Friday, September 28, 2007

Stank for Skanks

When I read that Courtney Love was thinking about launching her own perfume line I thought, "You have GOT to be kidding me! Who would want to smell like Skank?"

Well, apparently--and realistically, I might add--she's been worried about the same thing. But she's been learning about marketing and producing, in the hopes that this endeavor might someday come to fruition.

You know me, I get an idea rolling around in my head and have a hard time letting go of it.

What other celebrity foofs could I come up with?


How about "Screw Loose for Men, by Mel Gibson".


Or, "Withered" by Donatella Versace.


The obvious choice for Alec Baldwin would be "Bloviator".



Having trouble deciding between "Concave" or "Corpse" for Nicole Ritchie.

What names would you design for celebrity foofs?

Stick it in my comments section and I'll put it up and pimp ya. ;-)

And as an added bonus, if you make me shoot coffee/snapple/a bbq almond out my nose, I'll email you a 5 buck Amazon.com gift certificate!

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

The Inclusion Chronicles

Boy this week is just getting away from me! Hope you all are doing well.

I wrote a post about Little Guy and inclusion over at Disaboom.

If you get a moment, come over and give me a holler!

xoxo

ATM

Saturday, September 22, 2007

Opening Up a Can of Whup-Ass

I really feel like breaking my foot off in a certain somebody's butt right now.

Last month I wrote about Little Guy's romance in A Lid for Every Pot. Things have been going really nice for them, and they're still spending time together. They're getting together tomorrow afternoon at her house to hang out and have dinner.

Anyway, Little Guy came home from school last night and was feeling horribly upset. It's kind of confusing, but Hot Chick's mom and I more or less got to the bottom of it a little later.

Hot Chick is having a hard time in school this year. She feels like some girls are picking on her, and she's not enjoying school very much. There is a girl in their transitions class I'll call Sally.


Hot Chick and Sally just don't get along at all, which hey, happens in real life. You're not going to like everybody you meet, and everybody isn't going to like you.

Sally has a sister who is also a student in the high school, but doesn't have disabilities and isn't part of the transitions class. I guess she has too much time on her hands, or thinks that stirring the sh*t-pot for Hot Chick is a sisterly thing to do.

She pulled Little Guy aside and told him some bad things about Hot Chick, including that she is "cheating on him". Honestly, Little Guy doesn't really know what that means except in a vague way. Also, he has such a sunny disposition that he doesn't like to say or think bad things about other people, even if they're cruel to him.

So Sister dragged Little Guy over to confront Hot Chick with her cheating, and Hot Chick (who's a little more savvy than my son) was terribly hurt by the whole thing.


In return, Little Guy---who wouldn't ever try to hurt anybody's feelings deliberately---and didn't really understand what was going on in the first place, was upset for having upset her. Apparently some para-educators had to get involved with the whole drama and straighten some of it out.

It's all sooooooo...High School.

Wait. It's all so High School.

On one hand, I guess I should feel that this is really a "normal" bunch of crap that Little Guy is experiencing. Something that all teens go through. Wasn't mainstreaming him supposed to provide him with the same experiences as his peers? Good as well as bad?

On the other hand, I want to put on my bunny slippers and break my foot off in that girl's heinie. How dare she insinuate herself into Little Guy and Hot Chick's relationship, when it's been such a good thing for both of them? Who in the hell does she think she is?

So Hubby and I sat Little Guy down to make sure he understood what had happened. Some people may seem to be nice, but if all they do is tell you lies and try to make you mad at others, then they really aren't your friend. Little Guy's friendship with Hot Chick is between the two of them, and not anyone else's business. If they're happy with the way things are going, then that's all that matters.

I put a call into the transitions leader to give her a head's up, in case there's some fall-out.

But damn, my foot is itching.

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

Mum's the Word

I've said this before and I'll say it again.

I love my mom with all my heart.

But as I wrote in a previous post entitled Mummy Dearest, there are just some things that go above and beyond daughterly duty and love.

In the above post, adult children kept their mom's corpse in an upstairs bedroom for a couple of years after she died of natural causes. They wouldn't admit to others outside the family that she had passed away...she was always "too unwell" to see anybody, and they'd go up and spray bug spray and air freshener on her once in awhile. As soon as the home's air conditioning sh*t the bed, the jig was up. Mom got so stinky, even the neighbors' noticed.

