Thursday, December 21, 2006

Let it Snow, Let it Snow, Let it Snow and Then Knock Me Out With a Snow Shovel and Let Me Have Some Peace

Santa 3/Grinch 3

Sometimes I feel like I'm living in a parallel universe!

I don't know about you, but when I was a kid, I loved snow days. No school, and I could curl up with my favorite book, drink cocoa or nap and feel cozy and safe in my house.

Not so with my guys. At least not this time.

If anybody missed the news, Colorado has been hit with a huge snowstorm. It's hard to tell exactly how much we've gotten up here in the mountains, because of the blizzard conditions and blowing snow. Although the news says we've gotten 2-3 feet so far, there are drifts that look like they are closer to 5 or 6 feet in some parts.

Yesterday morning, we only had a scant inch on the ground. Anticipating the upcoming storm, school districts closed all across the region.

When Little Guy got up, I told him he could go back to bed. He looked out of the window and was furious. "There's only this much!" he barked, showing me with his fingers.

I know, I know. But it's barely 6 am. We're supposed to get a lot more.

"But I have finals today!! I'm going to miss my finals!! "

I tried to assure him that he could make them up later, but it didn't seem to penetrate. He stomped off scowling and spent the morning sulking.

Geez, even I didn't love school THAT much as a kid!

Big Kid decided to take this as an opportunity to be a major PITA as well. For days he's been hassling me to drive him down to the city to hang out with a "friend" who is currently living in a seedy motel in a bad area.

I've refused.

I understand that the Big Kid is bored and lonely, and most of his old friends have been away at college or are going on holiday vacations. But this other young man is bad news. Really really bad news.

Bad news with raisins on top.

A couple of days ago, Big Kid asked me if we could "talk about it". I said why not? He explained that he knew his friend was a f*ck-up, but that didn't mean that HE was a f*ck-up. I let him say his piece, and then had my turn.

I got in his face and told him straight out---This boy is NOT YOUR FRIEND. Not only isn't he allowed in his parents' home (I suspect they actually pay him to live somewhere else), but he's a registered sex offender. He has STOLEN from you in the past. He has LIED to you in the past. He has USED you in the past. You DON'T DO THAT to friends. I think he is a sociopath because he has absolutely no problem stealing from and hurting people he calls "friend". I can't stop you from visiting him on your own steam, but he is not allowed in OUR home, and I am not going to facilitate this in any way by driving you down there!

Somehow this was translated into the language of Big Kid's planet as "Yes, I will drive you down to the city on Wednesday."

So snippets of our day yesterday went like this:

Me: Why don't we bake Christmas Cookies!

Little Guy: "I can't believe I'm missing my finals. The teachers are going to kill me!"

Have they ever killed you before?

Little Guy: "No."

Well I doubt they're going to start now over a snowstorm! They might eventually EAT you if you were all stranded together at the school for a couple of weeks and the vending machines were empty....

Little Guy: "Really?"

No, not really! I'm teasing!

Big Kid: "$%&+#@ snow!! It just has to ruin my %$#% life!!"

Help me make some cookies!

Big Kid: "I don't want to! I'm too depressed. @#$!!"

It's not like the snowstorm is a big surprise. Did you think the meteorologists just pulled this information out of their butts?

Big Kid: "They said it was going to snow on Sunday, Monday and Tuesday and it didn't. I just thought they were wrong."

So I made cookies by myself all day. How come they never come out looking like the picture? My chocolate macaroons look like little turdlets!

The two knuckleheads kept wandering in and out of the kitchen.

Little Guy: "My teachers are going to kill me!"

I don't think they'll do anything so drastic. Maybe they'll just rip your arm off and beat you over the head with it.

Little Guy: Really?

No, not really!! Look, school is closed for everybody! For the teachers and other students too! You're not the only one who is missing finals!!

Big Guy: "How come you don't have snow tires on your car? If you had snow tires, you could drive me into the city. How come you didn't anticipate this? Are you trying to ruin my life?"

I had to take them off for YOUR driving lessons. We just haven't had a chance to get them put back on. But even if I had them, I wouldn't be driving you down to the city. I wouldn't be driving ANYWHERE in this!!

Little Guy: "The teachers are going to kill all of us for missing finals. They're going to be so mad at us."

Although I've met some squirrely teachers in my time, I hardly think they'd resort to mass murder. Everything will be fine, I promise!

Big Kid: "What time is Dad coming home?"

Early. He says the roads are really bad. Everything is closing in town.

Big Kid: "Well then if he's early, maybe he can drive me down to the city."

Are you insane? Have you been listening to the news? The highway is closed from Denver to the New Mexico border! The highway out of the mountains is closed!

