Blue Christmas

The eggnog has been drunk, the cookies eaten and the presents unwrapped.

Now it's all over but the clean-up.

Was it as good for you as it was for me? Just kidding.

Did you ever notice that there is always one happening---big or small---that makes certain Holiday years stand out from the rest? So when you make a reference to "that was the year cousin Bob had the flu and puked in the box of presents, but everybody thought he'd been drinking and Grandma gave him the stink-eye all day?" or "that was the year you ran your new bike into the back of the neighbor's parked car and we spent Christmas Day in the ER because you needed stitches in your face" everyone knows what year you're talking about?

The Hubby drove down to the big city with his buddies on Christmas Eve to watch the Denver Broncos play a home game. Nothing was terribly remarkable about that, except that it started to snow (again) and I was worried about the long mountainous drive back (again).

The boys were anxious, because we have a family tradition of opening one present the night before, and we had to wait until Hubby got home. If he got in an accident on the way, well no present tonight, huh.

So we spent the evening watching Home Alone 2; Lost in New York for about the 587th time.

It hasn't improved with age.

Hubby finally got home safely, the guys opened their presents, and we shooed them off to bed so we could get "Santa's" gifts under the tree before falling over with exhaustion. Hubby had brought home some leftover tail-gating food, and I munched on a few mini cupcakes with Bronco-colored frosting (dark blue with orange sprinkles) while we were waiting for the guys to be really and truly asleep.

The next morning I got up early, started coffee and a fire in the woodstove. I bent over to plug in the tree lights when it hit me. Stomach cramps. The urge to get to the bathroom immediately--right now--do not pass go, do-not-collect-two-hundred-dollars-get-in-there-now!

Oh no. I sure hoped it was just from eating too much rich food in the last couple of days and not a stomach bug!

I got the tree plugged in, and let the dogs out when a second wave of cramps hit me.

Back to the bathroom just in time. Volcanus buttuptus.

Did the requisite wiping, pulled up my jammie pants, turned to flush, and froze.

It was blue.

My poo was blue.

And not only was it a deep cobalt shade, but whatever had turned my doody blue had seeped out and colored the water as well.

It looked like a smurf exploded out of my butt!

What in the world....?

I thought about leaving the bowl intact so I could show it to Hubby when he woke up, but well, that's gross, and I do have SOME standards.

So after he awoke, and drank his first cup of coffee, I took Hubby aside and mentioned it to him.

"It must have been the cupcakes," he chuckled. We looked at the remaining two in the box. As someone who bakes, the amount of blue food coloring needed to get that shade of navy frosting never even crossed my mind. There must have been enough blue in each mini-cupcake to dye an entire t-shirt, judging from what had survived past my digestive tract!

We opened our presents, and Santa brought me just what I asked for! A digital camera! I posted a couple of my newbie tries here---hopefully with time I'll get all the settings figured out and my pictures will look better!

Just as we were finishing, my stomach started complaining again. I ran back into the bathroom.

After a few minutes, I heard scratching and my little dog whining. Then I heard hubby's voice right outside the door.

"Honey, are you ok in there?"

And more rustling.

Little Guy: "Is it blue, Mom? Can I see it?"

Big Guy: "Don't flush, Mom! I've got your new camera!"

Oy.

This will go down forever in the annals of family lore as the "Blue Christmas".

And how was YOUR day?