Oooh, that smell. Can't you smell that smell?

Ok, I'll have that song in my head all day now.

Oh and they had her propped up watching her favorite TV shows for the entire time. Eww.

Although I never saw any follow-up, I have a sneaking suspicion that they might have been collecting her social security checks, because they were all living in Mom's house. But's that's just me.

There's no way London sisters Josephine and Valmai Lamas were cashing in on Mom's check surreptitiously though.

Mom's officially dead.

But the two have been paying a funeral home to keep her in cold storage for the last 10 years.

Originally they didn't agree with her cause of death---an embolism brought on by a leg thrombosis, and wanted to keep her on ice so they could get a second opinion. Apparently they didn't get one, or get the one they wanted. But they're still not ready to bury her.

Although Mom has degraded over the years, Valmai still comes to pull her out of the fridge to sit with her every Saturday on her lunch hour.

Sister Josephine comes to touch up her foundation and lipstick, and to pack fresh padding in Mom's stomach cavity. Yep, that's right.

I am going to leave explicit instruction in my will to have my corpus disposed of immediately.

That is just too freaking weird.

Monday, September 17, 2007

Ow

Threw my lower back out the other day.

Hurts too much to sit for long, so I'll catch up with you guys in a couple of days.

Be nice. xoxox


ATM

Friday, September 14, 2007

Big Smooches

You know, we hear so much about the crappy things our youth are getting into today, and not nearly enough about the good things.

Sh*tty behavior sells papers. But we knew that.

So while yes, there is some nasty stuff in this story, there's also some fabulous good.

I want to extend cookies galore to a couple of high school students at Central Kings Rural High School in Cambridge, Nova Scotia.

Recently, on the first day of school, a new 9th grade student was attacked by a group of older students, who mocked him for wearing a pink shirt, called him a homosexual (yeah, they probably called him something worse, but I'm going with the news story) and threatened to beat him up.

Seniors Travis Price and David Shepherd decided to take action.

"It’s my last year. I’ve stood around too long and I wanted to do something," said David.

The two bought 75 pink tank tops, pink material for head and wristbands, and contacted every student they could on the internet. They saved a shirt especially for the new student who had been bullied.

They figure that at least half of the student body of 830 came to school wearing pink, much to the detriment of the bullies.

Way to go, guys!

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

Brain Scrambling

I was reading today about Mary Winkler, and have had a hard time getting this off my mind.

If you remember Winkler, she was convicted of voluntary manslaughter in the shooting death of her minister husband. Her defense claimed battered women's syndrome, and she served a sentence of 5 months in prison and 2 months in a mental health treatment facility.

She is seeking custody, or at least frequent visitation with her children, ages 2, 8 and 10, who have been in the custody of her in-laws since she was arrested. They in turn, are seeking to terminate her parental rights so they can adopt her daughters (and by inference keep them from any contact with her).

I'm trying to figure out the reasoning behind all of this.

Given the girls' ages, I could understand it if she was in prison for many years and the grandparents were the primary guardians. They probably wouldn't remember her as a mother, and it could be traumatic to suddenly be yanked from the only caregivers they've ever known.

But it's not like that.

Apart from any thoughts of vengeance from a readers' standpoint (somebody must have believed her defense because she was only incarcerated a total of 7 months and let go from the facility because they thought she was of sound mind), the woman has served her sentence and her debt to society.

Did it seem awfully short? Maybe so. But she served what was imposed and is now a free citizen.

Was there an extra sentence tacked on that said she must lose her parental rights?

No.

Was there a sentence given to her children that said they must lose their mother permanently as well?

No.

I just don't get the reasoning, if it's in the best interest of the children.

What do you think?

Saturday, September 08, 2007

Bits and Pieces


Hope you guys had a good week! Just wanted to catch up on a couple of things...

First of all, I'm totally bipping out on the search for millionaire/billionaire---oh hell, rich guy Steve Fosset who recently disappeared flying a plane belonging to Grandaddy Hilton.

Apparently, in the search for the mega-rich guy, rescue teams have found 6 other undiscovered plane wrecks, which they examined briefly and marked (no bodies, but you wouldn't expect it in coyote country) to come back to.

