Santa 3/Grinch 3
Sometimes I feel like I'm living in a parallel universe!
I don't know about you, but when I was a kid, I loved snow days. No school, and I could curl up with my favorite book, drink cocoa or nap and feel cozy and safe in my house.
Not so with my guys. At least not this time.
If anybody missed the news, Colorado has been hit with a huge snowstorm. It's hard to tell exactly how much we've gotten up here in the mountains, because of the blizzard conditions and blowing snow. Although the news says we've gotten 2-3 feet so far, there are drifts that look like they are closer to 5 or 6 feet in some parts.
Yesterday morning, we only had a scant inch on the ground. Anticipating the upcoming storm, school districts closed all across the region.
When Little Guy got up, I told him he could go back to bed. He looked out of the window and was furious. "There's only this much!" he barked, showing me with his fingers.
I know, I know. But it's barely 6 am. We're supposed to get a lot more.
"But I have finals today!! I'm going to miss my finals!! "
I tried to assure him that he could make them up later, but it didn't seem to penetrate. He stomped off scowling and spent the morning sulking.
Geez, even I didn't love school THAT much as a kid!
Big Kid decided to take this as an opportunity to be a major PITA as well. For days he's been hassling me to drive him down to the city to hang out with a "friend" who is currently living in a seedy motel in a bad area.
I understand that the Big Kid is bored and lonely, and most of his old friends have been away at college or are going on holiday vacations. But this other young man is bad news. Really really bad news.
Bad news with raisins on top.
A couple of days ago, Big Kid asked me if we could "talk about it". I said why not? He explained that he knew his friend was a f*ck-up, but that didn't mean that HE was a f*ck-up. I let him say his piece, and then had my turn.
I got in his face and told him straight out---This boy is NOT YOUR FRIEND. Not only isn't he allowed in his parents' home (I suspect they actually pay him to live somewhere else), but he's a registered sex offender. He has STOLEN from you in the past. He has LIED to you in the past. He has USED you in the past. You DON'T DO THAT to friends. I think he is a sociopath because he has absolutely no problem stealing from and hurting people he calls "friend". I can't stop you from visiting him on your own steam, but he is not allowed in OUR home, and I am not going to facilitate this in any way by driving you down there!
Somehow this was translated into the language of Big Kid's planet as "Yes, I will drive you down to the city on Wednesday."
So snippets of our day yesterday went like this:
Me: Why don't we bake Christmas Cookies!
Little Guy: "I can't believe I'm missing my finals. The teachers are going to kill me!"
Have they ever killed you before?
Little Guy: "No."
Well I doubt they're going to start now over a snowstorm! They might eventually EAT you if you were all stranded together at the school for a couple of weeks and the vending machines were empty....
Little Guy: "Really?"
No, not really! I'm teasing!Big Kid: "$%&+#@ snow!! It just has to ruin my %$#% life!!"
Help me make some cookies!
Big Kid: "I don't want to! I'm too depressed. @#$!!"
It's not like the snowstorm is a big surprise. Did you think the meteorologists just pulled this information out of their butts?
Big Kid: "They said it was going to snow on Sunday, Monday and Tuesday and it didn't. I just thought they were wrong."
So I made cookies by myself all day. How come they never come out looking like the picture? My chocolate macaroons look like little turdlets!
The two knuckleheads kept wandering in and out of the kitchen.
Little Guy: "My teachers are going to kill me!"
I don't think they'll do anything so drastic. Maybe they'll just rip your arm off and beat you over the head with it.
Little Guy: Really?
No, not really!! Look, school is closed for everybody! For the teachers and other students too! You're not the only one who is missing finals!!
Big Guy: "How come you don't have snow tires on your car? If you had snow tires, you could drive me into the city. How come you didn't anticipate this? Are you trying to ruin my life?"
I had to take them off for YOUR driving lessons. We just haven't had a chance to get them put back on. But even if I had them, I wouldn't be driving you down to the city. I wouldn't be driving ANYWHERE in this!!
Little Guy: "The teachers are going to kill all of us for missing finals. They're going to be so mad at us."
Although I've met some squirrely teachers in my time, I hardly think they'd resort to mass murder. Everything will be fine, I promise!
Big Kid: "What time is Dad coming home?"
Early. He says the roads are really bad. Everything is closing in town.
Big Kid: "Well then if he's early, maybe he can drive me down to the city."
Are you insane? Have you been listening to the news? The highway is closed from Denver to the New Mexico border! The highway out of the mountains is closed!
Big Kid: "But that's what 4-wheel drive is for!"
Closed means closed! For EVERYBODY! And do you think he'd risk his life and yours so you can hang out with that asshat in the city? What the heck is he supposed to do in the meantime? Sit in a drift until you're ready to come home?
Big Kid: "@#$%# Snow. Just ruining my life!"
Little Guy: "I'm going to be dead and you don't care! I won't be nice to you in Heaven!"
As soon as Hubby got home I grabbed my book and my cocktail--er cocoa and locked myself away from the screaming horde. There was only a couple of hours left of the snow day and dammit, SOMEBODY was going to enjoy it!
Woke up this morning and it's still snowing.
Oh joy to the world!
Put me out of my misery!