Sunday, September 26, 2010

Crack My Sh*t Up

Ok, truth time here.

Way before it was legal in some states, Hubby used to smoke pot once in a while. He did it as a teen and young man, not so much as he got older. He suffers from migraines, and tried to quit once he could get the migraine meds in a personal shot form some years ago. Didn't work very well at first, and our family doc basically said, "you might want to rethink quitting altogether", simply because he went from one or two migraines a year to one or two a month.

He was committed to quitting because number one, he didn't want to be a hypocrite when we preached "no drugs" to Big Kid (who had and still has absolutely no idea that his dad was smoking pot---he thinks Hubby's a square old fuddy-duddy). Number two is that I am very VERY allergic to something that is in pot.

I have stood in line next to people in Blockbuster or the grocery store who have residue in their hair or their clothes. Just from being near them---my eyes start to get itchy and burny, my sinuses and throat start swelling up. I haven't been to a concert in nearly 20 years. Hubby never smoked it in our home, changed his clothes when he got home and does his own laundry. So the impact on me was minimal. But he quit for good about 8 years ago.

What really ticks me off is that Big Kid was denied Social Security disability benefits a couple of years ago because he told the judge that he smoked pot once in awhile. He has a severe mental illness where self-medicating is the norm and told his doctors that the only time he felt emotionally "normal" was when he was high. He was denied benefits because the judge felt that he wouldn't be bi-polar (or have a panic disorder) if he wasn't smoking pot (although 4 professionals, including their OWN stated that he was very ill and needed assistance).

A year later, our state voted to make medical marijuana legal. :::sigh::: Of course now it's moot, because the kid can barely breathe, much less smoke a doob to make himself feel better.

In our little burg, we now have 2 medical marijuana dispensaries. And now that it's fairly easy to get a card for medicinal purposes, it's been a real eye opener as to how many of our friends and associates (most of them very conservative people) used to be closet pot-heads. Well they aren't in the closet now! I've never met so many people with sciatica in my life. You'd think they all migrated to our town like wounded birds for the healing mountain properties.

The closest dispensary is on the main drag in town, and advertises itself as a "spa and wellness center". It was there for 6 months before Hubby clued me in. I had no idea!

Since it's football season, Hubby and I changed "My day" (I insist that he reserve one day a week for me. Just for me. He works so much and has so many commitments with his other activities during the week that we hardly see each other) from Sunday to Saturday. Yesterday we decided to drive down into the big city and look at used cars. My 18-year-old Caddy is getting long in the tooth and we figured it might be time to trade it in before it falls apart.

We drove past the "spa" and there were a few cars in the parking lot.

"OMG!" exclaimed Hubby. "That's Fred's car!"

Fred? Who the fluck is Fred?

"He's the guy that does my business cards." And then Hubby picked up his cell phone, punched in a number AND CALLED HIM!

"Fred, my man! Getting the big bag of ganja for the weekend, Dood?" (in his best teenage stoner voice)

DOOD?


There was some mutual chuckling and they signed off.

"He said he was dropping off business cards. Uh huh. He doesn't personally deliver them to anybody else."

What the heck was that all about?

Apparently the boys (I'm not going to say men, because this is about as juvenile as it gets) in our small town recognize each other's cars. Maybe it's a guy thing, because I wouldn't know what the manager at the supermarket drove even if he ran over me. And every time they see somebody they know parked in front of the "spa", they all call whoever it is up for a serious ribbing. Really!

I don't get it. A little farther down the mountain, there is an "Oriental Massage" place with visible parking that's been there for about 10 years. As far as I know, they don't call each other up and ask if they got a happy ending. ;-)

This "ribbing" stuff has gotten so prolific that a friend who works in the local gubment called the establishment NEXT DOOR to the "spa" and told them that if they wanted her continued business they would have to deliver, because there was no way in hell that she'd ever park her candy apple red roadster anywhere near the pot place. LOL

I guess these guys have found their "inner child". What a bunch of boobs.

Cracks me up.

11 comments:

KWombles said...

:-) That's too funny!

I've given you a versatile blogger award over at Countering! I wanted to let you know how much I enjoy your blog!

Jeanie said...

Good to know that Boulder hasn't cornered the market on dispensaries. I love that the "boys" keep an eye on each other.

Kim Ayres said...

As someone who hasn't touched a joint since I was about 21, I have to ask how does this dispensery thing work? It is given out in pill form, lumps of resin, baked in brownies?

Heather said...

The local police should use you on their drug busts. You would be better than the drug sniffing dogs if you are that allergic. Not that I am comparing you to a dog by any means. LOL.

Chris H said...

Pot is still illegal here. Sigh

From Tracie said...

That really is hilarious!!

I wouldn't recognize anyone's car either. I love that your friend wasn't even going to park near it. I guess there are no secrets in your town.

debra said...

Delivering business cards?? that's kind of like saying "but I never inhaled!" :-)

Katie :o) said...

A fun read, as always! Love your style!

Amy McDonald said...

In Canada we have medical weed too, but we don't really have dispensaries, we have places you go and pick it up, often connected to a pharmacy, but you must have a rx from a doctor and a special card that entitles you to it. Can just any one get it from your dispensaries?

Rootietoot said...

Why don't they just go ahead and make the stuff legal, so they can regulate it and tax it? I mean really. What happens when someone is stoned? they sing badly? Since Big Kid can't smoke it, can he have it in brownies?

Joanna Jenkins said...

You cracked me up with this one ATM-- Guys will swear up and down that THEY don't gossip but this pretty much sums the whole thing up. What a hoot.

Love the idea that you and your hubby have a whole day just for yourselves :-)

xo jj