I'm just wondering about the families of the passengers in those small planes...all these years, no word, and then suddenly the crash their loved one was in is discovered in a search for a wealthy guy. I mean, I'm sure they'll be happy to know the fate, but how---uh---can't really find the word----sad, I guess that their loved ones disappearance didn't rate such an extensive search. If you know what I mean.

I'm feeling a little paranoid after pissing and moaning about my college class a few posts back.

I went to the class, armed with a handy, dandy recorder, and a resolve to say something if things got too off-topic.

Out of 24 students, 10 were gone. The drop date is in a few days, so who knows?

The professor told us flat out what material in our hand-outs and book would be covered in our exam, so we would know what to take notes on. Then he apologized for any digressions off-topic and said that he thought the material we need to cover in the class is dry (and pretty limited---could be combined with another course easily) and he was trying to liven things up to make it less boring.

Ms. Big Mouth moved up a row, and either shaved or waxed her back. Because she took off her blouse and was wearing a tank top. She was out of shoe-to-the-head-whacking range, and obviously eliminated the grab-a-handful-of-back-hair option.

She was also much quieter, but did quote Judge Judy a few times, which was weird.

Nobody was giving me a hairy eyeball, so I'm hoping it is all coincidence. But what if it wasn't?

Makes me feel powerful and paranoid at the same time. LOL

Wanted to share how Big Kid is doing with his new meds.

He's taking two classes. In his CSI class, (the one he started late), he got an A on his first assignment, which was an essay. In his other class, which is a Criminal Law class, he got an A on his first assignment, which was a quiz.

He got a 92%, and was bummed.

Said to me, "I know I could have done better."

Damn. Never heard that before. I'm so proud.

Did I say before that I love love LOVE his new meds?

Friday, September 07, 2007

Asshat of the Week---Joanne DeLoach

This week's Asshat goes to Joanne DeLoach!!

Dorky Dad was on Asshat patrol and brought this gem to my attention. Thanks, Dad!

Yikes.

DeLoach's daughter was working a 12-hour shift, and left her 9-year old daughter in Grandma's care. It just happened to be Grandma Joanne's 47th birthday, and babysitting simply wasn't in the evening's plan.

So what's a granny to do? Give the kid a couple of glasses of gin, hoping she'll pass out so you can leave her alone and get on with your own partay?

The girl's mother found her daughter alone after her shift, and called police. 8 hours after drinking the gin, a breathalizer showed the girl's alcohol levels to be almost half that of the legal limit for driving.

Good God. With a parent like DeLoach, it's amazing her own daughter made it to adulthood alive.

Asshat.

Tuesday, September 04, 2007

My Eyes! My Eyes!!









No, it's not my sweet peas. I wanted to show you that after 3 major hailstorms they've survived and finally started blooming.

Now if only we don't have some early snowstorm to kill them before they're done!

Over the past couple of years I've mentioned that my husband has really really REALLY ugly feet. They're so scary I even curl up in a ball while I'm sleeping if he so much as caresses my leg with a gnarly toe. Play footsie? Oh HELL no!

I thought he must have the butt-ugliest feet in the world until I saw this picture.
Who'd a thunk it?

Paris Hilton is the queen of Fugly Feet.

Sunday, September 02, 2007

Pissing and Moaning...

Arrgghh.

I'm not exactly sure what to do, but I'm sure you guys will give me all kinds of advice. In fact, I'm counting on it!

Since Little Guy is a Golden Girls fan, he's been acting out different scenes for us lately, which is a real hoot. So I'm taking a page from him (and Sophia Petrillo).

Picture this:

A small college classroom. 25 students---1 male, 24 females. 3 long conference tables, chairs mashed in, podium at the front. End of summer, no windows, no air. It's stifling.

(Thank GOD I haven't embarrassed myself by accidentally farting. Yet. Knock on wood.)

Almost 3-hour law class, lecture only. Tests are going to be on lecture---the book and hand-outs are essentially supplemental. It really comes down to how good your notes are, according to the professor.

No papers. 3 tests with essay questions only, one research project. No open books.

And one disruptive woman in the class who simply will NOT shut the f*ck up.

About one third of the class are women who are in my age range (the dreaded 40), give or take 5 years. The rest are in their late teens, early 20's (including the male student). Except for this woman. She's in her mid to late 50's, so she's somewhat of a contemporary of our professor, who I'm guessing to be in his late 50's to early 60's (he's been practicing law for 32 years).

