I Want the Powah!!

I read a strange story last week entitled "Woman Accused of Genital Theft".

Say what?

A middle-aged Nigerian man was accusing his former lover of "stealing his genitals." Apparently the two---this part is kind of unclear---had sex together for 29 days before he traveled home to visit his family.

"But instead of enjoying his stay with his family, Ulame said he started having problems with his organ. He noticed that he could not have an erection."

"He consulted a lot of pastors to help him out of the predicament. After that failed, he started searching for orthodox and traditional medicines but there was no solution to what he described as his shrunken manhood."

If I was a dood, I'd try a urologist before going to my pastor, but hey, that's just me.

He called his girlfriend, who advised him that she thought it was probably stress, and that he should try to relax.

Sounds pretty reasonable, doesn't it? But no---you know how they are. Doods.

Ulame went to an herbalist, who told him that his girlfriend had stolen his johnson with a mirror. Yeah, silly man. That's the first thing I'd have thought of!

Sheesh!

He and some friends decided to beat her up to get his genitals back. What did he think she was doing with them? Toting them around in her handbag?

Then a lot of other weird stuff happened.

The article didn't say if he ever actually retrieved his genitals though.

You know me, the story kind of got stuck in my head and wouldn't let go. I had midterms this last week and have been studying like crazy, along with a lot of other obligations that pooped me out. But through it all, this just stayed in the back of my mind.

First of all, in my opinion, if they really had sex 29 times in 29 days before his visit with his family, Ulame's middle-aged pecker probably revolted and went limp out of sheer exhaustion.

Second of all, next to the Crotch of Steel, I thought this would be a really neat superpower to have.

I was in the grocery store the other day, and some guy was ripping his girlfriend/wife up one side and down the other in public. If I had the power, I'd have zapped him a good one when he got to the second "stupid bitch".

Zap! Weenie-be-gone! Who's the bitch now, Big Boy?

The next person on my list would probably be Bill Clinton. I am so damn sick and tired of hearing about his pecker. Recently there was an article where Hilary confessed that Bill is turned on by dental work. Who the f*ck cares? All that makes me wonder is if there is anything that DOESN'T turn him on.

I'd give Bill the old zapparoo at least until the elections are over. Then he'd stay out of trouble. Besides, Hilary has a big enough set for the both of them.

The next on my list would be Denver Broncos' running back Travis Henry. At age 28, Henry has 9 children with 9 different woman, and even with a 22.5 million dollar contract and a hefty signing bonus, he has trouble managing to make his child-support payments. Flashy cars and jewelry have the priority. Oh, and smoking dope. Since he has trouble tying a knot in it----zap! No more for you! Have a cold shower instead.

This old fart down at the hardware store annoys the hell out of me. The next time he sneeringly calls me "Little Lady" (I top him by about 7 inches and outweigh him by a good 60 pounds), I'll give him a good zap.

Then again, that's pretty mean. See how power can be abused? I'm running amok just thinking about it!

Maybe next time I'll just call him "Little Man" in response and see how THAT grabs him!



Here's my latest on Disaboom, if you have a mind to check it out.

Hope you're having a great weekend!