Friday, June 16, 2006
Opening Up Another Can of Whup-Ass
I love those guys at AutoZone!
You can get your plugs sparked, your battery charged, and your knobs polished, but they don't do too bad in the Ass-Whupping Department either!
Now I'm not into vigilantism by any means, but if a guy walks into YOUR place brandishing a semi-automatic weapon while trying to ROB you, where's "the crime" in disarming him and beating the snot out of him?
Last summer in Rochester, New York, Dana Buckman tried to rob a local AutoZone with a gun. Two employees overpowered him, disarmed him, and whacked him around with a lead pipe. He escaped and was apprehended a week later.
He pleaded guilty, and as a repeat violent felon is now serving 18 years in prison.
This week he has filed a civil suit against AutoZone and its employees for getting his ass kicked.
Note: No criminal charges were filed against the employees who gave him the whuppin'. This is purely a civil suit against a big company for money.
Buckman's claim is that he is "entitled" to compensation for the injuries he suffered and "emotional distress".
Now I know most of us in the US learned in our 9th grade Civics class about the robber who broke into a house, tripped over a table/an ottoman/the family dog and broke his leg, and successfully sued the intended victims' insurance company for damages. The laws have tightened up since then.
And "what" emotional distress?
"I was ready, willing and able to waste you if you didn't give me your hard-earned money, and I'm 'distressed' that you beat me down and prevented me from doing it?"
The extra-special Richard Cranium award goes to his attorney, Phillip R. Hurwitz for taking the case.
His quote to the press:
"The danger was past," Hurwitz said. "These two employees took it upon themselves to go after Mr. Buckman after he left the store."
So chasing him when he escaped caused Buckman "emotional distress"?
My heart bleeds for him.
I'm going to send those AutoZone guys some cookies. Sending a nekkid picture of myself in appreciation would prolly scare the hell out of them.