I like my professor. We go over points that are dry and somewhat confusing, and he illustrates them by telling us an anecdote from his long career (he practiced many different types of law before becoming a judge). It's really helpful to understand when you can see how it is applied in real life.

He's a very soft-spoken and courtly gentleman. Unfortunately, he has a tendency to digress a bit. Well, a lot, actually.

In our first class, he gave us the option of taking 2 breaks during our session, or 1 break so we could get out early. It's a night class, and a 45-minute drive home for me. I was elated when the class voted for 1 break with early dismissal.

Back to the woman with the Big Mouth. In our first session, we all had to introduce ourselves, share why we decided to get our Paralegal Certification, and our experience with the law.

A few of the students are looking for new, later-in-life careers (like me, except there are a couple of soldiers in there looking for a different career after they get out of the military). Some are already Paralegals who are looking to sharpen their skills. Some are college grads who aren't sure they want to go to law school and are taking a few classes to test the waters. Some are just out of high school.

Ms. Big Mouth is looking for a new career, and her experience with the law consists of her divorce and her fascination with every episode of Law & Order. Including SVU and Criminal Intent, I think. Oy.

Anyway, here is the problem. Every time the professor takes a breath, she feels like she has to make a comment. I don't know if it's because she thinks she's at a tea party instead of a lecture and this is a completely interactive endeavor, or if she thinks its necessary to "encourage" him, or if she thinks this signifies that she's a good student and contributing.


Obviously she isn't aware (or doesn't care) how disruptive she is for the rest of us.

Most of the crap she says has nothing to do with the topic of the class. A lot of her comments are things she seems to think are "adding" support to whatever point the professor is making, and have turned out to be mostly incorrect. So the professor has to "correct" her statements, and she freaking argues with him about it. Because she saw it on TV. Or didn't see it on TV.

For example. "How come lawyers are able to advertise on TV, but doctor's aren't?"

Hello? Lap band? Lasic Surgery? You out nipping at the cooking sherry during the commercials in the middle of the Law & Order marathons on TNT?

Then the professor HAS to go into a story to illustrate how her comment is incorrect, and absolutely none of it has anything to do with the topic of the class. Since our tests are going to be based on our lecture notes, it's damn hard filtering out all the erroneous stuff.

Ms. Big Mouth sits in the middle of the middle table, so she is smack-dab in the middle of the room. I sit behind her, and somewhat to the side, so I don't really see her face---I just have a view of her oddly hairy back (she wears her hair in a bun).

Ironically, she has appointed herself classroom monitor. During the break in our last class, she chastised a young woman for talking too loud for Ms. Big Mouth to eavesdrop on a conversation the professor was having with another student. I'm serious!

The young woman turned to her and said, "Are you talking to ME?" in an incredulous voice. The student next to me rolled her eyeballs and chuckled. I was secretly applauding and relieved that I wasn't the only one having an issue.

Due to all the interruptions, we did not get out of class early as planned. So not only did we have to forgo our second break, we were LATE. I desperately had to pee, but was afraid I'd miss some nugget that would be sure to show up on our exam if I went to answer the call of nature. One student actually FELL ASLEEP and started snoring in the last 15 minutes!

I was hot, irritated and fantasizing about taking my shoe (unfortunately killer bunny slippers aren't appropriate classroom attire) and beating Ms. Big Mouth over the back of the head with it.

Or maybe grabbing a handful of back hair and shaking her like a rat.

I don't really want to complain to the professor, because he actually is part of the problem. I want to do well in this class, and there's no upside to telling your teacher he talks too much about stupid stuff and needs to stay on task.

On the other hand, I want to do well in this class, and this woman is really disruptive.

The only solution I can think of at this point is to bring a recorder to class so I can listen to it at home and fast-forward over all the craptastic pontification (the assassination of JFK was the defining point of Ms. Big Mouth's life and she was in a diner eating a grilled-cheese sandwich when she heard, you know, as if it's going to show up on our exam).

Any suggestions?

*As a funny note, Big Kid has to simulate a crime scene for his next assignment, complete with photos and sketches. Hubby gets to be the dead guy. This should be fun!