Santa 0, Grinch 1

I love the holiday season. I love everything about it. I love being with family, picking out the perfect presents, and letting friends know how much they mean to me.

I'm having a little trouble getting into the holiday spirit this year. We had a death in the family, and it's finals next week in college. I'm feeling a little stressed out, and maybe when all that's over I'll be able to unwind a bit.

I hope so, because things aren't feeling very friendly at the Attila house!

A few days ago, UPS dropped off a humongous package on my front porch. It was from Amazon.com. Since I'm signed up for Amazon Plus, I get 2-day free shipping, and I'm beating the hell out of my membership. I'm kind of like the guy who goes back for 12 helpings at the all-you-can-eat crab leg and shrimp buffet.

Amazon prolly doesn't know what hit them!

Anyhoo, I had the guys lug the box in and stash it in the dining room. I had ordered industrial-sized packages of Pampers and baby wipes for a friend's baby shower, and a very large present for one of my brothers for Xmas. I didn't know which it was, but with everything that's been going on this week, I wasn't in any huge hurry to open it.

I got around to it last night.

That sucker was so overstuffed that the minute I cut the tape, all these big poofy air packaging pillows shot out. I looked in and saw blue canvas.

Blue! Sh*t!

The thing I ordered for my brother was red! Then I saw the gift card.

"To G, with love from Aunt D and Uncle C". Yikes! I backed away from the package.

I looked at the front of the box. It belonged to some neighbors that are 4 addresses away.

When I say neighbor, I kind of use the term loosely. Yes, we're in a neighborhood, but each plot is 2-5 acres. It's not like we can hop down the road to borrow a cup of sugar and be back lickety-split.

So I tried to tape the damn box back up. It was virtually impossible with all the poofy things. I had the little guy lay on top of the box for me, and I finally got it closed with a very messy tape job.

I felt terrible. I know I probably should have looked at the address on the box, but it never even occured to me. I saw the big Amazon swoosh thing, and since I was expecting quite a few items, I thought it was for me. My neighbors had probably been wondering what in the heck had happened to their stuff.

So I tried to call them. Their number is unlisted. I know they USED to have a listed number, because some years ago I had to call them frequently to come get their $#@#!! dog that had the nasty habit of crapping all over my front deck.

Oh wait.

Never mind.

I called hubby back east (he was still there taking care of some things for his mom) and asked if had any idea of how to get a hold of these people. He suggested I call the president of the homeowner's association.

His @#$&%$!! number was unlisted too.

Why didn't I just throw the thing in my car and deliver it myself? Well....I'll tell you.

These people have a very long, steep and winding single lane driveway because their house is set far away from the road. We had a recent snow and ice storm, and I had my studded snow tires taken off my car for big kid's driving lessons. I'm sure I could get down the drive with no problem, but I wasn't sure I could get back UP driving backwards.

Yes backwards. There is NO room to turn around. I'm amazed they manage to get anything delivered.

So I had the bright idea to call UPS. Next time the guy came out, he could pick it up and deliver it to the correct address, right?

Oh brother.

This is how the conversation went.

I called the UPS 800 number, and explained that the wrong package was delivered to my house. I had opened it by mistake...

"You opened it?"

Well, yeah...?

"You opened it without looking at the address?"

I assumed that since it was sitting on my doorstep that it was meant for me. I mean, who else would it be for? Henry Kissinger?

"I can't believe you opened it!"

Look, I opened it. I can't unopen it. Since I've been getting almost daily deliveries, can your guy pick it up and deliver it to the right house?

"Oh no, he can't! You have to call the shipper, request that they send you a label, and call us to schedule a pick-up, and we'll send it back to them to inspect the contents."

Are you freaking serious? I never took anything out. I looked in, saw it was something blue and taped it right back up! I couldn't even tell you what it was!

"You shouldn't have opened it!"

If I give you the tracking number, can you see if there's a phone number on the order and just give them a call and tell them where their package is?

"No, I can't do that!"

Well, why the hell not?

"You have to call the shipper and request that they send you a label, I'll give you the number...."

By this time, I'd just about had enough. I decided to mess with her a little bit.

No, I think not.

"What?"

I'm not going to do that. This is stupid. Really stupid.

"I beg your pardon?"

What will happen if I decide not to call the shipper? What if I just do nothing?

"I don't understand what you're saying....?"

At some point these people are going to realize that they haven't gotten their package. They're going to call the merchant who is going to call you, and somewhere down the line they're going to figure out that your company screwed up. And you'll have to replace the item with the automatic insurance that's purchased because your driver can't tell a 3 from a 9.

So if I do nothing, does that mean I get a free blue thing because you can't be bothered to contact them to let them know you delivered it to the wrong house?

"You can't do that!"

Why not? You refused to take the tracking number or any other information, so how are you going to find me?

I gently hung up the phone. Hmph.

Me and the guys loaded the package in the car and decided to chance it. I was afraid that maybe this was a birthday present for the neighbor kid, and I'd already had the box for a couple of days.

We made it down their driveway (and back up backwards without running into a tree or ditch), but alas no one was home. They did have a new dog who tried to brain itself by smashing it's head over and over into the glass that surrounds their door when I rang the bell. I taped a note to the box asking them to call me (so I could explain the odd tape mess) and left it on their porch.

...Next to a package the UPS guy DID manage to deliver correctly (maybe I should have checked it. It could have been for ME!). :::sigh:::

I'm just spreading cheer all over the damn place, aren't I?