But where I live there is a triple x store right outside of town. They advertise like crazy for the ones outside of Denton and Gainesville. I agree with you ATM They provde sex and booze for the guys but us girls well we are just out of luck.

Kevin Charnas said...

Aren't there other things those states can pay attention to rather than out-lawing stimulating genitalia devices??? I say fire-up the Briggs & Stratton and ride 'em 'til you're happy!! Just remember to change the oil every 3000 miles.

Mel said...

Dude! They can't take away fingers, right?

Mr. Fabulous said...

First the coupons and now this. I learn so much when I come over here...

I really feel I should be earning credits for this :)

Lisa Goldstein/Kelly Kelly said...

That is a hilarious story about Christmas. Putting the X in XMas. Woo hoo.

I had a pulled muscle once and used one of those big back massagers, and I left it out and some friends were laughing at me for it too. Ugh. I swear, I used it on my back.

Lisa

Marymurtz said...

A good friend of ours bought his grandmother a back massager for Christmas one year. He has, framed in his home, the thank you note she mailed him: "Dear Chris, Thank you so much for the vibrator. Love, Grandma."

Me said...

snork.
Stimulate the genitilia.
Snork. snork.

Tracie said...

That is just a crazy story! I came from a family where back massagers were always back massagers!

I have to say that I don't know what the vibrating ring is either...and I am not sure that I want to find out!

elizabeth said...

Bwahahahahahaha! Hilarious! Reminds me of an old Sex in the City episode.

St Jude said...

This puts a whole new perspective on 'morally challenged'. What a sad world it must be without rabbits ;0)

Anonymous said...

the world is a mad old place - here in england i can buy any type of sex toy on the high street, however, you guys can go buy a firearm, totally imposssible here!
i know which i would rather my kids had free access to!
i wonder everyday just which planet our 'leaders' live on (take it from me, ours are just as mad as yours)

happykat said...

C'mon, those laws are perfectly reasonable. We wouldn't want millions of people going blind now, would we?

Deb said...

I can't even tell you what I have used some of those for *blush*

Anonymous said...

thankfully, happycat, we have more opticians in britain than dentists!

Ma Titwonky said...

I'll bet my pharmacy has that stuff but no one there knows where it is. BTW, does this mean I shouldn't sit on top of my washing machine anymore?

Loved your story about the Christmas gift, btw. My kinda story! LOL!

Stinkypaw said...

You got that right! I hate it when the state decides something for me! Let ME decide if I need to use something like that or not! Does that mean that soon they will chop all our fingers off?! 'Cause, you know, I sure do use those! ...For massages! Of course! ;-)

Thanks for dropping by BTW!

Nikki said...

Trojan Vibrating Ring huh.....

This has potential....

I'm taking a trip out of state soon too......

Jason said...

Hey, I'm for just about any product that puts women in the mood. Not only do women need to know this, so do husbands everywhere.

parnellpr said...

As we say in Good ol' England what a load of bollocks!. You'd think female and male genitalia were a scary new invention huh?

This all reminds me of an episode of sex and the city. Samantha, is returning her back massager to the store, complaining that it has given out and she wants a replacement. It turns out that she has been using it for masturbatory means, somewhat to the shock of the store assistant. Furthermore it turns out that there are a load of other ladies looking in the store for back massagers. So we end up with Samantha lecturing all these ladies as to which is the best at getting you off.

Can you tell it's my favourite tv series ever?

Pippa

Brenda said...

That's better than a law here in Arkansas that a man can beat his wife but no oftener than once a month and with a stick no wider than 3 inches.

I was here visitin this morning and got a phone call that changed my age by 10 years and had to leave but I had to come back this evening to check out that lobster again.

Lilize said...

ohhh the neck massager heheh...

here in brazil the items are a bit lame :/

shirley said...

Wha?? Bestill my innocent eyes!

Poor_Statue said...

First time here and I laughed loudly enough to draw attention to myself.

lildb said...

you're fabulous.

un-shame the masses, lady.

HannoverFist said...

Crap, my wife and I are going straight to hell. Oh wait, we live in Oregon.

*whew*