Tuesday, December 26, 2006

Blue Christmas

The eggnog has been drunk, the cookies eaten and the presents unwrapped.

Now it's all over but the clean-up.

Was it as good for you as it was for me? Just kidding.

Did you ever notice that there is always one happening---big or small---that makes certain Holiday years stand out from the rest? So when you make a reference to "that was the year cousin Bob had the flu and puked in the box of presents, but everybody thought he'd been drinking and Grandma gave him the stink-eye all day?" or "that was the year you ran your new bike into the back of the neighbor's parked car and we spent Christmas Day in the ER because you needed stitches in your face" everyone knows what year you're talking about?

The Hubby drove down to the big city with his buddies on Christmas Eve to watch the Denver Broncos play a home game. Nothing was terribly remarkable about that, except that it started to snow (again) and I was worried about the long mountainous drive back (again).

The boys were anxious, because we have a family tradition of opening one present the night before, and we had to wait until Hubby got home. If he got in an accident on the way, well no present tonight, huh.

So we spent the evening watching Home Alone 2; Lost in New York for about the 587th time.


It hasn't improved with age.

Hubby finally got home safely, the guys opened their presents, and we shooed them off to bed so we could get "Santa's" gifts under the tree before falling over with exhaustion. Hubby had brought home some leftover tail-gating food, and I munched on a few mini cupcakes with Bronco-colored frosting (dark blue with orange sprinkles) while we were waiting for the guys to be really and truly asleep.

The next morning I got up early, started coffee and a fire in the woodstove. I bent over to plug in the tree lights when it hit me. Stomach cramps. The urge to get to the bathroom immediately--right now--do not pass go, do-not-collect-two-hundred-dollars-get-in-there-now!

Oh no. I sure hoped it was just from eating too much rich food in the last couple of days and not a stomach bug!

I got the tree plugged in, and let the dogs out when a second wave of cramps hit me.


Back to the bathroom just in time. Volcanus buttuptus.

Did the requisite wiping, pulled up my jammie pants, turned to flush, and froze.

It was blue.

My poo was blue.

And not only was it a deep cobalt shade, but whatever had turned my doody blue had seeped out and colored the water as well.

It looked like a smurf exploded out of my butt!

What in the world....?

I thought about leaving the bowl intact so I could show it to Hubby when he woke up, but well, that's gross, and I do have SOME standards.

So after he awoke, and drank his first cup of coffee, I took Hubby aside and mentioned it to him.

"It must have been the cupcakes," he chuckled. We looked at the remaining two in the box. As someone who bakes, the amount of blue food coloring needed to get that shade of navy frosting never even crossed my mind. There must have been enough blue in each mini-cupcake to dye an entire t-shirt, judging from what had survived past my digestive tract!

We opened our presents, and Santa brought me just what I asked for! A digital camera! I posted a couple of my newbie tries here---hopefully with time I'll get all the settings figured out and my pictures will look better!

Just as we were finishing, my stomach started complaining again. I ran back into the bathroom.

After a few minutes, I heard scratching and my little dog whining. Then I heard hubby's voice right outside the door.

"Honey, are you ok in there?"

And more rustling.

Little Guy: "Is it blue, Mom? Can I see it?"

Big Guy: "Don't flush, Mom! I've got your new camera!"

Oy.

This will go down forever in the annals of family lore as the "Blue Christmas".


And how was YOUR day?

27 comments:

quinn said...

OMG too funny ..as I was reading and saw the photo of the christmas tree I became more and more afraid to scroll for I truly believed I was about to see a digital camera photo of the "Blue doody"....my minds visual was good enough and was very relieved to know you didn't have a photo there...but the story is hillarious and thanks for sharing ....err I think..

p.s. I felt the urge to wish my sister a merry christmas on her blog..gosh I hope I didn't just step in doody myself...I was good...just a short quick merry christmas..I just had to...

Anonymous said...

Oh, God. You have me laughing out loud again. A smurf exploding out of your butt! I love how your mind works. And, yeah, I don't think you'll ever live this one down.
BTW, great pictures.

Yorkshire Soul said...

Brilliant, my day was good, but not half as weird.

Bonnie said...

LOL... that happened to my daughter once when she was 2 years old and ate too much Lucky Charms cereal with blue marshmallows.

I hope you're feeling better.

Miss Keeks said...

I really think you should have taken the picture. You know you thought about it!

Mr. Fabulous said...

Big Guy: "Don't flush, Mom! I've got your new camera!"

ROFLAMO!

Anonymous said...

You've ruined the Elvis song for me forever! Gah! ;)
LOL - too funny! And wow, are you ever brave for sharing!