Big Kid: "But that's what 4-wheel drive is for!"

Closed means closed! For EVERYBODY! And do you think he'd risk his life and yours so you can hang out with that asshat in the city? What the heck is he supposed to do in the meantime? Sit in a drift until you're ready to come home?

Big Kid: "@#$%# Snow. Just ruining my life!"

Little Guy: "I'm going to be dead and you don't care! I won't be nice to you in Heaven!"

As soon as Hubby got home I grabbed my book and my cocktail--er cocoa and locked myself away from the screaming horde. There was only a couple of hours left of the snow day and dammit, SOMEBODY was going to enjoy it!

Woke up this morning and it's still snowing.

Oh joy to the world!

Put me out of my misery!


Anonymous said...

I'm on it! Coming over to rescue you!

* digging tunnel thru snow to Attila's house *

Kim Ayres said...

We had one day of snow last winter. Just one. About 8 inches of it fell overnight and the following morning the kids and I were out building a snowman and throwing snowballs at each other.

Following day it was slush.

Day after it was like it had never happened.

Snow is rare enough here for the novelty never to wear off.

Anonymous said...

Better you than me babe.
I had to fly from Chicago to Seattle with a plane change in Minneapolis. Needless to day, I'm glad it was Denver that went bad or I'd still be in an airport somewhere. Winter stinks but it stinks bigger in Denver.
Your kids are a hoot. Stick to your guns with Big Kid.
Regarding the cookies, if I said I'd eat your turdlets would you take it wrong?

Anonymous said...

OMG, I am killing myself laughing at the title of your post. Honestly, I have tears in my eyes. Now I'm going to read the post itself.
(Back soon.)

Anonymous said...

Okay, I'm back and, oh sh*t, I am still laughing. I feel for you, I really do. I've been there - stuck in the house with sons who are driving you mad, who just don't listen and even if they sort of listen, what they actually hear is not what you're saying or mean.
I would have baked with you! And, for sure, I would eat your turdlets. Chocolate is chocolate.
And, yeah, stick to your guns about that "friend." I've been there too...

Miss Keeks said...

The last time I prayed for a snow day I had no electricity for a week. And a snow day. I'm still pissed.

I love how the little kid cannot accept that his teachers are thrilled to be away from the little effers for a day--hopefully two!!

When I was big kids age, I had a bad friend too. She was a jerk. Stick to your guns. He'll figure it out eventually.

Myron said...

We may have to dodge an occasional hurricane in Houston but no major snow crap. Every 13 or 15 years maybe. I couldn't deal with snow. I spent one winter in Oklahoma City and that little bit of snow about drove me crazy.

And like the other folks are saying, just stand your ground with BK. He'll see the light in a few years and maybe even thank you before you die. My baby boy is 43 now and he and his 3 brothers are starting to say "thanks, Pop. You weren't such a dumb ol' pharte after all."

Samantha said...

Oh my God, sounds awful! *hands you a martini*

Rootietoot said...

You know, the wonderful encouraging thing I got out of this, is that mine is not the only son with a Reprehensible Delinquent Worm for a friend. You don't know how that little bit of information lifted my spirits.

Anonymous said...

OMG I can't believe your little guy was whinging about a snow day!! Usually that is cause for celebration....but very cute that he was so worried about missing his all his little buddies would too AND 1/2 his teachers probably never made it to school either!

What you said to big kid about the friend was right on the money....stick to your guns on that one...he will figure it out and get over it!

elizabeth said...


Tell the little guy that he will just have to make up his finals during summer school. hehe.

Too funny!

Sheila said...

Good on you Attila, May you and yours have the best Christmas ever!

carmachu said...

my mother ckets at us and throw us outside for several hours, and throw our sleds after us with th e words "dont come back for several hours..."

Try that.....

Lisa Goldstein/Kelly Kelly said...

You are so funny. At least you have your sense of humor to get you through your snow days trapped together, I mean, family time.


Anonymous said...

Little kid is so responsible.
I am 28 and I am still thrilled when there's a snow day and I don't have to go into work.
Atts - i hope YOU enjoyed the snow!!!

Heather said...

ha ha ha ha.
well now i'm pissed off at you.
it's 56* here, and raining.

no snow for christmas :[
send it here, please?

on a brighter note, merry christmas to you & your family:] enjoy your holiday! ♥

Nikki said...


Next time just hit them over the head with something heavy.

Anonymous said...

Merry Christmas & a Happy new year!!!

Anonymous said...

In southeast Denver, my heat went out, and the roomate is pulling like a quadruple shift or it will be me-and-soup 'til Saturday.

The heat went out Wednesday and didn't return until late last night.

*Such Fun*

But I think we only got half the snow you did

Brenda said...