Anonymous said...

Thank you for sharing that, I think LMAO.

Hope your stomach has settled down now!

ps: your tree looks lovely

carmachu said...

It must be going around. I had the volcanus a couple days before. ALthough it wasnt blue....

mia said...

J was so entirely jealous that you can poop Bronco colors that he just downed a shot full of blue food coloring and followed it with an orange chaser. He is anxiously awaiting the results.

As IF the Bronco hats, coat, blanket and liscense plate weren't enough! Now he has to poop blue like Atilla! I am never letting him read your blog again.

Your house is georgous!

Anonymous said...

My life is complete. I've finally read a blog about blue poo. I can die happy.

Brenda said...

Oh Lordy!! Your posts should have a warning at the beginning telling readers to swallow what's in their mouth, and pee before reading! I hope your doody is nice and normal now. Hahahahahahahaha!!

Brenda said...

P.S. LOVE the photos! You live in a log house? You lucky, lucky lady!!!!!!

Anonymous said...

Hi Attila,
LOL! The same thing happened to me a few Christmas’ ago, expect mine was chartreuse, caused by some dyed tortilla party chips I’d been munching on. It’s scary to see an unexpected color floating around in the toilet bowl, so I sympathize with what you were going through initially. I noticed that the grocery store stopped selling the “holiday” chips, and I’ve often wondered if someone had the cajones to explain and complain about the side effects.

I hope you’re back to “normal” by now!

Anonymous said...

Before I share my blue poop story I have to say.....your home looks absolutely lovely!!! It looks like my dream home....really truly....I want one just like it!!!

Many moons ago, on a plannet far, far away, in a time long.....oh sorry...got carried away....on a camping trip about 20+ years ago I made the mistake of drinking southern comfort and blue Kool-Aid....the next day I had an electric blue doody explosion...it looked like Smurf poop...AND was unable to make it to the outhouse...it was truly a sight to behold...I too resisted the urge to show it off to fellow campers!!! I can't believe I just told that story!!!

P.S. my drinking choices have become much more refined in my older years....LOL!!!!

Annie Drogynous said...

LOL! That reminds me of the time I ate too many beets, did the poo thing and everything was pink. Now that was a shocker!

Glad that y'all had a wonderful and safe Christmas!

Anonymous said...

I was gonna say it the first time you mentioned it in all... WTF were you thinking eating BLUE cupcakes! I mean... OMFG! That had "disaster" written all over it in orange sprinkles, I am sure...

And for the record: the Hubby chuckling "it must have been the cupcakes" in my marriage would have been puh-lenty for Santa to come back and remove his gifts from under the tree, so to speak... LOL

Poor Attila! Hope you're feeling better now.

Rootietoot said...

BAaaahhhhhh!hahahaha! O Lordy (wiping tears). You and your digestive system are a constant source of reassurance to me. Bless your heart! (haaaaawhahaha!!)

Is THAT your gorgeous woodstove? Beautiful! Ooh and your house! I've always wanted a log house but they don't go well in the Deep South.

Anonymous said...

Got here by way of Fab. What a funny story. And I LOVE your house!

Anonymous said...

That's got to rank right up there with Green Eggs and Ham??!!?? I love your photos BTW.

Nikki said...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Should we call you Gargamel(sp) now - do you have the cat Azreal?

LMAO

Merry Christmas...don't drink to much on New Years :D

Jenny said...

Ha! That was smurfing hilarious!

Heather said...

ha ha ha ha ha.
I love the new photos!
I thought for SURE you were going to show us your blue poop.
Thank you for passing on that! ha ha. Happy Holidays! ♥

Heather said...

ha ha ha ha ha.
I love the new photos!
I thought for SURE you were going to show us your blue poop.
Thank you for passing on that! ha ha. Happy Holidays! ♥

St Jude said...

Only you dear, only you. Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. xx

Meagan787@aol.com said...

Ok, let's try this again. ;-)

Gotta' love you.

You definitely are a very humorous person and it shows in your writings. I've had tears in my eyes from reading your stuff. Funny, ha ha tears. :-D

Keep up the good work...

otter said...

I didn't get the chance to catch up with everyone I read until this evening. Teach me to casually read down like another day in the neighborhood. It's a good thing I quit smoking this year, I laughed so hard that I would have lost my breath. As it was, I wheezed anyway and used a couple of tissues to mop up my eyes.
Oh, and the blue poo....my hubby would have woke me up to see what he'd done. Or left it for me to wake up to. And pics....we won't even go there.
As a lone female in an all male household....I feel your pain.
Hope your new year is full of good health and happiness.