Ha! You poor Momma. You should make it a law that on snowy days everyone under 21 has to go outdoors and have snowball fights and build a snowman tribe.

Anonymous said...

Your oldest sounds just like my daughter!

We don't have "snow days" here...well we did two years ago. None of the kids had ever seen snow here so WE ALL PLAY IN THE SNOW ALL NIGHT LONG!

Coming to you from Texas and with much sympathy


Annie Drogynous said...

I'm so happy I don't live where there's snow. I spent a week by the pool in high 70 degree weather. Not to rub it in at all of course. I mean, I did try to shed a tear when I heard about the horrific weather that is pounding your area. I think Jack Frost is just taking this all a little too far, doncha think?!

AdoptTalk said...

Hi, I'd like to share with ya'll a new and very important book about adoption:

America’s Multi-Billion Dollar Unregulated Adoption Industry
by Mirah Riben
Foreword by Evelyn Robinson

Projected Release Date: Feb 15, 2007


Stork mar·ket. (stôrk märkt) n. 1. exposé of the corruption in the adoption industry; the fine line between black and gray market adoption; scams, coercion and exploitation. 2. an in-depth report on the international market where children are the commodity being bought and sold to the highest bidders including pedophiles with prices based on quality (i.e. age, skin color) of the merchandise and set as high as ‘desperate’ consumers continue to be willing to pay. 3. an examination of the myths of adoption that put the needs of adults, and those who profit from their desperation, before the needs of children who need homes. 4. an extensively researched and documented book that asks if adoption can be fixed -— the money aspect removed and government controls and regulations put in place -— or abolished in favor of permanent guardianship, or informal adoption sans the issuance of falsified birth certificates. 5. goes further than Riben’s groundbreaking, award-winning “shedding light on…The Dark Side of Adoption” (1988) which was excerpted in Social Issues Review Series, Utne Reader and Microcosm USA. 7. reveals, for the first time in print, Riben’s role in the notorious Joel Steinberg murder case.


“Riben has done it again. Once again, as in Dark Side, she has pulled back the covers and exposed the unpleasant truths and problems that need to be addressed in American adoption practices. While difficult, when we remove the rose-colored glasses many view adoption through, the conclusions that Riben comes to are inarguable. Most impressive on every count….well researched and thought out.” Annette Baran, M.S.W., L.C.S.W., co-author The Adoption Triangle

Mirah Riben writes that she refuses to give up. This book -— a wonderful and well-integrated mix of approaches—part analysis, part case studies from the front lines, part handbook, part up-to-date law and policy review -— is a testament to Riben's powerful and enduring commitment to the rights and needs of vulnerable women and their children. Riben's book is a clear, bright blueprint for change. Rickie Solinger, historian and author of Pregnancy and Power: A Short History of Reproductive Politics in America

“Combines the historical and legal perspective with really hard hitting journalism.” Maureen Flatley, political consultant and media advisor specializing in child welfare and adoption

Attila The Mom said...

You know Mirah (Adopttalk), I may be an adoptee who blogs, but my blog is not about adoption.

I profoundly resent that you've posted the above spam in the comments section of my blog flogging your upcoming book without ever taking the time to actually read my posts.

Not only don't you grasp the concept of netiquette, but I have to say that talking about yourself in 3rd person and then posting all your [koff] pre-publication rave reviews is cheesy and manipulative.

Besides the shameless spamming, by not saying upfront that "Hey, I wrote a book about adoption I'd like you to consider" makes you appear to be disingenuous at the least, and dishonest at the whole.

If you don't want to read my blog for content and comment on that, I don't have a problem with it.

But don't USE me, as an adoptee, to promote your product so that you can profit from it.

You're no better than those "Grow 4 inches on your penis in 3 days!" spammers.

quinn said...

well said..Attila...when they showed up on my blog I didn't know how to say what you said so I just plain deleted them ..LOL...

Girl In Her Underwear said...

OH my gosh!!!! I've never lived anywhere that had that kind of weather. Our schools shut down if it snows just enough to cover patches of the grass. That's because people in this part of Texas rarely see snow and freak out if they have to drive on it...same with rain.'s usually 80 degrees the day before it snows, so the streets are still warm causing the snow to melt and then immediately turn to ice. Good times.

And now I'll be stealing your phrase "Bad news with raisins on top" because it made me giggle.

Anonymous said...

I can not relate to this post at all, since we NEVER get snow down here! Therefore, I always imagine the euphoric, snuggle around the fireplace while drinking hot cocoa aspect of it and not the stuck in my house part! I actually came to the blog because I saw the news this morning about the huge avalanche on the highway in Denver. I thought I remembered reading that you were from there, and I was hoping you were not buried in the snow! :)